Sunday, March 28, 2010

Random Funny Things My Mom Says - Part 5

By special request - another Mother story.

One day my Mom and I were having lunch when she keeps staring at my chin.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I see a double chin," Mom said. "You'd better start exercising again." Visions of jumping in the air and smacking myself on the chin fleeted through my head.

"I am dieting, I gave up donuts," I said.

"But not brownies, cookies, chocolate, or cupcakes," she said as she pointed to my pantry. "Double is bad. Double chin, double belly, double self. Everything double is bad."

"You're exaggerating..."

"I'm not! Double patties, double chocolate, double by-pass heart surgery, double trouble. See? Everything double is bad. One day your husband will look at you and think, hmmm, I need a new wife. That would be double wife. That's bad."

"That's not fair, he's got a bit of a double chin too!"

She nodded sagely. "Double standard. I told you everything double is bad."

Damn, she's good.
at

13 comments:

  1. Dana ElmendorfMarch 28, 2010 at 12:30 PM

    THAT IS AWESOME! I think you need to give your mother her own blog! She cracks me up and...she has a point about the double thing.

    I think double wife was the funniest.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sage RavenwoodMarch 28, 2010 at 3:04 PM

    Well you've heard about, 'Double trouble' right? Your mother is hilarious and yes, she's good. (Hugs)Indigo

    ReplyDelete
  3. PJDMarch 28, 2010 at 11:32 PM

    Double wife. Double standard. El, this is not only possibly the deepest, most poetic thing I've ever heard, but it's also insanely well written. I am afraid ever to meet your mom, you, or your kids. I would be so outmatched. Reverend Dude approves.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sherrie PetersenMarch 29, 2010 at 12:48 PM

    You're mom is hilarious! That's awesome :D

    ReplyDelete
  5. NorthLMarch 29, 2010 at 5:36 PM

    Nicely done.

    ReplyDelete
  6. laughingwolfMarch 29, 2010 at 7:36 PM

    yup, nothing like double trouble ;) lol

    mama is one smart double dipped chocolate cookie! :O

    ReplyDelete
  7. writtenwyrddMarch 30, 2010 at 10:03 AM

    Your mom is GOOD! Double wife, double standard...Screaming fits of laughter.

    ReplyDelete
  8. moonratMarch 30, 2010 at 1:06 PM

    heeheehee this is a good one

    ReplyDelete
  9. AvDBMarch 31, 2010 at 4:48 PM

    Your mom's a sharp one, that's for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  10. VijayaApril 14, 2010 at 12:33 AM

    Can I borrow your mom? Just double her. I miss mine.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Tyhitia GreenApril 17, 2010 at 7:01 PM

    Bwwwaaaahhhhaahhhaa! I love your mom. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Aniket ThakkarApril 19, 2010 at 6:10 AM

    They should totally make Meet the Ha-Oh's. You have one hilarious family!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Kiki HamiltonApril 22, 2010 at 9:58 PM

    double standard - omg! that is funny! I love your Mom already, even if she is trying to get you to diet!

    ReplyDelete