Hello Ello

Random Funny Things My Dad Says

2012-01-30T01:00:00.000-05:00

This story actually happened to my sister but it is too funny not to share. Plus, as with most things my Dad says, it is actually pretty darn wise.

So a couple of years ago, my sister was on a NY subway train with my parents. My Dad had been having health problems and was using a cane. The train was semi-crowded and my Mom, spotting a seat across the way, made a mad dash for it, hoping to get it for my Dad. On the way, she pushed into another woman who was also making for the seat. The other woman, who was much younger and larger than either of my parents, began to scream and berate my Mother.

Now this is the unusual part. Unlike me, my sister is actually a very sweet, even-keeled, nice person who never makes scenes. However, on this particular day, my sweet little sister, who is barely 5 ft tall, lost her mind. She went nuclear on this much larger woman in a spectacular showdown that ended with my Mom proudly shouting "I love NY" to a loudly cheering train car.

However, my Dad was not amused. When they got off their train and started walking home, my Dad pulled my sister over to the sidewalk where a large, fresh, steaming pile of dog shit was left by a clearly caring and thoughtful dog owner.

My Dad grabbed my sister by the arm and pointed at the dog shit and said, "Now go ahead and yell at that as much as you want."

My sister looked at him, warily. "Why?"

My Dad said, "Why not? It's the same thing as what you did on the train."

I seriously love my Dad. I love how he crams wisdom in with humor. The reason I find this story so funny and so apropos lately is because there has been so much nastiness on the internet lately about authors behaving badly over negative reviews, reviewers up in arms, authors disrespecting their readers, and readers blacklisting authors. And all of this just reminds me of my Dad pointing at that pile of dog shit and commanding my sister to yell at it. Because let's face it, when you start making a big stink on the internet, who's left with the turd pile?

My Dad's point is not that the woman my sister was yelling at was a pile of shit, although that would be a funny analogy also, but that by yelling, all my sister did was waste her time and look ridiculous. That's why it reminds me of authors who publicly get bent out of shape about bad reviews. All they do is look ridiculous and inevitably, they get shit on their face.

The thing is, bad reviews are not necessarily bad. They might hurt your feelings, but they won't kill you. And hell, they probably won't even hurt your sales. Take a look at Twilight. Is there any other book that has suffered the indignities of so many bad reviews, parodies, jokes, etc. and yet still manage to make its author one of the richest women in publishing? And some of the attacks are personal! It isn't just, "I hate her book" - it's "I hate her book and she can't write!" Technically, them's fightin' words. But I guess when you have as much money as Stephanie Meyers, it's a lot easier to block out the nasty stuff.

Now I hope I don't get the personal attacks, cause then you just may see me at the zoo screaming at a huge pile of elephant dung. But I know I'll get bad reviews. I got them before I ever got published so why should getting published change that? I know not everyone will like my book. And that's ok. I sure as hell don't love every book I read either. But you know what? A bad review never stopped me from reading a book, but bad behavior by an author has.

Because when an author acts badly, all I'll see from now on is my Dad pointing at that steaming pile of dogshit, and I will laugh and laugh... and not buy their book.

Truth or Dare!!!

2012-01-27T14:13:00.000-05:00

Over at the Friday the Thirteeners blog we are now having a call for truths or dares for little ole me. So if any of you would like to embarrass, torture, or otherwise have great fun at my expense, just mosey on over to this page and leave me a truth or dare. Put down that it's for me and if I pick yours to do, then you will win a prize. You can choose from a 13 page crit, a $13 gift card to Amazon or Barnes and Nobles, or I might be persuaded to part with an ARC from my ARC collection.

Today at the Thirteeners, April was challenged to talk about sex, and boy does she rise to the occasion!

So speak now or forever hold your truth or dares!!

I can't wait to see what you guys might cook up for me. Hmmm or maybe I can wait. Maybe I should be scared, very scared!!

Happy Lunar New Year!! 2012 is the Year of the Water Dragon!

2012-01-23T05:00:00.022-05:00

January 23rd, 2012 is the beginning of the lunar new year. This year, it signifies the year of the water dragon.

This is cool in so many ways. First of all, the year of the dragon is a very special year. The dragon is the only mythical animal in the Chinese zodiac and is considered a wise and benevolent creature. Because it is a water dragon, it means the year should be calmer than other dragon years.

But for me what I'm really excited about is that my book has a water dragon in it. I had no idea when I wrote it that I would be in the midst of publishing it the year of the water dragon. It feels extremely fortuitous. This year should see the release of my ARCs and the beginning of promotion for PROPECHY. And with the guidance of the Water Dragon, I can only hope that all will go well for my little book!

So here's to a wonderful Year of the Water Dragon for all of us!

Friday the Thirteeners!

2012-01-13T08:22:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to let you all know that I'm part of a new blog of YA writers who are debuting in 2013. We launched our blog, Friday the Thirteeners, appropriately on Friday the 13th! It's going to be a bit different over there so I hope you'll enjoy what we have planned. We'll be taking truth or dares and offering up neat little prizes. You get to put me on the hot seat in a couple of weeks so stay tuned. In the meantime, check out the new blog.

Friday the Thirteeners

Big Fat Dummy

2011-12-16T12:01:00.000-05:00

I love tennis. It is my all time favorite sport. I play every week with a bunch of hard-playing, competitive tennis players. Tennis can be a bit dangerous. I've gotten hit in the face and numerous other parts of my body on many occasions with a ball or racquet. But this week, I win the award for the biggest dumbass move of the year.

I went to hit a hard forehand, but after smashing the ball, my racquet naturally swings forward and up. Unfortunately, my left hand was in the way and I hit my left hand with my own racquet. The pain was intense but I continued to play and me and my partner won the set in tie-breaker 7-2. My hand hurts but I think it is just a sprain and go home and ice it. Because the pain doesn't subside, I practically wear an ice bag on my hand for the rest of the day. The next day it swells up into a black grapefruit. Strange really. I hit the inside of my hand, but it is the outside that swells and turns black. When the pain gets excruciating, I finally go to the doctor who apparently can tell just by looking at it that I have broken my hand. X-rays confirm his diagnosis. I have broken the outside bone under my pinkie joint.

Only I am a dumb enough to break my own hand with my own racquet. How sad is that?

Fortunately, I only need to be in a cast for 3 weeks and the cast is waterproof so I can still shower and he even said I could still play tennis if I want - although I can't cook or clean or do dishes or laundry or fold clothes ... etc. HA HA! I mean woe is me.

Asian hairstyle tutorial

2011-12-09T10:23:00.000-05:00

My nephew shared this video with me. It was too funny not to share with y'all.

Winner!

2011-12-02T21:35:00.001-05:00

And the winner of the LEGEND ARC is...

Anna Staniszewski!!!!!

Yay! Anna!

Course I have to take this moment to mention that Anna has a book that just came out recently called My Very Unfairytale Life. How cool is that title? And just take a look at her fabulous cover! Don't you just want to hug this book? To learn more about her book, click here.

So not only do I get to announce a winner, I get to tell you about another great book to add to your list of perfect books for the holiday season. Congratulations Anna on winning and most importantly on your book!!

Win an ARC of Marie Lu's Legend!

2011-11-23T00:20:00.003-05:00

Due to being sick as a dog all weekend and unable to promote the contest, I'm going to extend this out til Friday December 2nd. Thanks!

I didn't really want to give away my copy of the Legend ARC. NO I DIDN'T! I wanted to be completely selfish and keep it for myself and croon over it, calling it my precious. But then again, I'm a big fan and supporter of Marie's and I know how a good ARC contest can really help spread the word on a good book. So in the name of friendship, I am holding this contest for one lucky winner.

BTW - Marie shared with me her sketches of Day and June, the main characters of Legend. I just love getting a chance to see exactly what an author was envisioning when they created their story! I know that when the movie comes out (yes, movie rights have been optioned!!), they won't look like this, but it is still cool to see into the author's mind.

Ok so the contest rules are easy. First, check out the interview I did with Marie over at the Enchanted Inkpot. Second, spread the word, in whatever form you desire - smoke signals and morse code are acceptable only if at least one other new person, under the age of 85, was successfully reached by this method. Third, leave me a comment here to enter you into the drawing. Fourth, upload a Youtube video of yourself spelling your name out with your butt - in cursive.

Ok, so I might be kidding about one of these rules.

This contest is open internationally - and I mean it. In the past, I have had winners from South Africa and the Philippines. And if I get over 100 entries, I'll randomly select a second winner and send them a brand new copy of Legend, when it comes out next week. If we get to a second winner, the only change up in the rules on that one will be that you must be a blog or twitter follower to be entered.

And if this one goes well, I may be tempted to hold some more ARC contests for some really exciting new books coming out next year. The kind of books I happen to know many of you are salivating like rabid dogs over. We'll see how generous I feel during the holidays. Will you see Santa Ello or Grinch Ello? Only time, and what Da Man gets me for Christmas, will answer this important question.

I'm BAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!

2011-11-10T07:00:00.002-05:00

Not really.

The truth is I'm trying my damndest to finish up my first draft of Book 2. Am loving it and hating it. I think I'm writing some of the most amazing and exciting stuff and yet I also think it is utter crap. It's one of those things where you pat one side of your face while slapping the other side silly.

Why no, sir, I'm not insane.

Well perhaps temporarily.

To top it off, I have misplaced my brain somewhere and I can't seem to find it. It's not a good time to lose my mind what with holidays coming up and deadlines and visitors and lions and tigers and bears Oh My Swollen Left Buttock! I don't know why I just said that. Matters are clearly disintegrating rapidly.

I don't know how I will survive. But I'll tell you one thing that helps me pull through. The utter cuteness of my kids.

Youngest came up to me tonight and said, "Mommy, I'll make you feel better by putting on a puppet show. Meet Origami Yoda Oh and Darth Vader Oh. They will now proceed to fight for your entertainment."

Seriously, there's no greater medicine in the world to lift up your spirits.

Now what was I looking for again?

Going Dark While Revising

2011-08-27T13:13:00.000-04:00

To my wonderful blog readers who I truly appreciate more than words can say. Thanks for reading and supporting. Thanks for commenting and giving me inspiration. Thanks for being there for me. I love my little blog because of you guys and this is just a heartfelt post to let you all know how much y'all mean to me. Especially during a time where I can't always comment back or visit the blogosphere like I used to. Cause I admit it - I just can't keep up with everything going on in life anymore. And it doesn't help that I seem to be getting more absent-minded with age. So I'm going to have to let the little blog go dark for at least one month in order to really do the best that I can on my revisions.

Yes - revisions. I admit to being scared when I got my editorial notes on Prophecy. They looked incredibly intimidating. They reminded me of this:

I admit to leaving it on my desk and circling it warily for a week, too afraid to even touch it. Silly me. When I finally began to read through it, it really dawned on me why a good editor is so important to the publication of a book. Her comments, her questions, her notes were brilliant. She wasn't telling me how to rewrite my book, she was showing me how to make it stronger, tighter, better. Pacing, the bane of my existence, is now something I understand how to correct. I can see so much clearer now. I feel like dropping to my knees and bowing before her chanting "I'm not worthy."

Before I got my notes, I knew my editor was good because my agent told me she was good. But now I know just how brilliant she is from what is now going to be an amazing learning experience for me. And I'm ready. I'm excited. I'm also still scared cause the one thing it isn't going to be is easy. Everytime I see the word tighten scribbled on the side of a page, that's exactly what my chest does. When a word choice is questioned, I agonize over what would be a better one. The word "anachronistic" sends me into a panic. My mind is consumed by the revision process. And it is going to be great for my book. But that means I'm going to have to be more focused than before and make a sacrifice. As hard as it is, even at my now limited blogging level, I'm going to have to stop blogging for a little while. I hope that when I come back, I can share with you what I learned and how I've grown. So please don't forget me while I'm gone.

Like the Terminator, I'll be back.

A happy anniversary

2011-08-21T15:23:00.000-04:00

It's been a crazy time lately. Trying to get the girls ready for school. Trying to catch up on everything that piled up while I was gone. And trying to work on my revisions. It makes for a crazy time and I can't help but wonder if I'll ever be able to catch up. But in the midst of the craziness, Da Man and I celebrated our 17th anniversary. Wow! 17 years!!! We had a lovely meal out with the entire family and then came back home where, after swearing up and down that he hadn't bought me a present, I went up to my new little desk and found a little blue bag sitting on top of my manuscript.

After gaping at it in shock for a long moment, I tore into it only to find this little beauty!!

17 years and he still has the power to surprise and overwhelm me with how wonderful he is. So this is my little tribute to the Oh man who is my best friend, my greatest supporter, and my soulmate. Thank you for always being there for me through all that life sends our way. For being a great father to our girls and a wonderful husband. For never letting me give up no matter how much I whine and for holding my hand when things get rough. I am truly blessed in my life and I never forget it. Happy Anniversary!

Now, next year, there's this beautiful diamond necklace I've been eyeing... ;o)