Thursday, March 13, 2008

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 8

For awhile now Youngest has been calling random people she sees Humans. It is her way of differentiating people from animals. I didn't think anything of it until she began doing it loudly in public. Only then did I realize how funny and potentially offensive, it sounds. For example, the other day at my local supermarket, the high school students at a nearby high school came in a huge swarm. Youngest watched the mass exodus and announced in her loud child's voice, "Mommy the HUMANS are coming!!!"

No matter how many times I tell her to say people, person, man, woman, boy or girl, she prefers to use the term Human. She might tack on boy or girl to differentiate what kind of human, but that is as far as she goes. For example:

Mommy that human boy waved at me!
Look at that funny human.

The human has a dog!

Is she a bad Human or a good Human?

That Human picked his nose.

Is that a Human out there in front of our car?

Why did that Human cross the road?
What's the matter with that Human?

So I took Youngest to Target, my favorite store in the whole world, and we were being rung up by the cashier who was the most tatooed, pierced, dyed person I've seen since leaving NYU behind. Her head was half shaved/half dyed with bits of purple, magenta, aquamarine and black with about ten piercings in one eyebrow, both ears and a big stud in her nose. Her makeup was Marilyn Manson style goth black. Needless to say, Youngest was scared. She was sitting in the child seat of the shopping cart and she kept hiding her face in my coat while the cashier was ringing us up. At one point, Youngest peered out to look just as the cashier looked straight at her. This so surprised Youngest that instead of hiding her face in my coat she just screwed her eyes shut tight and asked me in a loud whisper, "Mommy, stop that Human from looking at me!"

"Shhhhh!" I said, embarrassed. "Don't be rude."

Youngest refused to open her eyes.

"Are we done yet?" she asked, eyes still tightly shut.

Cashier smiled sardonically at my apologetic smile.

"Whatever," Goth girl said, "I like when kids are scared of me. Then they leave me alone."

I mumbled an apology, took my receipt and started pushing the cart out. Youngest finally opened her eyes and peered carefully around me to take a final look at the Goth girl. When we were finally safely out of the store she announced, "Mommy, that was Noooo Human."

"You might be right," I said.

29 comments:

Rob said...

Awww, it's like having a little alien around. I think I might start using 'human' more...

Bernita said...

Your child has the basics of classification correct.

Kappa no He said...

That is so hilarious! And adorable. And as for the goth girl, sooo right!

Chris Eldin said...

Hahaha! But I also liked Goth girl's response. That was funny in its own right.
:-)

blogless troll said...

Ah-hahah! Hilarious! But you could use that to your advantage around really annoying people. After she calls them human, if you can get her to say, "Should we eat that one, or let it live?" You probably wouldn't have to wait in many lines.

Demon Hunter said...

Oh my, your kids are hilarious. I'm certain that comes from you...lol. :*) I bet you egg it on! :*)

strugglingwriter said...

"Whatever," Goth girl said, "I like when kids are scared of me. Then they leave me alone."

That's a real nice attitude to have in life. You daughter's reaction was really funny.

Our 22 month old likes to say things like "I eat people" or "I eat ducks" just to see our reaction. She hasn't done this in public yet! :)

J. L. Krueger said...

Ell,

I think Youngest may have correctly classified your Goth cashier!

Your posts about the things your kids say always reminds me of the Art Linkletter show, "Kids Say The Darndest Things"...don't they!

I may have dated myself a wee bit on that one.

jason evans said...

OMG, I loved that!! Humans, indeed.

Precie said...

LMAO!! Maybe it's trickier than we think! Maybe she has a highly developed alien radar that hasn't yet detected aliens. ;)

Does she also announce when you pass dogs and cats and such?

Ello said...

I wish I had a picture to show all of you the Goth girl. I was a little frightened of her myself.

Yes, Precie, she announces all animals within sight. She is seriously very cute, if I do say so myself! ;o)

Colleen_Katana said...

I hope my kids are as cool as yours someday!

damon said...

Love it when kids call 'em like they see 'em. Please explain to her that Goth is NOT human. It is a poor copy of a human, that copied itself over and over and over...

Janny said...

ROFL! LOVE it!

My daughter didn't label humans, but everything outdoors was a "creature." I would hear this little eager voice saying, "Mama, there's a creature out here!" Trouble was, the creature could be anything from a small, harmless ant to a garden snake to one of those nasty black and yellow spiders...and since the daughter had no fear...

I got to the point where I would ask how many legs the creature had. Daughter could only count so far, and if she said, "I don't know," it was probably time for Mom to move in. :-)

I just have to remember not to read this blog at work next time!

JB

J. L. Krueger said...

Damon,

I have got to remember that one! WOW! LOL!

My eldest daughter tried to "go Goth" in middle school. We clamped down hard then...glad we did. Half the "Goth" kids she tried to hang with were out of high school before freshman year ended. My wife even did nightly checks for illicit piercings.

The Quoibler said...

Why am I thinking of the Twilight Zone episode from whence came the awesome line: "It's a cookbook!"?

Honestly, you should have reprimanded your daughter as soon as she referred to Count Gothula: "No, honey -- that's not a Human."

Loved the story!

Angela Williams Duea said...

LOL!

Still, after getting to know some of my daughter's Emo/Goth looking friends, I have found they really are nice people, they just want to make a different statement with their appearance. I had to thank her for opening my eyes to this. I think I was a little prejudiced before.

Larramie said...

VERY perceptive is your Youngest, Ello. *VBG*

Melissa Marsh said...

Oh my. I need a laughing while rolling on the floor icon for this post! I LOVE it.

Lana Gramlich said...

*LOL* Reminds me of a time my ex & our husky were in the car, parked on the side of the street while I went into a store. On my way across the sidewalk a dad was passing by w/his 2 boys. One said; "Look at that DOG!" The other said (with significantly less exuberance); "Look at the OWNER." It was all I could do to keep from busting out laughing...

The Anti-Wife said...

Like mother, like daughter. You've taught her well!

Charles Gramlich said...

Please don't let your youngest ever come to identify with the "humans." Humans are not desirable creatures. They are nasty, brutish, and often unacceptable. Let her grow up thinking she's something better than humans.

Nevertheless, I laughed until I snorted cola from my nose. And I haven't had a cola since yesterday.

Travis Erwin said...

Human ain't so bad, I've been called far worse.

Mary Witzl said...

My eldest used to gravitate towards people like that Goth. The weirder their hair, the wilder their clothes and accessorizing, the more fascinated she was. It used to worry me.

I like blogless troll's suggestion, but I also like what the Goth said. Now I'm wondering why she decided to go for such extreme Gothness...

sherry smyth said...

Your youngest is very wise -- and I tell you -- I'm tempted sometimes myself to "shut my eyes" and not look again when I see "humans" that don't appear to be "human"!! Can you imagine that girl saying that she likes it that she scares children?!? Oy!!!

Aerin said...

Wait, there are 26 posts and no one mentioned the MOST important line? Namely, that Target is your favorite soul in the whole world??? YAY Target!!!

(from another Target-aholic)

Sustenance Scout said...

Classic, Ello! Or should that read Classic Ello! When my son was around four I took him to a diner in Boulder where all the servers wore rollerskates. He loved it. When two girls with a ton of punk makeup sat in the next booth he yelled "Mom, look at those girls. They're BEAUTIFUL!" At least they humored him; sounds like your Target cashier could use a little charm schooling. K.

Jennifer L. Griffith said...

I LOVE youngest! She is so insightful. Thanks for making me laugh.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I think your youngest is sooo cute...

That being said, Goths aren't all like that. Really. I know quite a few Goths that are quite nice.

I agree her comment was a little odd, but at times I've felt like that. And some times I just like to freak people out, don't we all have strange moods like that sometimes?

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