Post Office Pissing Contest

As all writers know, the querying process is damn hard. But the fact that most agents take email submissions has made querying easier, at least physically. However there are still some great agents out there who, though they might accept email queries, prefer to receive a hard copy of the manuscript. And that is fine and perfectly understandable.

So I had to send a hard copy of my MS, with a synopsis, to a requesting agent yesterday. I was a bit behind because, as all writers know, writing a synopsis is damn hard. And what with the contractors in my house, end of semester final grading, and the normal bitching and whining I like to do, the synopsis took a little longer than it should. But I finally finished it. Printed out my materials and ran off to the post office.

I don't go to the post office often. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year at most. But usually I don't have a bad experience, even if there is a long wait, like during the whole month of December. Usually the postal workers that I have dealt with are either very nice and friendly, or indifferent but still professional.

However, today was another story. I grabbed a padded envelope, which I knew would cost me $1.50 and got on line. When I reach the window, the postal worker takes my envelope and asks me if I would like to overnight it for $15.99. I say No, thank you. She then asks me if I want to priority mail it for $4.90. As I mull it over, she then asks me if I want confirmation for $.80 or something else for double the price. I agree to the confirmation and then she starts pushing me on the priority mail again. I don't think I need it. The agent's office is in Washington, DC, so it is local for me. But finally, I agree after she keeps reminding me how long regular mail can take. I ask her if I have to switch envelopes to the priority one instead. She says no, this envelope is fine. But then she points out that I have used a padded envelope and adds it to the bill which is now over $9.00!! I point out that priority envelopes are free. She states that since I didn't use a priority envelope I would be charged for the one I used. I then say, "but you are the one that pushed me to upgrade to priority. I didn't even want it."

She then says "I don't care about anything you have to say or the excuses you want to make. I don't care. You are going to pay for the envelope."

"Ok, fine," I agree. "But I don't want Priority."

She then had the audacity to get mad at me. Finally she grudgingly removes all the priority stickers and I pay my $5.00 bill and leave.

I feel like I went to buy a used car, not mail a package at the post office. Since when did the post office start pushing upgrades like car salesmen? It was extremely uncomfortable and awkward and I was quite shocked at the woman's behavior. In retrospect, I probably would have been better off with priority mail in the first place. But I'd rather have learned my lesson by myself instead of having it so rudely foisted on me by the postal worker.

Ironically enough, I will have to go back to the post office when I pull a winner for my contest. But the contest is still open for now. I've got 2 prizes and not enough entries! So the contest will be open for one more week. So leave a comment and win a prize. I mean dried squid, salted seaweed, chocolate covered phallic symbols, who doesn't want to win this? And if I could figure out how to mail octopus ice cream, I totally would do it!

But I think I want to go back and bring that nice postal worker a present. Something yummy. Ah yes, I will leave her a little stinky surprise.

This is natto, Japanese fermented soybeans that is mixed with a raw egg over steaming hot white rice. And it is NASTY. My parents used to eat this stuff all the time. I think it is how I developed such a strong gag reflex. Let's just say that the a football locker room filled with stinky, sweaty, players after a particularly grueling game, will smell like roses next to a bowl of this stuff. The odor alone will burn off your eyebrows and your eyelashes and you will want to cut your nose off your face to stop the horrendous smell. And the slimey, gooey, repulsive, vomit inducing taste of it! What a great present. I think I'll get a box of this and leave it for my new postal worker friend. I bet she'll get a real kick out of it. In fact, I'll put it in a priority envelope and mail it to her. Cause I'm considerate that way.