So summer is almost over and school is officially starting next week. Why does summer always feel so short? The week before school is always my craziest week. I take the kids out of camp so they can 'rest' and help me get ready for school as we sort out school supplies, clothing, athletic gear and all the other fun stuff this time of year entails. At the same time, I have to frantically prepare for my own classes which also start next week. I need another vacation!
I'm awash in a sea of paper, and it will only get worse. I had a whole month to prepare for classes, instead, I surfed the net clicking through link after link and finding ever more interesting blogs to read. And now I am scrambling once again. If procrastination is an American past time, then I am its reigning star. Only my husband is a worser procrastinator. I told him when he bought the fish tank that I would never clean it, repeat NEVER. He still bought it for the kids in order to hear the accolades of "Your the best dad!" That was back in January. He stocked it with fish and crabs that slowly died one by one until 2 remained. All because he procrastinated on cleaning the tank. Eight months later (this past weekend) after our oldest daughter complained that she couldn't take another fish dying, (neither could I since having to scoop up two bulging eyed dead fish was something I'm still nursing a grudge against my hubby on) he finally cleaned the tank. Hallelujah! Clean water in the tank! I have no idea how those 2 little white clouds have survived all this time but they sure are happy now. So hubby and girls went and bought a whole bunch of fish to kill off one by one again.
So one of the hallmarks of a procrastinator is also that they digress alot and tell pointless stories and blog about how much of a procrastinator they are. I'm just proving my point here. So all this procrastinating is bumming me out and yet I still can't get myself motivated. I need a good kick in the ass. Do any of you remember that Ebay listing for a good ass kicking fro 2001? For any of you who have never seen it, I have decided to post it here for your enjoyment...
I will kick your ass.
Item # 1641798199
I will kick your ass.
Item # 1641798199
Winning bid receives an ass-kicking from me personally. I am 6'0" and weigh over 230 lbs. If you win this auction, I will personally come to your house and kick your ass. I guarantee that I will not break any bones or kill you, nor will I use any weapons on you, but I will give you a good beating. I will do this under two conditions:1) You or anyone else does not press charges against me(after all, you bought the ass-kicking),2) You do not fight back or attempt to physically harm me in any other manner (this is your ass getting kicked, not mine).Buyer provides round-trip plane ticket to the nearest airport, as well as cab fare to your house and back. If you are not close to an airport, you may provide me with a train ticket or other means of transportation. Do not pick me up, as I will be attacking you completely randomly. Buyer must also provide good, clear directions to their house, as well as any business expenses for if I need to stay in a hotel or buy food for myself during the trip. Most likely though I will just fly in, kick your ass, and then leave.Upon my arrival, I will select a random time to come over and kick your ass. It may be when you are sleeping, or showering, or any other time during the day/night when you are most vulnerable. During this beating I may damage one or more of your household items, if I have to break glass to get into your home or knock over furniture if you attempt to run from me. This should be expected by you, and covered in my expenses. If you are married or have children, I may choose to slap around your family a little bit, but only if I'm feeling particularly generous. They should be informed of this, and expect it as well. Bidding starts at one cent ($0.01) but remember the winner must pay all expenses for my travel if they wish for me to come and kick their ass. I will accept check, money order, or Paypal. Or you could just let me use your valid credit card for a few days and we'll call it even.
Oh yeah, this is still funny reading it again. But definitely sounds too violent for a big wuss like me. Think I'll kick my own ass and get to work!