Thursday, November 29, 2007

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 3

Boogereater

I pulled up to a light with my girls in the car when all of a sudden I hear my oldest yell out:

"Gross, that guy is picking his nose!"

A young man in a small sports car sat picking deep into the recesses of his nose.

As the girls squeel in disgust I hear my middle child shout:

"Oh my gosh! He just ate it!"

As all three girls screamed and laughed in disgust, I rolled down the window so that the nose picker could hear the girls. HE looked at us startled to notice a bunch of kids staring down at him, pointing and laughing. The light turned green and he took off as fast as he could. Unfortunately, there was a lot of traffic so I kept pulling up next to him for a few more lights and the girls would squeal loudly all over again whenever we pulled up next to him. Serves him right. I could never understand people who seem to think that being in a car made them invisible.

Broken English

We have a nanny who is Korean and speaks very little English, but she has been with us for seven years. She used to be fulltime but has gone to parttime to mirror my own parttime status. Although my Korean is not great, I do manage to be able to talk to her somewhat. At least better than my husband who tends to just grunt at her. She communicates with the kids in a mix of broken English and sign language. My girls call her “Halmonee” which is Korean for grandma as a sign of affection and respect.

The other day my middle child comes home and informs me that she was a translator at school for a new child who had just come from Korea and didn’t speak any English.

“But honey, you don’t speak Korean,” I said.

“Yes I do!” she replied indignantly. “Watch!”

Turning to our nanny she says: “HALMONEE, ME (pointing to herself) TALKU KOOOHLEEEAHNNNN ATA SCHOOOOOOL TOOOODAY! BELLLLLY GOOOOOD! (nodding and giving two thumbs up)”

Oh dear Lord, my kid thinks speaking broken English with a Korean accent is speaking Korean. I can only imagine what that poor Korean kid at school was thinking.


30 comments:

Stephen Parrish said...

Now I know not to eat my boogers while YOUR kids are watching.

Merry Monteleone said...

You know, if I had an alias blogger account I'd be very tempted to respond to the booger episode with: "THat was YOU in that noisy car!!! Well, it's a delicacy where I come from, missy."

Too funny.

I love the Korean speaking progeny, too, your kids are a laugh riot... it took me forever to get my daughter to stop saying words in Spanish followed by, "Look, Mom, I can talk Mexican" - she doesn't get that it's insulting, but I bet all our Mexican friends find it just hysterical... though I have to say, she rolls her 'r's like nobody's business.

hey Ello, how's the writing going?

pacatrue said...

Your daughter has a great phonological ear. Adding extra vowels to the ends of words to change the syllable structure, changing certain consonants,.... Very nicely done. Maybe she can help with my research.

Now the question is, does her teacher think that Korean-accented English is in fact Korean?

Chris Eldin said...

Very funny!! You're right--people in cars DO think they are invisible! LOL!!!

The Korean-accented English is funny. It sounds like your daughters are interested in learning the language. Do you speak to them in Korean at all?

Mary Witzl said...

Good for your kids: if they keep their eyes out, they'll see a lot more of the same. What is it about intersections that makes male drivers want to pick their noses? I think I've probably spotted several dozen fellows engaged in nasal excavation and it's not a pretty sight.

Kids in Japan used to come up to me and 'speak English,' which was essentially a lot of expressions they'd gleaned from movies like 'Oh my God' and 'Hey you!' And I once had a conversation in a ladies' room in Tokyo with a very drunk young woman who told me her life story (in Japanese). She didn't speak one word of English, but later I heard her telling a friend that she'd managed a conversation with me in fluent English. I think her misconception had more to do with her state and my face than my accent.

Mary Witzl said...

Ello, I just remembered a great joke and I have to share it:

Q: What's the difference between a brussels sprout and a booger?

A: You can't get a kid to eat a brussels sprout.

Kids get a bad press: a lot of them don't like brussels sprouts but wouldn't dream of eating boogers. I wonder if the fellow in the sports car would have enjoyed that joke?

preTzel said...

Oh gross! I've noticed the whole "Hey, I'm behind glass so I can pick my nose, eat it/wipe it/flick it and no one will see me!" I was next to a guy in an SUV digging as if he was going to strike oil and then he would trail his finger down to his mouth, peek his tongue out, and then do a flick/lick. (Kind of like Cornelius did when the thought he had struck gold in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.) This guy kept it up until I laid on the horn. He jumped and his finger jammed in his nose. I was laughing so fucking hard. He then showed me his bird while I mimicked him nose picking. LOLOL! I'm literally LMAO thinking about that.

Your DD "speaking" Korean cracked me up. My sister is married to a Hispanic (he prefers Mexican) and when she talks to him she talks to him like he is stupid. It pisses me off. She is fluent in his language but she sounds ignorant speaking to him in English. DOH! (He is also very fluent/easily understood in English.)

Precie said...

Frankly, I think what I love most from today's post is that you rolled down your window so nosepicker would KNOW your kids were laughing at/grossed out by him. How UTTERLY COOL!

moonrat said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

belly funny.

Sarah Hina said...

Priceless, Ello. Kids have the sharpest eyes (and the loudest mouths!).

Too funny about the broken Korean. I had a Korean roommate in college, and she taught me how to say, "Mee-Ree isn't here right now."

I always had the impression that her mom was barely stifling her laughter.

Cakespy said...

Road Dahl said that picking ones nose, like sex, is something that is fine for yourself, but you don't want to see someone else doing it. (Not the exact quote, but along those lines). It's from the Uncle Oswald book and seems appropriate here.

Glad you liked the Pop-Tart post :-)

sherry smyth said...

I so love it when you post things your kids do or say...it's the break in my world where I get to just laugh out loud because life is just funny sometimes. Take your daughter to the UN and sign her up..quickly!!! :)

Patti said...

omgoodness! the talking korean cracked me up...i used to talk german that way.

Danette Haworth said...

If the post wasn't funny enough, I come here and see Stephen's comment and Mary's joke! Haha!

Charles Gramlich said...

I feel rather bad for the guy with the booger, but then, eating it is really not kosher.

Demon Hunter said...

Too funny...kids tell the truth! :*)

Colleen_Katana said...

Oh my gosh, SO CUTE! Your kids sound hysterical!

Melissa Marsh said...

Ah yes. I have witnessed people doing incredible things while sitting in traffic. ;-)

SherryTex said...

Having trouble swallowing right now. Eew.

Maybe your daughter should have talked to him about manners in Korean.

SzélsőFa said...

Ello, I've jsut seen how I missed another writing composition and everything all. I'm sorry.
I've read your kids story, though and had a big smile on both stories. :)

The Anti-Wife said...

Boogereater. Should be in the dictionary.

Erica Orloff said...

Ello:
I loved the story of your kids' nanny. We had a Brazilian housekeeper who not only taught my kids broken Portuguese/English . . . but would not be able to figure out where things went logically . . . because she couldn't read the labels. So every day was a "treasure hunt." "If I was Solange, where would I hide the light bulbs?" (for some reason, in the cabinet with pots and pans). But my kids had a ball. :-)
E

Ello said...

Ironically, the kid screaming the loudest about how disgusting the boogereater was has on occasion been caught doing the exact same thing! Yeah my kids are an absolute riot! One day I'm going to do a random book on everything they say and it will be a bestseller and then my kids will never speak to me again.

STephen - the guy did kind of look like you...

Merry - did a lot of writing today, you would be so proud!

Paca - actually I emailed the teacher and she was telling me how she had to bite her lips not to laugh out loud because my daughter was so earnest in her translation attempt.

Chris - my korean is so pathetic grown Koreans laugh at me and little kids give me a weird look because I get the formal and informal all mixed up and end up speaking inappropriately to little children.

Mary - I just told that joke to my kids and they laughed! Weirdly, they actually like brussel sprouts - which makes me shudder.

Pretzel - I've done that before too! Did he give you the finger with the one he was digging with? Had a little extra something on the tip? ;o)

Precie - how could I not? I am one mean evil pig!

Moonrat - Me belly funny, me raff rong time!

Sarah - welcome to my world! My dad still laughs at me til tears come out when I try to speak anything more complicated than how are you in Korean.

Cakespy - Loved it! Your site makes me so hungry!

Sherry - I'm glad you like my kids too!

Patti - I think it would be even funnier in German!

Danette - how come you let Church steal your hat?

Charles - Oh come on! You can't feel sorry for him! He was knuckling - that's how far up he was!

Demonhunter! - So glad to see you! Thanks for popping by!

Colleen - they are even funnier in person.

Melissa - picking your nose in traffic seems to be very commonplace - and it is not only men that do it!

Sherry - Now THAT would have been funny!

Szelsofa - I'll pop by your blog first before doing the next writing prompt!

AW - It's not? They need to fix that discrepancy!

Erica - Oh I can relate! My nanny likes to put things in strange places all the time! She also has been known to take dirty dishes out of the dishwasher and back in the cupboards.

Merry Monteleone said...

Just wanted to drop you a quick line to let you know your ode's up

jason evans said...

Nasty. Why an adult would think that is delicious is beyond me.

Carleen Brice said...

Okay, even if you ARE invisible...why are you eating what you find in your nose??!!

Travis Erwin said...

That part about your daughter's amaszing bilingual ability cracked me up. Great stuff.

Ello said...

Jason - it's probably got the consistency of escargot! ;o) slimy!

CArleen - maybe he was really really hungry and he didn't have anything in the car? so nasty!

Travis - am glad my kids amuse so many people! They are even funnier in person!

Leigh Russell said...

Love the Korean. Wouldn't it be great if speaking a foreign language was really that easy! It reminds me of a Japanese friend who taught us some Japanese.
MacDonalds = Macodonaldo
strawberry = storobelly
I remember those two because my husband went round telling them to everyone he met for weeks afterwards, he was so amused.

A thought - I wonder how old your kids are. (and if they read your blog....) They sound great.

Leigh Russell said...

Sorry! I entered my comment twice, in my typically cackhanded manner. Hence the deletion.

Search This Blog