Friday, December 21, 2007

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 4

Whoopee Cushion

A friend of mine brought her son and daughter over to play with the girls. Her son is 5 and her daughter is 8 and they both play really well with my three. The boy brought over his whoopee cushion and proceeded to show the girls how to sit and make loud and embarrassing sounds of extreme flatulence. Giggling madly, the girls began to argue who would get to sit on it next.

Shrieks of “it’s my turn,” “No my turn,” “let go,” “No, you let go” started to get louder and louder until finally I had had enough.

“That’s enough!” I shouted up to them. “No one plays with it anymore. Please put it away.”

There was a few minutes of absolute silence followed by whispers and giggles and then a loud farting sound exploded in the air as the kids began shrieking in laughter again.

“Didn’t I tell you to put that whoopee cushion away?” I shouted. To which my oldest girl responded, “Apparently we didn't actually need it.”


Evil Temptations

A neighbor brought by homemade brownies she had made for us the other day. After the polite thank yous, I sent the plate of brownies up with the girls while I stood chatting with my neighbor. After several minutes of chit chat, I headed up to snag a brownie for myself only to find that the girls had demolished all the brownies, leaving none for me.

“I can’t believe you didn’t save me even one brownie!” I cried out, quite miffed.

The older two had the grace to look a little guilty but the youngest, who is not yet 4, replied, “But Mom, you said chocolate is an evil tentashion for you, so we was helping you by getting rid of it!”

The other two brightened up and eagerly agreed, the middle child even going so far as to say, "Yeah Mom, we don't want you to get fat!"

I bet they were high fiving each other when I left.


Vurp

While driving in the car with the girls, my middle child lets out a massive burp. My youngest who sits right next to her cracks up and says “do it again!” My middle child burps again, not as loud. “Again!” says the youngest. Another burp, another "again."

“That’s enough,” I chime in. But they don’t listen to me as burps and "agains" keep coming and my middle child is starting to wheeze from the effort.

“Stop it!” I say just as the last burp turns into a vurp – vomit burp with a little spillage, and the middle child starts crying. The youngest stops laughing and says "ill, don’t do that again.”

13 comments:

Stephen Parrish said...

You need to start collecting these for a book.

strugglingwriter said...

He he he. I'm a big fan of fart jokes, so I loved the whoopee cushion story :)

Cute post.

Precie said...

Oh, heavens! I don't even know what to say. But those gals are a riot!

And of course you need to start collecting these for a book...the book you'll give their new husbands on their wedding days. :)

Carleen Brice said...

:-) These girls have their mom's sense of humor.

Chris Eldin said...

Awww! Too cute!
Vurp is prevalent among children!

I agree with Stephen, you should collect these for a book. :-)

Happy Holidays to you and your family!

March to the Sea said...

a vurp..thats a new one. We call em "apple cider burps". hahaha good stuff.

oh and farts are HE-LAR-I-OUS.

Danette Haworth said...

Love that first one! Merry Christmas!

Sarah Hina said...

You should title your book, "The Precocious Vurps of the Brownie Bandits".

You got a best-seller here, Ello!

;)

moonrat said...

hahahahaha oh goodness.

your brownie story reminded me... when my brother was a baby (like 2 or so), we were all at a family friend's house for a dinner party. my brother sat at my mother's feet and stroked her leg with his hand for awhile. then he said loudly, "mommy, why are you prickly like a cactus?"

Melissa Marsh said...

Oh Ell!!! I was giggling in my cube reading these! Ha!

Charles Gramlich said...

Not saving you a brownie is a serious offense. Next time you get brownies pretend you ate them all yourself and see what they say.

McKoala said...

These are all so funny!

Mary Witzl said...

Funny, Ello! I've learned fast: whenever a treat arrives in this household, I immediately hide it or pinch a bit of it for myself. If I don't do this, I don't get any.

My kids are crazy about whoopee cushions too. One of these days I'll post my story of how we managed to lose a large bag of whoopee cushions our last month in Japan.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

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