Thursday, November 6, 2008

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 16

I shall spare you all the torturous details of my latest root canal adventure as I have blocked most of it from my memory. I remember pain, convulsions and the smell of burning dog hair. I don't want to remember the rest. I can't believe I have to go back again next week for a crown. After all I have suffered, I think I'll ask for some diamond studs in the crown. It's a good thing I love my dentist otherwise I would have to hurt him.

But I will share with you one very important lesson I learned yesterday. Never eat anything really hot when half your mouth and tongue is numb from novacaine. This is a very important lesson. It is the same lesson as never eat piping hot pizza straight from the oven or you will burn the roof of your mouth and then you will have a long strand of burnt skin that hangs from the roof of your mouth which your tongue will box with all day long until you finally rip it out in crazed frustration leaving a patch of ripped off burnt skin that will ache with pain everytime you eat or accidentally rub your tongue on it - which is all the time.

In this particular case, the big problem with the numb tongue is that when you place the burning hot item in your mouth, at first you have no idea that you have given your mouth third degree burns. It is only when you try to chew and the volcanic substance hits the roof of your mouth that you realize the painful truth. You are an idiot.

So that was me when I tried to eat my frozen lunch that I nuked way too long and tried to take a bite of molten lava covered meatloaf. I quickly spat out the smoldering remains onto my plate, tears racing down my face as I realized that two things continued to be stuck to the nasty congealed steaming mass on my plate. First was a long simmering stringy strand of elastic drool. Second, a long thinly pink layer of skin which I realized was still attached to the roof of my mouth. I grabbed the drool and the skin and ripped them from my mouth, causing a sharp stabbing pain in my mouth as the skin ripped off from the the roof.

I made a small muffled sound of pain, which was still loud enough to bring Youngest running over from the living room. She peers into my face and pats me on my hand.

"You ok Mommy?"

"I'm alright, it's just my mouth hurts."

"It's the root canal?"

"Uh huh."

"The Dentist took out the nerves again?" (I had explained all about the dying nerves to the girls last week - also took advantage of the situation to really freak them out and make them brush their teeth better.)

"Uh huh."

"All of it?"

"Uh huh."

"Good! Because he didn't do such a good job last time cause you keep-ded on saying we was getting on your last nerves. But now he got it all out so you have no nerves anymore!"

She gives me a big smile and a kiss and with that the cheerful little sprite skips happily away.


Kim Kasch said...

Love it. I always tell my kids that too. They just don't care any more.

With age comes wisdom.

spyscribbler said...

Awwww! DH is going through a month of dental hell and misery. I've been having two root canals at a University clinic since June.

One has a temporary cap, and it HURTS underneath. There supposed to have removed the nerves underneath, right? It's not supposed to hurt!

I told him, but he shrugged it off. My tooth is his final exam, and I think he doesn't want to show he messed up.

But I can't afford another $1,000 to have it redone because he screwed up. I guess I have to insist someone come look at it before they put a permanent cap on. I don't know. I'm such a weak nilly when it comes to stuff like this.

Mary Witzl said...

That's a good one, Ello! As one who has burnt the roof of her mouth more than once, my deepest sympathies.

Even after my root canal, I seem to have plenty of leftover nerves for my kids to get right on.

moonrat said...

ohhhhhhhhh ello. haha. you're in BIG trouble if she's that sharp already!

JaneyV said...

LOL. Your Youngest must take cute pills.

Having recently burned the roof of my mouth leaving the entire surface one big blister, I can so relate! The other big problem I've had with frozen tongue syndrome is repeatedly biting the damn thing by accident.

Here's hoping for diamonds in your crown!

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm not sure I've ever burned the roof of my mouth bad enough to have rip off skin. I'm rather hoping I never do after this description.

It's fortunate that you no longer have any last nerves to get on.

Melissa Marsh said...

How cute is that?

I had a crown put on recently - went fairly well, so hopefully yours will, too!

Georgie B said...

Cute story.

Reminds me of the fun things my daughter would say that would make me scratch my head.

Like saying, "I'm trying to be board here!" in car full of happy people.

Thanks for the smile.

McKoala said...


Also never buy a glass of wine when still numb after a filling. You will tip half of it down your face and clothes. Stylish.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

OMG! My mouth has gone into convulsions of sympathy! Oweeeeeeeeeee!
As for your daughter, I echo Moonie, you're in big trouble!

jason evans said...

Oh. God.

I hurt just thinking about it.

Maki said...

Awww, kids are just amazing, aren't they???

Super cute post and hope you feel better!!

Stuart Neville said...

Ouch! Cute!

Precie said...

Wow, that's familiar...although I don't think I've ever burned the roof of my mouth THAT least in my experience, the burned skin never left my mouth. Oy.

And LMAO at that Youngest! She doesn't miss a thing!

Chris Eldin said...

Oh, sympathies also for your teeth.

Chris Eldin said...


This is very funny!
I say this too "You guys are on my nerves." Usually in hte car. Mostly in the car. Or grocery store.

Carleen Brice said...

Yow! That sounds bad as the root canal! I prescribe ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream.

Whirlochre said...

Dentists — huh. Any less sadistic profession would have come up with a euphemism for 'root canal' long before now. They're just bastards.

writtenwyrdd said...

Your description of the life lesson had me laughing hysterically, but I sure (metaphorically speaking) feel your pain, Ello. Hope you are feeling better in a day or two.

Sarah Hina said...

This made me laugh, and cringe. But I hope you're feeling better, Ello (and sorry I've been so absent lately)!

I love kid logic.

Kappa no He said...

Owch! Can't wait for this root canal business to be over. As for the little one, pure genius!

Erica Orloff said...

Love it. I keep telling Demon Baby he is on my last raw nerve. Perhaps--karmically--I should keep my mouth shut lest the Universe take me up on it. LOL!

Mom In Scrubs said...

You were going to spare us the pain of reliving your root canal...instead we get to relive the pain of searing mouth-roof-skin.

So much better!!

Ha, but seriously, Youngest is a riot. "Keep-ded," that's what my 4 year old always says!

Search This Blog