Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 16

I shall spare you all the torturous details of my latest root canal adventure as I have blocked most of it from my memory. I remember pain, convulsions and the smell of burning dog hair. I don't want to remember the rest. I can't believe I have to go back again next week for a crown. After all I have suffered, I think I'll ask for some diamond studs in the crown. It's a good thing I love my dentist otherwise I would have to hurt him.

But I will share with you one very important lesson I learned yesterday. Never eat anything really hot when half your mouth and tongue is numb from novacaine. This is a very important lesson. It is the same lesson as never eat piping hot pizza straight from the oven or you will burn the roof of your mouth and then you will have a long strand of burnt skin that hangs from the roof of your mouth which your tongue will box with all day long until you finally rip it out in crazed frustration leaving a patch of ripped off burnt skin that will ache with pain everytime you eat or accidentally rub your tongue on it - which is all the time.

In this particular case, the big problem with the numb tongue is that when you place the burning hot item in your mouth, at first you have no idea that you have given your mouth third degree burns. It is only when you try to chew and the volcanic substance hits the roof of your mouth that you realize the painful truth. You are an idiot.

So that was me when I tried to eat my frozen lunch that I nuked way too long and tried to take a bite of molten lava covered meatloaf. I quickly spat out the smoldering remains onto my plate, tears racing down my face as I realized that two things continued to be stuck to the nasty congealed steaming mass on my plate. First was a long simmering stringy strand of elastic drool. Second, a long thinly pink layer of skin which I realized was still attached to the roof of my mouth. I grabbed the drool and the skin and ripped them from my mouth, causing a sharp stabbing pain in my mouth as the skin ripped off from the the roof.

I made a small muffled sound of pain, which was still loud enough to bring Youngest running over from the living room. She peers into my face and pats me on my hand.

"You ok Mommy?"

"I'm alright, it's just my mouth hurts."

"It's the root canal?"

"Uh huh."

"The Dentist took out the nerves again?" (I had explained all about the dying nerves to the girls last week - also took advantage of the situation to really freak them out and make them brush their teeth better.)

"Uh huh."

"All of it?"

"Uh huh."

"Good! Because he didn't do such a good job last time cause you keep-ded on saying we was getting on your last nerves. But now he got it all out so you have no nerves anymore!"

She gives me a big smile and a kiss and with that the cheerful little sprite skips happily away.