Friday, February 13, 2009

Random Funny Things Other People's Children Say

I am at a large department store near their children's shoe section, which is also where the ladies room is located. As I pass by I notice a young child, no more than 3 years of age, pull down his pants, sit on the carpet and begin to scoot his bum all over the floor.

"JOHN!" his mother screams. "What are you doing?"

"My bum bum itches!" he shouts back.

"You're acting like a dog! Stop that immediately!!!" his mortified mother says as she picks him up off the floor and pulls up his pants.

"It's all your fault!" he insists as he resists pulling his pants back on. "You didn't wipe me so good!"

Poor kid - not only will he have a painful rash, but some nasty rug burn too. Must remind myself not to go shoe shopping there ever again. Or at least until they steam vac.

19 comments:

Jeanie W said...

Ew.

strugglingwriter said...

He he he. I don't know what I would have done if I saw this in person. Probably just stare in disbelief.

Paul

Rena said...

OMG! Some people were truly raised in barns.

Aerin said...

If I'd been the kid's mom, with the week I'm having, I'd snap, "then learn to wipe your own butt!"

Total sympathy for the mom. This week, anyway.

laughingwolf said...

egad! lol

JaneyV said...

I have this theory that toilet paper doesn't do the trick. Do you have Kandoos over your way? They are flushable wet botty wipes. If you use them - it totally reduces the likelihood of your child sandpapering off dried excreta using a shop carpet.

Poor Mommy; poor kid! And if you could just let me know the store name so I can avoid it - that'd be great!

Mary Witzl said...

Now my kids know why I tell them not to lie down on any old carpet!

This kid's mom needs to teach him the Indonesian method. You have a jar, always filled with water, right next to the toilet. Not to get too explicit, you use your left hand to do what has to be done, and wash well afterwards, with soap. Beats toilet paper hands down, no pun intended.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

He's clearly spent too much time watching the family dog...

Charles Gramlich said...

I kind of wish I hadn't been reading that one while eating.

Lana Gramlich said...

Oh, gross!

Whirlochre said...

At least the poor kid didn't squat back against your leg. Evolution has shaped the shinbone into a ridge for a reason.

Maybe the solution is for stores to equip their staff with anti-winnet water pistols — or simply to ban kids.

Personally, I blame the parents. Taking a badly wiped kid out shopping is a no-no.

Stacy Nyikos said...

Ohmigod, poor kid, but I have to say, the dog gets a little blame. We had two dogs before we had our kids, and my daughters both imitated dog behavior, some more embarrassing than others, but never the butt scootch thing. Is that a dog thing, or a boy imitating the dog thing?? Yeesh.

preTzel said...

Ick. I stopped shopping at one of our JCPenney stores after a woman had a bad case of diarhea and didn't make it to the bathroom. It was left there in a wet, wide pile and the odor was disgusting. I let management know and high - tailed it out of there. I would have preferred butt itching to that. :)

Chris Eldin said...

LOL @ the wiping!

Ello, sorry for this copy and paste....

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chriseldin1@gmail.com

(You don’t have to write anything, I just want your email address for my new contact list, if that’s okay).
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Lauren said...

Eeek! Poor kid and his poor mom! I'd totally tell him that he needs to learn to wipe and that might not happen. Ew ew ew.

Melissa Marsh said...

Oh wow. How mortifying for the mom.

Larramie said...

Surreal!

Anonymous said...

You know mom,this sorta reminds me about Angus when she sits on the floor after taking a shower naked and when she jumps on my bed naked!HA HA HA!
love you!
Oldesy(I'm not that old!)

Danette said...

Just. O.M.G.

Danette V.

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