My Dad called the other day and said, "So all my friends want to know when your book is coming out."
"Me too!" I replied.
"What's taking so long?" he asked.
"I'm revising again." Yes, the never ending revision process...
"Still?! What the heck takes so long? It takes you 10 years to write a book about Korea?"
"You'd better hurry already, all my friend's are waiting to buy your book!"
"I'm working hard on it, really I am," I said, quite peevishly. It's not like I procrastinate by surfing the internet for obscure historical tidbits about issues completely unrelated to my book. No, I didn't just waste 2 hours today looking up who invented chewing gum even though it is highly unlikely, even in my fantasy world, that my characters would actually chew gum.
"Well work faster! They're gonna tell all their churches about your book. Do you know how many Korean churches there are in this country? Over 4,000! Do you know how many Korean Americans? Over 1.5 million!!! And they all will buy your book, not like those other Korean books that complain about how they hate their parents, hate being Korean, hate kim chee, ,etc etc."
(I love the way my Dad says etc. "Etacetehrah, etaceterah!")
"They don't want to buy complaining books about how it is so hard to grow up Korean American and garbage like that. They sick of it! But your book they want to buy! Ancient Korea! Myths and legends! Big Hit!" This speech took like 10 minutes because he tends to have lots of meaningful pauses as he talks.
"Ummm, Dad, you've never even read my book..."
"So what? I know it's good because I helped you!"
This is true, my Dad did an amazing amount of research for me. He even translated several Korean books for me because I am Korean illiterate.
"And do you know that there is a Korean Association in every state?" he asked.
"Don't worry Dad, I'm going to hire you to promote my book!"
"If it ever gets published," he said.
"How about you publish it in Korea? They would love it!" he continued.
"I am illiterate in Korean, remember?"
"It's ok, I'll translate it for you... but I'll have to charge you..."
"Sure, but how will I know that you didn't try and change my words around or something?"
"Then you would see my name instead of yours on the cover."
"And don't worry, I will only charge you 50% of gross!"
Sheesh. He drives a hard bargain.