1. I love tabasco. When I went to New Orleans, one of the best parts of the trip was being able to buy a gallon size of tabasco sauce. I put it on everything except sweets, but not for lack of trying. The world is a better place because of tabasco. In fact, I have even composed an Ode to Tabasco.
Ode to Tabasco2. I am not good at poetry. See number 1.
Oh glorious red marvel of hot treasure
How I adore thee all the time!
Boring foods now have become a pleasure,
although you burns me behind.
3. I hate surprises. My husband knows better than to ever throw me a surprise party cause that would piss me off so bad. I've been known to turn to the end of a book I was reading, just to make sure who ever I was liking or hating, lived or died by the end. Of course I would never do this anywhere near Josephine Damian who has promised to smack me upside my head if she ever caught me doing it. Now I've found themoviespoiler.com which is like my new best friend now! I can know exactly what happens before I go see a movie! Ha, my husband hates this! If I ever even inadvertently give away some small inconsequential plot detail of some movie he wants to see, he refuses to see it claiming I have ruined the experience for him. Talk about overly dramatic. I mean just because I told him Bruce Willis was dead in Sixth Sense. Sheesh. ;o)
4. I don't believe in the line "it's the thought that counts." Cause it doesn't. It's not just the thought that counts but how you execute it. Seriously. I would rather receive no present than have a crappy insincere one. For example, I was once friends with a woman who, when she had her first baby, I sent her a lovely baby present. When I had my second child, this woman sent me a present also. I wish she hadn't. It was a baby blanket that no longer had any labels on it so I had a sneaking suspicion it had been used once before. Plus, it smelled of cat piss. I swear to you all. Cat Piss. I would much rather have never received anything from her, or just a card congratulating me would have been much preferable to a nasty stinky baby blanket that some miserable cat pissed on.
5. My embarassing karaoke story. Back when I was a wild young thang, we all went out drinking at some bar that was having a karaoke night. I got drunk enough to be persuaded to sing Like a Virgin on the bar's stage. I was so toasted I couldn't remember the lyrics and couldn't read the words on the screen so I just kept singing "touched for the very first time" and "like a virgin" over and over again and throwing in alot of "Whoas!" All I can remember is that there were alot of military guys out that night who were trying to convince me that I was the next Madonna and trying to persuade me to sing it again but luckily for me, my girlfriends were wise enough to drag me home. The moral of the story is never go out without a good group of girlfriends to save you from yourself.
So I dare anyone else to share an embarrassing story with me! Come on, let's hear it.
21 comments:
I was considering telling an embarrassing story but I don't think I can top that karoke one you told. ;)
I am not good at poetry.
Yes you are. I loved it.
i have a buddy who LOVES tabasco and i will have to share your work with him...!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Ello, you're wonderful!
To read your blog is to put me in a good mood - guaranteed. Thank you! :-)
I'm with you on stories and movies.
Oh, I've got one, I've got one! Actually, I have a baker's dozen at least, but this one will do.
Why I don't Drink and Drive
When I was nineteen or twenty (yes, underage... a little past the statute of limitations now, though) I had a rule about drinking and driving - I was afraid to get completely trashed and drive, so I would only have a beer if I was the designated... but we started hanging out at a bar only five blocks from my house and over time, one beer turned into many more... because it was such a short drive... yada, yada...
I left the bar one night with a bunch of friends who walked me to my car. I was completely sober, thank you very much. It was really really windy and we always parked on this tree lined side street - the trees were ginormous, too. So, I said my goodbyes, got into my little ragtop with the rubber band engine, and headed home. On the way, I stopped at a red light and there was a cop at the corner, just staring at my car. And I thought, hey, I'm completely fine, I stopped before the line, no problem.
The cop stayed there, through his green light, just staring at me, and when the light changed, I went through thinking, oh, he's pulling me over... but he didn't (he was probably laughing too hard) I went another block, made my turn and went around the alley way to park in my garage, like always...
but for some ungodly reason, my car would only go halfway into the garage and then it wouldn't budge. I backed up, tried again, nope, stopped at the exact same place... so I pulled all the way into the alley and got out of the car to look in the garage and see why it was I couldn't pull in... I'm looking all over my bare garage, as if there's some sort of invisible barrier preventing my entrance... nothing.
I walked back out to the alley and looked up at my car to realize there was a tree sticking out of the roof of my ragtop... not a branch mind you, a fucking tree. It had to be an overlarge branch that was swept off in the wind where I parked... but the base of it was on my gear shift, I don't even know how I put the stupid thing in gear, let alone drove it home without noticing, and it was at least a good five feet of tree coming out the roof of my car...
So there was little drunk girl, on the roof of her car at two in the morning, pulling out the shrubbery from hell, and falling on her ass about three times... The next morning I found a good six inch hole in my top (thank God for duct tape) and I have never had more than one drink if I'm driving since that day...
You think you're okay, but not so much...
Okay, there's a good embarrassment for you. And Merry Christmas to you!
I can't believe you check out the endings to movies and books! LALALALALALALA I'm not listening. I had to practically lock myself into a sensory deprivation tank so I could read Atonement at the speed of light in order not to see one of the many spoilers on line! I'm 100% with you on #4. I'd rather a sincere phone call, email or letter than a meaningless gesture/gift any day of the week. I think I'm going to start a 2008 initiative for a return to sincerity :)
I have too many embarassing stories to pick just one! ;-) But yours is pretty darn funny.
I can't stand tabasco - yech!
Re: #1, I feel that way about mint coriander chutney.
#5 is hysterical!
The only karoake I ever did was "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
I want to do more. Although no-one said anything, I could tell they were spellbound by my talent.
;-)
We go through tabasco in this household like you wouldn't believe. My husband sometimes even starts pouring it on before tasting -- a big mistake when I'm the cook, as I often don't tend to take the seeds out of fiery peppers.
And the thought DOES count, but that is not an excuse to give someone a used baby blanket with cat pee on it. For the thought to count, it has to be a GOOD thought. If she was pressed for cash, she could have given you an offer to babysit and a couple of bags of Pampers or something.
As for turning to the end of a book to find out the ending, I have lived in fear of people finding this out about me, and now I know someone else who does it! I can't bear not knowing whether someone I've fallen in love with is going to get whacked. On a few occasions, I've actually stopped reading the book when I knew it was going to happen. My husband is driven wild by this and I have to be careful not to let him catch me doing it.
As for embarrassing stories, I will never forget being asked to give an impromptu speech -- in Japanese -- at a friend's wedding in Tokyo, when both her brother and our boss failed to show up. I got stuck trying to say something I probably couldn't even have managed in English, and kept going around and around, desperately trying to finish the same sentence. Just remembering this makes me weak with shame. I happen to know that she's got this on tape, too, but bless her, she's never once referred to it.
Well, you already know one of my embarrassing stories, published in November... Just mentioning caterpillars should bring it to mind. :-)
And I love Tabasco... I love hot sauces period! I'm always adding hot sauces to everything... egg sandwiches, Kristina's curries (when she's not looking, spicy Bloody Caesars (which I believe is a strictly Canadian libation)...
I'm thinking of building a shrine to Tabasco.
That sounds like a blast! I wish I'd been much more crazy in my twenties. I should have collected embarrassing stories!
Oh, Ello, I just love your posts!
And I've never done a single embarrassing thing in all my life.
Really.
;)
I am with you on the hot sauce thing, though my sauce of choice is Sarancha, which I think is Vietnamese. It's red pepper like Tabasco, but doesn't have the vinegar. I've started mixing it with other sauces as well to give them a kick - ketchup, bbq, etc. Even put some on the scrambled eggs this morning.
I loved the poem, too! And the whole entry made me laugh!!
I love your randomness...and your ode to tabasco!!!
By the way, I've left something for you over at Sage and Thyme today.
i think, actually, that's basically all there is to LIKE A VIRGIN.
alas, my girlfriends never save me from anything. i think perhaps they keep me around largely for their amusement.
I forgot to buy my beloved husband a present one Christmas, so I grabbed a book he knew I planned to give my Mom and wrote "Thinking of You as I wrapped this book" --Love, Sher
Ello,
Ode to Tabasco was wonderful!
So grateful that there are others who are willing to share their embarassing moments with me! I have so many to choose from to blog about!
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