1. I like to talk to myself. All the time. Even in my sleep. I find myself truly amusing. I also crack myself up on a regular basis. My own jokes are so funny that I laugh harder than anyone else in the room. And if they don't laugh at all, I just about go into hysterics. This is why I am never bored.
2. After seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark, I was determined to marry Harrison Ford when I grew up. In fact I practiced writing "Love You" on my eyelids with my mother's black eyeliner but all I did was make myself look like I had two black eyes. Plus I was a stupid kid so I kept writing "U EVL."
3. My maiden name is Ha. Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want. Believe me, there isn't a joke I haven't heard already. Remember that old tv show "Hee Haw?" That was me "She Ha." I never ever saw the show but I can tell you I will hate it til the day I die.
4. I married a guy with the last name Oh. Oh no she didn't. Oh yes she did.
5. Ha and Oh make for the worst married hyphenated name in the world. But it is great fun for telemarketers trying to pronounce your name right. "Is Ms. Haaaaoooh there?" "Is Mrs. Hanoh there, I mean Haaaalohhh?" "Is Mrs. Hauhumoh there?" I always say no and hang up.
6. After I delivered my first child, my loving husband, so warm and caring and attentive, who had been by my side as I squeezed his hand to a pulp and bore down so hard on his right shoulder that he was a bit hunchbacked for awhile, turned and caught my Doctor removing the placenta to which Da Man shrieked out at the top of his lungs, "Oh my god! That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life! I think I'm going to puke." Why don't you take a guess as to what my response might have been. Was it:
No tagging. But as always feel free to share randomness with me so that I can talk to myself about it later and amuse myself at your expense.
a. That's really nice, honey! Way to make me feel really good!
b. F**k You, A**hole!!!!!
c. You are such a jerk!
d. If you think that's disgusting now, wait til I take it home and serve it to you for dinner, jackass!
e. None of the above
f. All of the above