Monday, April 28, 2008

Six more random thoughts

Precie tagged me for another one of those random memes. Funny thing is I realize that I have actually been tagged by the random virus six times already. You would think that I would be all randomned out. But you would be wrong for I am one bizarre person.

1. I like to talk to myself. All the time. Even in my sleep. I find myself truly amusing. I also crack myself up on a regular basis. My own jokes are so funny that I laugh harder than anyone else in the room. And if they don't laugh at all, I just about go into hysterics. This is why I am never bored.

2. After seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark, I was determined to marry Harrison Ford when I grew up. In fact I practiced writing "Love You" on my eyelids with my mother's black eyeliner but all I did was make myself look like I had two black eyes. Plus I was a stupid kid so I kept writing "U EVL."

3. My maiden name is Ha. Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want. Believe me, there isn't a joke I haven't heard already. Remember that old tv show "Hee Haw?" That was me "She Ha." I never ever saw the show but I can tell you I will hate it til the day I die.

4. I married a guy with the last name Oh. Oh no she didn't. Oh yes she did.

5. Ha and Oh make for the worst married hyphenated name in the world. But it is great fun for telemarketers trying to pronounce your name right. "Is Ms. Haaaaoooh there?" "Is Mrs. Hanoh there, I mean Haaaalohhh?" "Is Mrs. Hauhumoh there?" I always say no and hang up.

6. After I delivered my first child, my loving husband, so warm and caring and attentive, who had been by my side as I squeezed his hand to a pulp and bore down so hard on his right shoulder that he was a bit hunchbacked for awhile, turned and caught my Doctor removing the placenta to which Da Man shrieked out at the top of his lungs, "Oh my god! That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life! I think I'm going to puke." Why don't you take a guess as to what my response might have been. Was it:

a. That's really nice, honey! Way to make me feel really good!
b. F**k You, A**hole!!!!!
c. You are such a jerk!
d. If you think that's disgusting now, wait til I take it home and serve it to you for dinner, jackass!
e. None of the above
f. All of the above
No tagging. But as always feel free to share randomness with me so that I can talk to myself about it later and amuse myself at your expense.

28 comments:

JaneyV said...

Great fun Ell! I think you're hilarious too (I'm pretty sure that's a universal opinion).
Invariably when I was growing up when i told people my name was Jane, they used to beat their chests and say "me Tarzan". What's in a name? A lot of piss-poor jokes!
I'm taking a guess that for No.6 you answered b or d?

McKoala said...

Fart jokes, I presume.

I'll go with e. I'm thinking you can do better than that, even post delivery...

Bernita said...

~dies, laughing~
I am sooo boring.

J. L. Krueger said...

Ell,

I second janeyv on your hilarity!

I'm guessing f...can't imagine you leaving off with just one reply.

I sure as hell can't imagine you saying nothing! ;)

Precie said...

"Oh, no she didn't. OH yes she did." BHahahahahahahahaha. Ha.

Sorry. But this was such a great way to start my day! You crack me up.

I'm guessing you said all those things BUT my suspicion is you waited until you were home for a few days, made meatloaf, and then said, "Guess what's for dinner!" ;)

Mary Witzl said...

Yay, Ello, I talk to myself all the time too! I have never once believed that it was the mark of a deranged mind. Talking to yourself is refreshing and therapeutic and those who do it are very healthy and pleasantly eccentric. And now I've met someone else who does it, so hooray!

After that placenta remark, I'm going to guess you said A through D -- am I right? In Japan, the new mother's family used to take home the placenta and bury it under a tree. My spoilsport doctors and midwives in Tokyo refused to let me do this, thus ruining what could have been an interesting cultural experience.

Melissa Marsh said...

I hope you did ALL of them on the list. ;-)

Aine said...

Thanks for sharing your humor!! You always make me LOL.

My guess is "all of the above".

You should have told him of Hantu Uri which I found through a web search to be a "dangerous placenta spirit in Malaysian folklore. It may cause trouble after a birth."
:D

Demon Hunter said...

I think you'd say all of them, but the one about serving the placenta for dinner is definitely something you might say...lol. :*)

Charles Gramlich said...

HaOh! I will make such a person a character in my next book. You don't think it'll sound too unrealistic do you?

pjd said...

You're definitely not laughing alone this morning. If I were coherent and clever right now, I'd write what Precie wrote.

And by the way, if you want further justification for hating the show Hee-Haw, just netflix it. I loved it... when I was five. But I can't remember why. I think it was the really corny jokes (told in an actual Hollywood fake cornfield). Five year old boys love really corny jokes.

Sarah Hina said...

Ello, you deserve your own sitcom! I laughed harder at this than at anything within the last week. Please become infected by the random virus again, and soon. :)

Carleen Brice said...

If I was you, I'd be laughing at myself all the time too!

Larramie said...

Love that you laugh and enjoy yourself, Ello. If only more individuals could feel such joy...

blogless troll said...

HAHA!

I used to watch Hee-Haw as a kid, but the only thing I remember about it was when the wood fence would smack them in the ass.

Angela Williams Duea said...

That's so funny about the placenta! I hope you said option D to him.

Ugh, people always have to make fun of names. Don't they have anything better to do?

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

I had a crush on Harrison, too. I even dragged my friend to the theater to watch her reaction at the first closeup of his green eyes.

We went to see Raiders about fifty times. The theatre across the street had it running for two years straight. Everytime we were bored, we'd say, "Let's go see Raiders!"

Kappa no He said...

Hilarious!

I feel so old. My crush on Harrison F. started with the first Star Trek.

I'm guessing D, btw.

Travis Erwin said...

My middle name is Dwayne which spurned lots of Travis, Dwayne the bathtub, Erwin is drowning comments.

April said...

I vote for f. all of the above! very funny blog.

Vesper said...

Ello, if I want to feel better all I need to do is come to your blog for a good laugh. I’m never disappointed!

Your six random things are just hysterically funny!!! I was just tagged for this. I might consider tagging you again… :-) For your no. 6 I’ll choose answer d).
:-) :-) :-)

Josephine Damian said...

I vote D since Da Man recently poisoned you with his "cooking!"

Danette Haworth said...

Ello, you made me laugh out loud. Love this entry, especially #5.

The Anti-Wife said...

So backwards you are Ah Ho. Hmmmm.

cindy said...

haha! i <3 the placenta. it's the only organ that a human can actually grow--all for the miracle of carrying a baby to birth.

i had my doula take a foto of my placenta. i was sad we didn't get a foto of the second one i made.

the suckers are HUGE!

Sarah Laurenson said...

Very funny, Ello!

Yeah, names are a bitch. I got Sara Lee and Sarah Smile (complete with out of tune singing) all the time.

But the weirdest part is all the people who called me Sally or Sharon. I even got Laura sometimes.

Mary Witzl said...

Ello, take a look at how my legal name is spelled, then consider the proximity of S and W on the keyboard. Believe me, I've heard my share of cheap jokes too.

Lana Gramlich said...

I talk to myself a lot, too. I often joke that it's the only way I ever get intelligent conversation. ;)
I had a bad car years ago with the license plate; "733 HAH." I referred to it as "the Jokemobile."
When I became Lana Gramlich last Oct., I realized that I was now a "Lanagram." My initials are now LRG, which is appropriate, I suppose...
I guess "d" for #6.

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