So the other day I am brushing Angus's hair in the bathroom when she sticks out her belly and announces that she is so fat.
"No you are not and don't say such things in public because it can be offensive."
"What do you mean?" Angus asks.
"Well if someone who is really fat were to hear you, they might be hurt," I said.
Angus puts her hand on my arm and looks up seriously at me and asks, "Mommy, did I hurt your feelings?"
I have been sulking for two days now. Can't believe my 6 year old thinks I'm fat. Sheesh, I'm not fat, I'm just overweight. I mean just because the girls have named my tummy pooch "Cupcake" does not make me fat. Just because I'm 3 sizes my pre-pregnancy size does not make me fat. Just because my Mom likes to borrow my jeans, put them on, pull the waistband out and laugh about how she can stick another person in with her, does not make me fat. Like Youngest says, "Mommy, you are not fat, you just have smushy parts!"
I could blame the media and the toy and fashion industry for their unrelenting obssession with being thin, but I can point to something else closer in proximity. My friends and other skinny ass moms from school. Were I to sit on them, my size 10 butt would snap their size 2 frames in half. I don't get it! My friends who didn't have babies, I can easily discount. After all, pregnancy ruins your body. But these skinny ass moms had just as many babies as I did. That is so wrong!
Talking to them is painful enough.
I never eat desert.
Salads are my favorite thing to eat.
Oh I can eat anything I want! I never gain weight.
Die, Bitch, DIE!!
So I had a recent conversation with another Mom from Youngest's school. A lovely lady who has 2 strapping boys and yet has managed to maintain her pre-pregnancy figure of a size 4.
Skinnyass - I'm so bad. I've been grazing on snacks all day long!
Fatass - What kind of snacks?
Skinnyass - Oh you know, granola, nuts, carrots, celery...
Fatass - Hey I didn't know they made celery flavored Doritos!
Skinnyass (laughing) - Oh E you are so funny!
Sheesh, I wasn't kidding! But apparently when she meant grazing, she really meant it. I equate snack with tasty and it takes a lot of ranch dressing to make celery tasty.
So I'm back on my diet again. The second day and once again I have failed miserably. Today it was not really my fault. We had an all day long faculty meeting and one of the professors brought in a box of pastries. I tried to hold out but the pastry started talking to me.
Hello Ello! The cheese danish said. At which point I promptly ate it. Because as you all know, it had me at Hello.