Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 32

I took the girls to the mall and wouldn't you know it, right as we started shopping, they all had to go to the bathroom. So I take them to the public bathroom and they do their business and everyone is out washing their hands.

A young lady walked out of a toilet stall and stands at a sink next to Angus. Only she doesn't wash her hands. She peered at her face in the mirror, smoothed her hair and then turned to walk away. Angus, who is a bit OCD, is so startled she cried out "That girl didn't wash her hands!"

Youngest immediately shrieked "YUCK!!!" which is ironic because we are always yelling at her to wash her own hands with soap when she pulls the trick of merely wetting them.

The woman hadn't gotten to the door yet and so she turned around and stomped back to the sink to wash her hands.

She glared at Angus and said "That's very rude, you know."

Angus, who has been taught not to be rude, is a bit taken aback. "I'm sorry," she said politely. "But you didn't wash your hands and that's not just rude, that's disgusting."

I'm just leaning against the wall watching the whole interaction as I tried to keep Youngest from running amok. The woman walked past me and said snidely, "You need to teach your daughter manners."

I just raised my eyebrows and said, "Looks to me like she was the one reminding you of yours."

She glared at me again and walked away. Angus looked at me with big sad puppy eyes. "I didn't mean to be rude," she said. "I thought maybe she forgot to wash her hands is all."

"That's ok, honey," I said. "You're not in trouble with me."

She looked relieved and then pulled a disgusted face. "Mommy, she was touching her face and hair all over with her pee pee hands!"

"YUCK!" Youngest shouts out again. "And what if she did number 2?"

So ladies be warned, wash your hands or hear the wrath of Angus and Youngest.

Missing Brain

Have you seen my brain? Here is an X-ray picture for identification purposes.

I appear to have misplaced it. Or maybe someone has stolen it. Or mistaken it for a cashew and eaten it. Whatever the case, I find myself brainless these days and it is making me quite tired. Apparently thinking is really hard to do without one. I think I'm due an upgrade. I would like one that doesn't have the erase memory function but includes long term retainment ability with an endless hold capacity. I'd also like to have a brain that tells me sweets is yucky and vegetables are delicious. Or one that has a working hunger On/Off switch cause mine has been defective since high school. I would like one that doesn't shrivel up and shift to the back of the head whenever I have to do a math problem and that doesn't make my eyes glaze over while reading a scholarly journal. While we are at it, can someone just go ahead and install a microchip in the brain with the full Encyclopedia Britannica set.

Due to my brainless state, I have been lying low. I'm still posting over at the Enchanted Inkpot, but the little bit of ability I have has been focused on my revisions. Which...........has..............been ..................... going............................... real......ly.................................. slow.

For the first conscious time I have marked my google reader, which was reading 1000+ and which I find very misleading because I could be at 10,000 + and all it would say is 1000+ which if you think about it is much more attainable then 10,000+ and yet how misleading of it to just say 1000+... Oi!!! Brainlessness causes massive buildup of gas in empty cavity which leads to brain farts. Sorry about that - anyhow - what I meant to say is that I was bad and deliberately marked my google reader because I was spazzing out and it made me feel better to put it to zero. And then some people who will not be named, kept insisting on posting every few minutes and bringing my counter up to over a 100 so I had to mark it all read again and step away from the computer cause I was all verclempt and all that crap. I also accidentally unfollowed a whole bunch of people and then frantically tried to follow everyone again - in full disclosure, I did the unfollowing over the course of the past couple of weeks. I'm not sure if I am following everyone I was following before. Since I was following nearly 200 blogs, there is a good chance that I missed someone. So blame the person who took my brain and just shoot me a nice email - or a bitchy one, I deserve it - and let me know I am not following you anymore. And my little piggy will hoof it over as fast as you can say......

What the hell was I just talking about anyway? Oh yeah, if any of you missed me, I'm afraid you will have to do without the little piggy for a little while longer. Brainlessness is contagious and I don't want to spread it around. So this is a public safety issue is alls I'm saying! I may be posting sporadically and visiting even less often as I try and finish off my revision. So stay away if you have to (sob) but please come back on July 1st because I have a real treat. Two copies with signed bookplates of Grace Lin's beautiful new middle grade novel Where the Mountain Meets the Moon.

The book is out July 1st but I had the pleasure of reading it early. This beautiful folksy story based in China is absolutely brilliant and a book I've read out loud to my kids. And all 3 of them adore this book. I will also have a lovely little printed picture of the main character that is autographed by Grace Lin herself, as a prize. So please come back on the 1st. Hopefully I will have a new upgraded brain working for me by then.

Missing music

Still in crisis mode. This makes me mean and nasty. Time for posting and blog reading minimal. Trying desperately instead to maximize writing time which is difficult now that the kids are out of school - which makes me meaner and nastier. So I've been loading up all my old CDs onto my new ipod. But I am missing lots of CDs. In particular my Journey, Abba and Doobie Brothers Cds. Strangely enough, Da Man passionately despises these bands.

I suspect foul play. In retaliation I have purchased a particularly treacly song that I don't even like, "Oh Sherrie" by that famous mullet man Steve Perry, which Da Man has informed me is like someone ripping open his back and poking at his central nervous system with a cattle prod. Tonight, when he is sleeping, I shall inflict psychological torture by playing "Oh Sherrie" right next to his ear all night long. If I am feeling compassionate, I shall also mix in some "Dancing Queen" and "Mamma Mia." However, if I am feeling mean, I'll mix in Abba's "Fernando" instead, because I've actually seen him turn 3 shades of green when he hears it. And I shall do this every night until he coughs up my CDs or buys me new ones. Or I might just do it cause it is plain wicked fun. I wonder what kind of dreams he'll have?

Don't hate me cause I'm evil, fear me instead.

Funny Friday Commercial

This has been a seriously difficult week for the entire Oh clan. We just seem to be going from one crisis to another. So I'll just leave you with this Korean commercial that always cracks me up. Have a nice weekend!!

Conversation with Dad

My Dad called the other day and said, "So all my friends want to know when your book is coming out."

"Me too!" I replied.

"What's taking so long?" he asked.

"I'm revising again." Yes, the never ending revision process...

"Still?! What the heck takes so long? It takes you 10 years to write a book about Korea?"

sigh.

"You'd better hurry already, all my friend's are waiting to buy your book!"

"I'm working hard on it, really I am," I said, quite peevishly. It's not like I procrastinate by surfing the internet for obscure historical tidbits about issues completely unrelated to my book. No, I didn't just waste 2 hours today looking up who invented chewing gum even though it is highly unlikely, even in my fantasy world, that my characters would actually chew gum.

"Well work faster! They're gonna tell all their churches about your book. Do you know how many Korean churches there are in this country? Over 4,000! Do you know how many Korean Americans? Over 1.5 million!!! And they all will buy your book, not like those other Korean books that complain about how they hate their parents, hate being Korean, hate kim chee, ,etc etc."

(I love the way my Dad says etc. "Etacetehrah, etaceterah!")

"They don't want to buy complaining books about how it is so hard to grow up Korean American and garbage like that. They sick of it! But your book they want to buy! Ancient Korea! Myths and legends! Big Hit!" This speech took like 10 minutes because he tends to have lots of meaningful pauses as he talks.

"Ummm, Dad, you've never even read my book..."

"So what? I know it's good because I helped you!"

This is true, my Dad did an amazing amount of research for me. He even translated several Korean books for me because I am Korean illiterate.

"And do you know that there is a Korean Association in every state?" he asked.

"Don't worry Dad, I'm going to hire you to promote my book!"

"If it ever gets published," he said.

Grrrrrrr.

"How about you publish it in Korea? They would love it!" he continued.

"I am illiterate in Korean, remember?"

"It's ok, I'll translate it for you... but I'll have to charge you..."

"Sure, but how will I know that you didn't try and change my words around or something?"

"Then you would see my name instead of yours on the cover."

Oh yeah.

"And don't worry, I will only charge you 50% of gross!"

Sheesh. He drives a hard bargain.

So happy!!!!!!!!!!

How do I adore thee, Moonrat? Let me count the ways...

1. You always give out wise publishing advice.
2. You are always there to cheer me up and onward no matter how down I get.
3. You always make me laugh.
4. You always make me think.
5. You love to eat good food.
6. We get to eat good food... and lots of it.
7. You let Youngest use you as a horse, race car and jungle gym and pretended to enjoy it.
8. You let Angus tell you disgusting stories and laughed.
9. You talked to Oldest like a grown up and made her happy.
10. You got me the Catching Fire ARC!!!
11. You got me the Catching Fire ARC!!!
12. You got me the Catching Fire ARC!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is so good!!! It is so awesome!!!! I had to beat Da Man off of my ARC and then made the same mistake I made with the first one. As I crawled into bed at 1AM, I told myself I would just take a quick peek at the first chapter. Didn't go to sleep until almost 5 AM. Tired but extremely happy!

Funny thing my kids said - Youngest who is completely enamored with Moonie asked if we could keep her. Oldest said "No, but Moonie can keep Youngest instead."

Moonie, my friend, you are the best! And next time we are in town, we will gorge ourselves silly once again!

Ok - Must go beat Da Man again as I want to read Catching Fire a few more times!!!

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 31

Angus - how do you say "bow" in Korean?

me - I don't know.

Angus - it says leebun. You didn't know that?

Me - What?

Angus - yeah, leebun.

Me looking at the picture of a present with a bow on top - Oh you mean ribbon!

Angus - Yeah the Korean word is leebun.

Me laughing - that's not a Korean word, that's the English word spoken with a Korean accent!

Angus - But it is in my homework! See!

She's right, the korean letters phonetically say leebun.

Angus - And look they have a tv here too! It's Tellavee! Oh I get it! They're cheating!

This is why she thinks speaking broken English with a Korean accent is speaking Korean!!

Hey it is time to do some new linky love!!! I want to update my blogroll with all the new and wonderful people I have met and who have been so awesome to come by and leave comments or just read my blog. I love you all! And I would like to share the love, but I need you guys to tell me it's ok to link to you. So can you drop me a comment and let me know if you would like to get linked up? Muchos gracias!