Thursday, January 3, 2008


Hungry again. Always hungry.

I'm trying to be so good. 300 calorie Lean cuisine frozen entree for lunch and baked chicken with a little corn and a little pasta for dinner. And yet I am still so hungry. There are doritos, chips, cupcakes and all sorts of munchable badness in the pantry. I must resist.

My small muffin top has grown into the oversized blueberry muffin top that I crave at the bakery but which is nowhere near as appealing bulging over my jeans. It hasn't helped that I haven't been able to do any sort of exercising in the past three weeks between illness and sheer exhaustion. I am a slug.

Part of me wonders why I shouldn't indulge in the chocolate cupcakes sitting so patiently in my pantry. Why not have a small bag of doritos? What's the harm? But that's pretty much what I have said every single day of December. One more day of munching won't kill me. One more day of eating whatever I want can't be so bad. But all of those days have added up to the bulging muffing top that adorns my jeans. Aack! Why can't I be one of those people who eat to live instead of living to eat? I can't because I just adore food too much. A life without delicious food is a life not worth living. Aw, screw it, where the hell is that chocolate cupcake?


Anonymous said...

Happy New Year. :-)

Anonymous said...

Oh I know exactly how you feel!

Anonymous said...

I hear you loud and clear...and this is the constant source of my ramblings on any number of journal entries within my type 1 diabetes world. Just one more day...and then I will be good. This time of year is always tough too...with all the delectable goodies that you have to eat out of sheer respect for the givers of gifts and hosts.

Oh if only I would just reach for a pen instead of a cookie...

Anonymous said...


Pastas and startches seem to increase my carb cravings, big time.

For 2008, I'm adjusting the way I eat.

The Zone Diet (definitely not a high protein diet as rumored) features lots of food.

The plan is geared to balance out blood sugar; therefore I can actually focus and think, and in the process am losing weight.

I am writing more than I have in a LOOONNNNG time.

I don't stay hungry and don't crave carbs.

Chocolate still calls my name, and I'm still dipping into the M&Ms occasionally, but if I focus on eating properly the next meal, the weight still comes off (and I have more energy too!)

Just a thought. It's working for me.


Anonymous said...

Hi ello:
I have Crohn's disease. So I eat to live, not vice versa. I went through nine months of my second pregnancy hooked up to TPN for food--not a morsel went in my mouth . . . all the nutrition went right into my veins. It was weird--because you have to emotionally disconnect from food when you cannot have any, otherwise, you'd go crazy. So now . . . I guess I just don't crave or long for anything ever. Other than my lone indulgence of Canada Dry gingerale once in a while. You know it's the psychological game more than anything else . . . so it's a matter (maybe, I don't know) of psyching yourself out. Of learning that disconnect between stress eating or indulging, and connecting instead to healthy eating. Or finding a substitute, like fresh berries or something that comes close to filling that craving.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...


anyone who believes otherwise does not live but merely exists. for them i feel nothing but pity.

Anonymous said...


I think you need to keep in mind that your overall goal should be to get "healthier" rather than just "lose weight."

In becoming healthier, losing weight can certainly be considered a goal, but it is really a subset of the overall goal of becoming healthier. So try not to think solely in terms of can I fit into these jeans but more in terms of "If I had to carry one of my kids in an emergency, how far could I carry her a month ago compared to right now?" (nod to Johnny Depp).

Like you always say "everything in moderation" so treat yourself to some decandence every now and then but just be sure to balance it out with healthy eating and execise habits the rest of the time.

Da' Man

Anonymous said...

Yeah...that's pretty much how my diet-related resolutions go. And my muffin top.

Anonymous said...

I could have written that blog entry, Ell! I was a very bad girl over the holidays and didn't care too much what I ate. I've been off my "healthy living" plan ever since my husband's hospitalization over the summer. I effectively got derailed with that and gained back 10 pounds that I'd previously lost.

I've now rededicated myself to my plan and have exercised two days in a row and tried really hard not to snack the last two days. I'm hoping I can stick with it this time!

But oh, how I LOVE food...

Anonymous said...

If you'd just give me a bowl of raspberries, that would be heaven! ;)

Anonymous said...

Lean Cuisine is an appetizer, not a meal. I'm convinced of this. Good luck with the diet.

Anonymous said...

Looks guiltily down at the mass of food on his place, leftovers from a five star Chinese restruant. Then shrugs and resumes eating.

Anonymous said...

just to throw this out there: when i was diagnosed with melanoma (all is well now)i wanted, nay insisted upon, chocolate cake. i still find it interesting that cake was the first thing to come to mind...

Anonymous said...

Make a recording and connect it to your pantry door so every time you open it to go for those decadent, muffin expanding treats all you hear is, "Step away from pantry Fat Girl!"

Then send me a copy.

Anonymous said...

I think Da Man is a wise man.

Anonymous said...

Hello everyone - welcome to E's dieting misery page! Very nice of you all to commiserate with me!

Hi ABhinav - happy new year to you too!

LIsa and Joy - I need to duct tape my mouth closed for a few days!

And yes if I could reach for anything else instead of the fattening stuff I want, I'd be so thin.

Kathy - I just may have to check out the Zone diet - thank you Kathy! Anything that gets you writing more is a good thing!

Erica - so sorry about the Crohn's disease! I can't even imagine what you've been through! Unfortunately that emotional and psychological connection with food is probably the hardest thing for me to disconnect! I just need to be more moderate and exercise more!

Moonrat - that is my mantra

Yeah yeah, Da Man is nagging me about exercise again... ;o)

Precie - see how my hubby is nagging me again? This is why I cheat at scrabble...

Melissa - it's the loving food that gets us in trouble.

Larramie - I'd top that bowl off with a big helping of whipped cream! And follow it up with some chocolate cake... Oh chocolate goodness!

And Stacy, Lean cusine is not even real food! :o)

Charles - but it's Chinese, that processes through real fast! Not as bad as a decadent piece of chocolate cake! That goes straight to the butt.

Patti - I remember your post on melanoma. Glad it's gone. And cake is such a comfort food, isn't it.

AW - there is a reason my avatar is a pig!

Anonymous said...

I'm stuffing my face with goldfish crackers right now. Somehow, if it's a kid snack, it doesn't count.

I try not to buy the crap from the grocery store anymore. If it's in the house, it will be in my mouth before the day is through.

Good luck, Ello! Stay strong. ;)

Anonymous said...

I'd been keeping it healthy for a few years, but lately I've been falling back on the ready meal/take out cycle of blubber. Damn convenience for being so tasty. :(

The contents of my fridge could haren your arteries just looking at them...

Anonymous said...

I hear you ello...after finishing off a mutilated box of triscuits!!!! I have been more than "bad" this last few weeks...but hey, it won't last forever (the food, the mood..whatever)..and it's frigidly friggin cold here right now and food is fuel...can I help it if I overstocked on sugar?!??!

Anonymous said...

Live like it's your happiness (which is the case, after all.) This explains why some friends refer to me as the Goddess of Hedonism, Indulgence, Vice...insert enjoyment adjective here. I'd rather experience things than look good, personally. A flat tummy may get one so far, but a full mind gets one much farther (& happier, too.)
Best to you & yours in '08! Now go have that cupcake!

Anonymous said...

Lean Cuisine is called lean because it's lean pickings. There just isn't enough of it! You need something that will fill you up a little more and make you feel that you have actually had a meal. If you want hot, how about a big pile of steamed veggies, maybe mixed with a little soy sauce? Veggie soup? Salad is always good and a big pile doesn't contain many calories. Rice cakes with lean ham? Wholemeal salad sandwich?

I respect anybody who has the ability to diet! I can't imagine it, but I do try and eat healthily for nutritional reasons. I want to be running around the back garden with my kids for a long time!

Anonymous said...

Where's the cupcake, indeed! Sometimes when you just give in it makes things easier later...that having been said, it is hard to know when it's giving in vs. giving up. Sigh.

Well, I am CERTAINLY looking forward to seeing and hearing about where you go on your upcoming NYC trip!

Anonymous said...

Da'Man's Da Man.
It's absolutely NO NO NO use getting leaner if you get sick, either physically or mentally.

Try healthier snacking for example. Try slicing (and eating) a carrot when craving for carbs.

Stay away from refined sugar and fine flour.
Those are INCOMPLETE and make you want more (of the same unhealthy stuff).

those were my two cents.
Keep us informed, will you?

Anonymous said...

I wanna picture of your butt posted, so I can compare it to mine.

Anonymous said...

I sympathize, and I don't really feel virtuous, having over-indulged over the holidays. But I think Erica has a point: when you have to eat to live, you can do it. I have a severely diabetic friend who can bake five or six batches of cookies and content herself with the tiniest nibbles. The rest she gives away or serves to friends at parties.

What I try to do is make my calories really count. I won't eat trashy stuff, and if I bake something, I do my damnedest to give away as much as possible. I also have days where I promise myself one tiny treat and make that do. The way I manage to stick to this is by swearing on something I really love. It works! I lost ten pounds by this method once.

Speaking of giving stuff away, I am STILL hunting for those origami cranes. I will find them, never fear, but it may take a little time! (Blushing for shame...)

Anonymous said...

dude, we're asian. we love our food. this is true for many cultures, gather together, celebrate, laugh and eat GOOD FOOD! yes, i love my food too. i have to exercise 3x a week for an hour so i can eat the way i like.

i can't imagine dieting. =( altho i'd have to if i wanted to lose the extra weight i've gotten from baby making.

i had a lean cuisine with a salad once for dinner and had to have another dinner three hours later. haha! so much for that.

Anonymous said...

I love the term muffin top. It's so endearing. I don't have a problem with sweets - the fries and chips and hamburgers and bacon and cheese and nice soft bread get me every time.

Anonymous said...

Sympathies, hon. :/ I've been focusing more on exercise than diet, and while my weight hasn't changed much (although I think that's more the bazillion cookies my mom made for Christmas, and the three kinds of fudge and the almond roca, most of which she convinced my husband to take home with us) I have improved fitness. I walk more on a regular basis than I used to, and that's a matter of being physically able to rather than just feeling like doing more.

I weighed less when we lived in our old apartment; the back end of the complex was right across the street from a 24-hour grocery store, and I walked over several times a week and picked up fresh fruit and vegetables, as well as ingredients for from-scratch meals. Neither my husband nor I drive, and there are no grocery stores nearby. I can't even walk much at any one time, so we get our groceries delivered. Delivery produce tends to be on the lower end of the quality scale, though, so we've pretty much given up on fresh things, except some potatoes and such. I love our condo, but I really miss being able to go for groceries whenever I wanted, and it's definitely impacted my weight. :(


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