Monday, May 12, 2008

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 10

A close friend of mine who likes to lurk on my blog, has threatened to rat me out so I shall beat her to it and admit defeat myself. Although technically the bet was only for how long I could go without posting about bodily functions. I never actually said I wouldn't TALK about it, cause anyone who knows me knows that is virtually impossible. They don't call me the BurpEllo for nothing you know!

So I was out to dinner with my friend and both of our youngest daughters and I relayed her a funny Youngest story when she casually stated that she had read my blog post and so she would probably have to delurk to tell everyone that I had lost the bet. Damn. And yet relief as I now no longer have to hold back. And special thanks to all my Facebook Friends, the low down bums, who were taunting me all week by sending me Poop and Fart buttons for my flair board.

So here is the story that busted me,although I had only told her part of it at the time:

Youngest comes home and says, "Mom, I know how to do a Fart Roll!"

"A what?" I reply.

"FART ROLL! I learneded it at school from Mr. D!"

I'm smiling and shaking my head. "I don't think it is called a Fart Roll."

"Yes it is, just watch. I tumble and land on my butt with a big bounce."

Oldest, who has been listening, interjects in a highly superior way. "That's a forward roll, silly."

"No it isn't! It's called a Fart Roll! Cause when you land on your butt, sometimes it pusheded out a fart! Watch me!" Youngest does a Fart roll and sure enough a little toot sneaks out. Angus is cracking up and insists on trying this with Youngest. Pretty soon, fart rolls abound with and without accompaniment.

"That's enough!" I shout. "Enough with all the farting!"

A particularly loud and disturbing sound fills the air as suddenly Youngest jumps up and races off to the bathroom shouting, "I gotta go POTTY!!!"

"Me too!!!!" Angus squeals as she too races for the other bathroom upstairs.

"Your children are disgusting!" Oldest says as she stalks away.

So if you are ever constipated, try a fart roll. They are apparently very effective.

And if that story wasn't gassy enough for you, try this fun little video.

How Women get away with Farting


Anonymous said...

The Return of the Queen! (of bathroom humour)

Good ta see you back. :-D

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA! I knew it wouldn't be long, but I never thought you'd crack this soon! I'm glad you did though. And as if the "fart roll" story wasn't good enough, the video killed me.

Anonymous said...

Fart rolls - awesome.

Anonymous said...

I figured you'd crack pretty soon. Still, I was rooting for you. (Or is that 'tooting'?)

Our yoga teacher in Tokyo used to teach us how to do this very thing to relieve constipation. She was a lovely, refined, elegant woman of 50 or so, very tall and fashionable. And we'd all be holding our knees and rocking back and forth and she would say in her beautifully polite Japanese, "Now don't feel embarrassed if you have to fart -- just go ahead and let it out." She made it sound so special.

Anonymous said...

LMAO!!!! It must be a you can just let 'er rip!

I remember doing forward rolls in gym class...Honest to goodness, I don't recall ever doing fart rolls! :)

Anonymous said...

Priceless, Ello! I'm glad you cracked--who wouldn't under such a strain? ;) And this story was definitely worth it.

I think your kids are funnier than mine. It must be in the genes!

Anonymous said...

They Do know how to make fart noises with their armpits too, I hope?

Anonymous said...

Oh Ell thank you! thank you! thank you! I was also called Burp for many years. Burp Hannan that was me (yes my maiden name had a HA in it too!) - my husband says that the day I handed him a can of Pepsi and challenged him to a burping competition was the day he fell in love!
When I started writing I was told to write what you know about - my first short story was about a princess who burps and my first poem was about a boy with a severe gas problem.
I love the fart rolls! Your kids are the funniest.

Anonymous said...

LOL. Too funny. I knew it wouldn't last long. Ello, you are too funny. I'm buying you a microphone and a stage. ;*)

Anonymous said...

Thank fartness we have the old Ello back. That video is kick ass, if you know what I'm saying.

Anonymous said...

Yay, Potty Humor!!!

I'll have to try the fart-roll technique. I swear our kids sound like they're from the same litter.

Anonymous said...

That's right, Ello, we never know who's out here reading! ;)

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha - love the video(and the story, too!).

Anonymous said...

HA! Fart rolls. Do they have the opposite of fart rolls? To keep the kids from farting? That's what I need.

Anonymous said...

haha!! i love this! and i love your kids!!!! one never gets bored, right?

Anonymous said...

Oh. Now I'm thinking maybe it's a good thing our schedules don't overlap this week.

When I started reading this, I thought perhaps Fart Rolls were a new, high-fiber form of California Roll.

Anonymous said...


I just knew you'd cave! But that's ok because I think we all love your potty humor! ;)

Great video!

Anonymous said...

Why you'd make me watch that Youtube?!!! I can never resist your taste in videos!!! AHAHAHAHAH!

Welcome back!

Anonymous said...

aaahhhhh, sweet relief.

and the lady in the video needs a dog.

Anonymous said...

OK, that is hilarious. I think more fart jokes in the world would make us all less uptight! :-)

Anonymous said...

I blame the dog. Say I fed him something really nasty a few hours ago. Works everytime.

Anonymous said...

Oh, my! Cheeks hurting from laughter (no - not the cheeks that I land on while doing a fart roll).

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