Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Random Funny Things My Mom Says - Part 6

So my folks came down to visit and have an early celebration for Oldest and me as our birthdays are a week apart. My Mom, who tends to lack any kind of discretion and is about as subtle as a gorilla in a china factory, has switched tactics and has been trying to be subtle about the fact that she perceives me to be overweight.

She says things like:

"You don't have to go on a diet, you just need to stop eating."

"You're not fat, you just need to move around all the time. Like now. Stop eating and start running, jumping, jogging. Now! Right now! Get up!"

So she and my dad came down to visit, but stayed at my sister's house in Virginia because our house is undergoing "insurance covered snow storm damage repairs." Yes the snow from over 3 months ago. Don't even get me started on that.

Anyway, we go over to have dinner and my Mom gives me an early birthday present. First she hands me a large pink envelope and then a large manila envelope folded over. She then asks me not to open the folder until I get home. When I get home, first I open the manila envelope (apparently she'd run out of wrapping paper) and pulled out this little handy dandy book:

I open it and guess what's inside?

Then I open the large very pink envelope and pull out this lovely card:

When I open the card, another surprise:

Anybody else getting the feeling that I'm being bribed to lose weight?

OK guys! Since Ello's day is also Earth Day, I'm going to have a little contest and give out some prizes in celebration for it being mine and the Earth's Days - because we are both very special and share things that are big and round. So stay tuned as I come up with interesting prizes for people to try for later this week!


jjdebenedictis said...

Happy birthday to you and Oldest!

And for the record, as your staunch admirer from the internet sidelines, I think you look FABULOUS.

Lana Gramlich said...

Happy impending birthday. That's also the day Charles & I met in "real" life, a decade ago now...

Bossy Betty said...

Happy Birthday coming up and bless Sister for keeping Mama.

Kelly Polark said...

Very subtle.
You should go use that money (and nice stack of cash by the way) for Krispy Kreme gift cards and see what she says then!
Happy Birthday!!

Jennifer Ambrose said...

This is hilarious and awful at the same time. My favorite, "You're not fat, you just need to move around all the time."

It's slightly better than my Italian relatives' not so subtle comments on weight--which usually involve pushing food on you whether they think you need it or not and then making you feel guilty about eating it. Note: not all Italian Americans want people to be pleasantly plump!


This is such a great story! Very funny. Ah, mothers. It'd be ironic if you took the money and treated yourself to a fancy dinner at a restaurant. I love how positive your mother is, though, and how she phrases things in the most supportive and proactive way possible. Thanks for posting--love how self-revealing you always are, and how you let us into your life! Your blog proves the old adage that something feels very universal when it's very specific.

Rena Jones said...

Wow -- look at all the money! I guess I'd take the fat comments if it came with hundreds. ;)


JaneyV said...

Hey Ell - Happy Birthday for tomorrow! And Best Wishes to Oldest too. I think you're Mom's gift is terrific - on the one hand she's saying "I love you and I want you to look your best and be healthy" and on the other she's saying "I love you and I want you to get yourself something that'll make you happy!"

It's win- win!

laughingwolf said...

giving up the franklins, el? :O lol


happy birthday, tomorrow, and belated to eldest :D

your mama is still funny!

C.R. Evers said...

Happy Birthday! I hope it was great and I hope you ate cake! Enjoy! :0)

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