Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 45

The problem with middle school is that they make them carry way too much stuff to school and back everyday. Oldest's backpack feels like it weighs 20 pounds. She also has to carry her violin to and from school everyday. That means the poor girl suffers from back strain and exhaustion by the time she gets home. So she really doesn't need to bear any additional weight in her bags.

So today, Oldest gets off the bus and stomps over to me fuming mad.

Me - What happened?

Oldest - One of your daughters stuck this into the bottom of my backpack. (She pulls out a 5 pound hand weight and shoves it at me.)

Me - OMG! (starts laughing hysterically.)

Oldest - It's not funny! Stop laughing! You should feel sorry for me!

Me - I do! This is terrible and really really mean. But it's really really funny too.

Oldest - Mom, they clearly have your sense of humor.

Me - Yes, but don't tell them I laughed. (My money at this time is on Angus.)

So Angus comes home and I immediately ask her if she was the guilty one. She admitted it and asked why I was mad. When I told her Oldest had carried it all day, she was horrified.

Angus - But why didn't she take it out?

Me - Her bag was already heavy and she was in a rush. She didn't realize.

Angus - Well then she's an i-

Me (sharply) - Hey!

Angus - Sorry, Mom. I know that was bad and I feel bad about it, but I really want to laugh too. But you're not laughing and so I know I shouldn't. Is it wrong that I think it's funny?

Me - It's funny after the fact but it wasn't funny for her carrying it all day.

Angus - (hangs her head) I'm really sorry. I'll go talk to her. But even though you are very serious, I bet you're going to laugh about it. Too bad I can't.

With a heavy sigh, she turns to go to her sister's room and I listen to her apologize and make up with her sister. She can laugh about it soon enough. But for now, I'm realizing how fast they are all growing up and it makes me sigh too.

Don't forget to enter my contest of funny overheard things. We've had some amazing snort milk through my nose entries so far. Let's get some more!

Also, you can enter Cindy Pon's fabulous Soulless contest for a chance to win a set of awesome steampunk books!

Prizes for the What's the Funniest Thing you've overheard Contest

So I was trying to figure out prizes for my contest and I didn't have to look too far to figure out what I wanted to give out because I have a big pile of brand new, never read, books that I'm offering up for best prize! The winner will get to pick 4 books from the following offerings:








And why do I have a bunch of brand new, never read books of this marvelous caliber? Simple, I won a signed copy of A Conspiracy of Kings which is not up for grabs, no, no, no. That's mine. So I'm offering up the copy I had bought previous to winning the awesome signed copy which, I repeat, is not up for grabs. I bought the new version of Magic under glass to support books with persons of color on them. The copy I make available is the original one, which some might say may become valuable in its own right. Hmmmm. But here it is! And I was fortunate enough to get a brand new kindle from my lovely sister and brother-in-law. I love my kindle. I went a little crazy with my kindle and bought a bunch of titles without checking to see if I might already have owned such titles already. Hey, don't laugh! At least I have an excuse in saying that it is a different version - an e-book version. Unfortunately, I also have a tendency to go to the bookstore and accidentally buy books I already have also. Ahem. Yes, I'm absent-minded. But that is good for you guys!

So I have a bunch of entries already and I'll extend out the contest til next Monday. Leave your funniest thing overheard in the post below. After Monday, I'll narrow it down to a list of my favorites and have people vote on the winner.

The winner will get to choose 4 out of 5 because 4 is easier to ship than 5. Everyone can enter, but be warned, if you are outside of the US and you win, it may take awhile to get to you!

And just because you have these books already is no reason not to enter. I will gladly donate the books to a school or organization or even send it as a present to someone on your behalf! This prize is completely transferable, with my approval.

So good luck everyone and start eavesdropping!

Whats the funniest thing you've overheard - contest

I was at Barnes and Noble browsing when I overheard the following conversation between two old ladies.

First old lady - These young people are so rude these days!

Second old lady - Tell me about it

First old lady - I mean people don't even respect church anymore. During last mass, this young man sitting next to me left his phone on the pew and it started ringing and vibrating. I mean the thing is vibrating so much it damn near falls off the bench! And this man takes his sweet little old time before he finally turns it off. And right during the homily of all things!

Second old lady - (tut tuts and shakes her head disapprovingly) Disgraceful! Simply disgraceful!

First old lady - So I say to him. I'd tell you to shove that thing where the sun don't shine but I do believe you'd enjoy it too much!

Both ladies start cackling and so do I. I just love eavesdropping.

So what's the funniest thing you've overheard? Share it here and I'll enter you in to win a prize. I don't know what the prize is and I don't know how the funniest thing will be chosen just yet, but I'm in the mood for a contest.

Let the hilarity begin!

Back to School

Oldest is now in middle school. Da Man and I went to Back to School night and was blown away by the stress of shuffling through a huge building with only 4 minutes between classes to get from one room to another in a crazy attempt to follow Oldest's typical day schedule. Wow! Poor kid has classes all over the building. I was huffing and puffing trying to get through the crowds of parents, trying not to get lost, in order to get to the class in time and listen to what was no more than a 7 minute teacher presentation. Several times I left Da Man way behind and he would shuffle into class late. This is where the difference between a New Yorker and a Marylander is strongest. I walk fast. Da Man meanders. Drives me crazy.

So I was in math class, sitting in a small desk chair and feeling like I was back in middle school when Da Man saunters in late and sits in the next row over. As I tried to take notes of what was expected with regards to homework, tests, etc. I hear a "Pssssst" and Da Man passes me the following note:



I did the same thing that I would have done in middle school. I stuck my tongue out at him.

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 44

Sometimes when I drive, the Brooklyn in me just comes out. Like the other day. I've got the green light and I'm making a right turn. I have right of way. But the idiot girl coming from the other direction making a left turn seems to disagree. I drive a big ass minivan. She drives a small hatchback. When I make a right turn, I have to go into the middle lane, I'm just too big to fit nicely into the right lane. If you are going to make a left turn while someone is making a right turn, then the rules of the road dictate that you hug the left lane because you technically don't have right of way. She did not. She swung all the way over to the right lane (3 lanes over!!!) and came within a hairs breath of smashing into me.

I lost it and the Brooklyn in me came out. Unfortunately all 3 girls were in the car at the time. Oldest, who sits in the 3rd row, quickly leans forward and covers Youngest's ears while Angus starts laughing hysterically.

Angus - Mommy, you said the F word, the B word, the S word and some words I never heard before!

Oldest - Daddy's going to be so mad at you.

Youngest - No fair! I didn't hear nothing!

Angus - You're too little. Mommy's mouth is now rated R for restricted.

Youngest - What does that mean?

Angus - It means if little kids hear her bad words Mommy will get arrested!

Youngest gasps loudly - Mommy's going to be arrested?

Angus - Only if we tell on her. (Rubs her hands gleefully.) Now she'll have to be nice to us.

Youngest - Yeah, we don't have to clean our rooms no more!

Oldest - You dopes. It doesn't mean she's going to be arrested. It just means little kids can't see an R movie without an adult.

Angus (whispering to Youngest) - She always spoils our fun.

Youngest - We should call her one of those words Mommy used.

Me - DON'T YOU DARE!!!