Monday, September 20, 2010

Whats the funniest thing you've overheard - contest

I was at Barnes and Noble browsing when I overheard the following conversation between two old ladies.

First old lady - These young people are so rude these days!

Second old lady - Tell me about it

First old lady - I mean people don't even respect church anymore. During last mass, this young man sitting next to me left his phone on the pew and it started ringing and vibrating. I mean the thing is vibrating so much it damn near falls off the bench! And this man takes his sweet little old time before he finally turns it off. And right during the homily of all things!

Second old lady - (tut tuts and shakes her head disapprovingly) Disgraceful! Simply disgraceful!

First old lady - So I say to him. I'd tell you to shove that thing where the sun don't shine but I do believe you'd enjoy it too much!

Both ladies start cackling and so do I. I just love eavesdropping.

So what's the funniest thing you've overheard? Share it here and I'll enter you in to win a prize. I don't know what the prize is and I don't know how the funniest thing will be chosen just yet, but I'm in the mood for a contest.

Let the hilarity begin!


Anna Staniszewski said...

Ha! That's great!

Let's see...something I overheard once that really stuck with me is both funny and a little sad. I was on the subway once and a group of 13-ish year old boys walked by. One of them said to the others: "One time I got my dad drunk and got my allowance three times."

Writer Tessa said...

Tee hee, Ellen! And Anna, I agree that what you overheard is both funny and sad.

Here's my eavesdropping story:
I once saw a little girl (maybe 3 or 4 years old) with her mom and grandma at WalMart. The little girl blurted out to Grandma "Mommy and Daddy sleep with no clothes on." For a few moments, the mom looked mortified and grandma looked horrified. Then they continued shopping as if the little girl had said nothing at all. Meanwhile, I'm there trying my hardest not to laugh out loud :)

AvDB said...

An old lady, speaking to another about her sagging chest:

"I don't have the boobs anymore, just the bags they came in."

Jennifer Ambrose said...

All of those are hilarious! I've got something I've been saving for ages, which I hastily scribbled in my notebook at the time.

It's from a conversation between an old woman and a middle aged man, who might have been her son-in-law. They were at a restaurant and the woman couldn't decide what to order.

Old Lady: Oh, I haven't had that for a while.

Son: Charlotte. You had it at the house this afternoon.

Old Lady(meakly): Meatloaf?

Son: Charlotte, you will eat meatloaf until it's coming out your ears. You are NOT getting the meatloaf.

It just went on from there. Again, both funny and sad.

Charles Gramlich said...

Hum, I don't think I can match any of these. I will just enjoy everyone else's story and decliine to enter my own.

March2theSea said...

Not so much funny that I can think of but one of those "right there with ya" moments.

Last October we went to Disney and they had a record heat wave (lowest daytime temp was 93 or something) so we are trooping through Epcot on the 2nd or 3rd day and there is a dad w/2 kids sitting in the shade..and the mom standing..yelling (well talking loud enough) "THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE VACATION AND YOU ARE ALL COMPLAINING!. It was just one of those "hey at least its not just me" cuz we had a smiliar conversation the theme park prior...

writtenwyrdd said...

The neighbor boy, who is about four now, came out last spring while Madre was walking the Pug in the yard.

"Is your dog a boy?" he asks my mother.

"Yes," she answers.

"Where's his peepee?"

"Underneath him."

The kid put his hands on his kneees and bent practically upside down to look, horrifying his mother. My mother had to reassure her that it was quite all right, she had a rather precocious set of kids herself. (Besides, she's impossible to embarrass with questions like that.)

Jaye Robin Brown said...

Overheard in art class.

Boy 1: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Boy 2: An astronaut.

Boy 1: Awww, I'll NEVER see you.

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

HA HA! These entries are awesome. I love oeverheard stuff!

Amanda C. Davis said...

JUST YESTERDAY, from six-foot-one rifle-enthusiast silver fox: "I'm going to lose weight if I have to start doing heroin again."

Whirlochre said...

It's 1982 and I'm in a queue for a dance workshop with Steve Paxton.

Ahead of me, one of two spectacularly self-absorbed guys proclaims, "I've got a negative headspace situation at the forefront of my consciousness".

I missed the reply, I missed the whole of the following week. Sometimes, you gotta snort.

Nandini said...

Overheard while helping get kids dressed for the kindergarten Halloween parade:

Little redhead girl dressed as a cowgirl: My mom says it's wrong to let kids wear weapons for Halloween. All these swords and blasters and guns. They shouldn't be allowed.

Quiet little boy dressed as a ninja: U-huh.

Redhead: And I'm not a princess either. That's too girly. And witches are too creepy. I'm a cowgirl. That's perfect.

Ninja: Cowgirls have guns.

Redhead: WHAT?

Ninja: Cowgirls have guns.

Redhead: I'm a cowgirl and I don't have a gun.

Ninja: Then you're not a cowgirl.

Redhead looks fit to explode and I'm trying hard not to fall on the floor laughing. Ninja boy was Asian BTW. Love him!

Sandra Cormier said...

Four beefy construction workers sat at the table behind us in the local pub.


"Lady Gaga's a chick, not a dude. She doesn't have a penis."

Steph said...

I was sitting on a plane, waiting for everyone else to board. A mother and her young toddler boy made their way down the aisle. As they passed my row, her son started to stare at the bigger-boned lady sitting opposite me.

Son: Mommy, how do you get fat?

Mother: It's in your genes.

Son: (taps on bigger-boned lady's shoulder and then points to her pants) My mom says you're fat because of your jeans.

Mary Witzl said...

My girls were in the bathtub together when they were really little and they started squabbling. They called each other all sorts of awful names, and when my youngest daughter ran out of terrible things, she flailed around -- "You, you, you--" and finally decided on: "boy!" Which made her sister burst into tears and scream for me. That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

Once at a funeral, I heard two ladies avidly discussing whether it was going to be open or closed casket. When one found out it was going to be closed, she got annoyed and said she wished she hadn't come. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Okay, I know I am late and I just came to vote. But why waste such an opportunity, right? So we went to watch Star Wars Episode 1. And after the movie got over there was a family walking in front of us. The 5 or so yr old boy said to his mom: "Mom, when I grow up, I also want to be like Anakin Skywalker" Mom: "Sure you will son" Dad: "Yeah, right. Train our son to join your evil empire"

playbazaar said...

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