Violet Raines Almost Got Struck By Lightning

Hi! My Mom is Ello and she asked me to do a blog post on my favorite book because she is very busy. I am 9 years old and I am in fourth grade. I love reading. It is one of my favorite hobbies. I try to encourage people to read more books instead of playing on electronics, which I learned from my Mom. I hope that there will be many more authors in the world who will write good books that I can read. Including my Mom.My Mom is always encouraging me to read and loves to buy me lots of books. She was excited to buy Violet Raines Almost Got Struck By Lightning because she says she was blogging friends with the author. She wanted to read it first but I beat her to it. I wanted to be the first to read it, but it took a little longer because I had to finish the Golden Compass first. My Mom has a rule that you must finish one book before you can start a new one. My sister, Skye, does not like this rule. She is always trying to read many books at the same time.

Anyway, I loved this book. Let me tell you about it.

Violet Raines is a regular 11 year old girl with a best friend named Lottie. They are fine until a new girl Melissa, starts hanging around with Lottie a bit too much. This is no fun for Violet. But it gets worse. Lottie’s house gets struck by lightning so she and her sisters stay with Melissa and then weird stuff happens because Lottie starts watching lots of TV and starts talking about boys. Will Violet change Lottie back and be friends with Melissa or will she have an enemy forever?I loved this book. It was very funny and I was smiling whenever I read it. I really liked the part when Melissa dared Violet to kiss Eddie. Violet pushed Eddie down onto the bench after she kissed him. He was so shocked he ran away. She chased him but he was too fast and she couldn’t catch him. The next day she tries to apologize but he runs away again. This was really funny! I can’t believe a girl would kiss a boy like that! I would never kiss a boy just because someone dared me to so I thought this was so funny. I also liked the part when Violet, Lottie, Eddie and Melissa saw a crocodile and everyone ran away except Eddie, he just stood there and watched the crocodile with amazement. It was so funny that everyone was screaming and running away.

My favorite part of the book was Violet. I liked Violet a lot. I would want to be friends with someone like her because she’s funny and a very responsible friend. She is loyal and brave. She is a good friend.

My mother always encouraged me to read more and always would buy me books. Her encouraging me has made me really love books and reading and I am so glad I read this book. It is my favorite and I am Ms. Danette Haworth’s biggest fan. I wrote an author letter at my school and I signed my letter – Sincerely, Your Biggest Fan! I hope Ms. Haworth gets my letter. I hope she will write more books about Violet. I want to read more books like this one. I hope that other authors (like my mom) will write great books like Ms. Haworth.

I really want to read more funny books about Violet. I really wonder what Ms. Haworth’s next book will be about. I really hope it is like this one.

(Note from Ello - Oldest read the first 2 paragraphs of my novel, said "I don't get it!" and walked away. Sigh. At least she loved Danette's book!)

I miss all of you...

I really do! And I'm sorry I'm not here with funny stories and outrageous situations but I am a revising fiend right now and I just need to focus! Awesome Agent Bill wants me submission ready asap. Which means I've just gone off the deep end!

But I miss all of you! I miss reading everyone's blogs. I miss everyone's comments. So please don't forget me! I will be back hopefully by next week, when I have another excerpt of my story and hopefully I will get to show you a beautifully illustrated map of my Seven Kingdoms fantasy world that the most talented illustrator in the world created for me. It is absolutely amazing... so come back next week, ok?

Peace,

E

PS - had to leave you with a funny to watch for the week...

For Moonie and friend

I am putting up this post in support of my dear friend Moonrat. Please take a moment and consider buying a raffle for this important cause and in the process you may win a wonderful prize. I have had the pleasure of seeing firsthand Moonrat's excellent editing skills. It would cost you over $600 to hire a professional editor and you may or may not get the quality editing that Moonie provides so if you have a manuscript or a query letter, please buy a raffle. The chance of winning is well worth the small donation you will make for an important cause.

The following information is from The Mischief Fights Cancer Raffle Site

From Moonrat:

Dear Beloved Blogging Fellows,

Recently, a friend of mine was diagnosed with Stage IV lymphoma. She is only 28 and is fighting back hard, but her valor is frustrated by the fact that she has no insurance. Medicaid will be kicking in for her in about a month, but in the meantime there are some hurdles that nothing will help her get over but money.

Of course, there are lots of benefits and pots for me to throw money in. Alas... I work in publishing and have no money. I was bemoaning this to my darling Ello, and she thought of this fantastic idea: I should raffle off my editorial services. So that's what we're going to try here.

Raffle!!

Prizes available:

-One winner: A full manuscript evaluation (up to 120,000 words)*
-One winner: A partial manuscript evaluation (up to 50 page)*
-One winner: A query letter and revised query letter critique*
-Five winners: A choice from select titles in Moonrat's library, which will be mailed with a love letter from Moonrat, who enjoys writing love letters
I've started this new, temporary blog to host a raffle for my friend. You can buy tickets, check the donation log, and see how much progress has been made on each of the raffled lots here.

*please note: these are critiques with an eye toward editorial suggestions, and will in no way be considered submissions to me or my company

General Guidelines (and my very best attempts to make the whole process honest and transparent)

-The raffle will run between now, Tuesday, September 30th, and 8 pm on Tuesday, October 7th, when lots will be drawn.

-Winners will be announced (or their anonymous IDs, if they prefer) on Editorial Ass no later than 11:59 pm on Tuesday, October 7th.

-Prizes have no expiration date--you can ask for your prize redemption anytime between now and, well, I guess 2020.

-Turnaround time for prize redemption is 2 weeks (i.e. if you send me your manuscript on the 1st of November, I'll need until the 15th to get you my comments).

-All prizes are transferable. If you do not have a query letter that needs critiquing but you have a friend who does, you can gift your winning prize on your friend.

-On top of the instant confirmation email from PayPal, you will receive a confirmation email from me by midnight on the calendar day on which you purchased your raffle ticket. My email to you will include your lot number(s).

-On my end, lot numbers will be written on highly scientific bits of paper, which will be dropped into one of four of the rally monkey's highly scientific baseball hats. Lots will be drawn from each hat at 8 pm on Tuesday, October 7.

-You will have the option to purchase raffle tickets under your real name or an anonymous ID. You may specify a code name or number upon receiving my confirmation email.

-I've opened a PayPal account, which will allow you and me both to maintain our identities. PayPal is free for you and only charges me $.30 and 3% off each transaction.

-All raffle ticket purchasers will be fully and publicly disclosed for accountability purposes. At midnight each day the raffle is active, the names (or anonymous IDs, if you choose not to have your name listed) of all the people who purchased raffle tickets for a particular lot will be listed in separate recorded posts. When you buy a raffle ticket, please check the name roster the next day to make sure your name is up. If it's not, email me ASAP at moonratty@gmail.com and we'll straighten it out.

-Again, for accountability, I have opened up a separate bank account that will receive nothing but PayPal payments for this one raffle. A record of the balance will be available for anyone who requests it. The entire account will be emptied at the end of the raffle, and our proud balance will be prominently displayed on Ed Ass.

Random funny things my kids say - Part 14

The kids have found my blog! And they have been reading the random funny stuff and I am going to have to clean up the rest pronto. But the girls are loving reading the old stories and funny things that they have done in the past. When I see how much of a kick they are getting over reading these stories and ragging on each other for their past actions, I'm glad I have done this. Now they are really hamming it up and even demanding I write about some of their past exploits. But I won't tell the funny stories they want me to tell. No, I'll tell the ones that I think are funny. Like this past Sunday.

We were at church and I reminded the older two that they needed to pay attention to the sermon. The Youngest is pretty good at church as long as she has paper and pen to draw on. The older two tend to have a hard time sitting still in church most times but they did pretty well this time and I applauded their effort and asked them about the sermon.

"So do you remember what the sermon was about today?" I asked.

"Uh, uh..." Oldest looked completely blank.

"It was about two sons!" Angus piped up all excited and happy.

"Good and what about the two sons?" I asked.

"Uh, uh..." Oldest is still lost.

"They was supposed to work in the fields," Angus said.

"Good, and then what happened," I asked.

Complete quiet as we walked in the parking lot to the car.

"Come on, who was listening, the father asked his sons to go work in the field and what happened?"

No answer from anyone, we are almost at the car.

"One son said No but repented and went to work while the other said Yes but never went to work," I continued. "And then what happened."

"God punished them!" Angus said.

"No, that is not the point of the sermon," I said. "What is the point? Anyone?"

They are still quiet and so I try to remind them of the finer points of the sermon as we get into the car.

"So if the youngest son said Yes father, but then never followed through, then he didn't do the will of his father even though he said he would. So what is the moral of the story?" I asked one last time.

"Shut up and just do it!" Youngest shouted. The other two shrieked in laughter and I am just staring at the little one as if she had sprouted two heads. She smiled and then said. "That's what the priest should have said! Then everyone woud have known what he was talking about."

Another meme...

The lovely Kim Kasch has tagged me with the following meme:

1. What are your nicknames?

Ello, E, Ell, Boss.

2. What game show and/or reality show would you like to be on?

None. I only like to watch the pain and suffering of my fellow man, I don't actually want to participate in it!

3. What was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD?

On VHS - The Princess Bride. On DVD - Gladiator.

4. What is your favorite scent?

Clean.

5. If you had a million dollars that you could only spend on yourself, what would you do with it?

That's for me to know and Da Man to never never find out!!

6. What one place have you visited that you can't forget and want to go back to?

Spain

7. Do you trust easily?

I'm from New York. Does that answer this question?

8. Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think?

I'm a thinker not an actor.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?

Da Man has yet to bring up the desk for the girls to do their homework on. It is now going on over a year and I am at the end of my patience. I'm thinking of fraying all of his fishing line at strategic spots.

10. Do you have a good body image?

Only when I look at my feet.

11. What is your favorite fruit?

Mangoes and cherries - even though I'm terribly allergic to cherries I love them to death and eat them through my swollen lips and tongue.

12. What websites do you visit daily?

Lately I'm not on anything daily, which is good because I'm busy. It's been crazy busy for me and I am missing out on all my favorite spots!

13. What have you been seriously addicted to lately?

Chocolate covered macadamia nuts. Oh they are so good!

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

Awesome lady with a beautiful soul - you can see it in her posts and in her smile.

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?

Gimme Shelter - Rolling Stones, cause it's my ringtone!

16. What's your favorite item of clothing?

My jeans.

17. Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy?

Actually, no. I'm not a marshmallow fan and there's no chocolate!

18. What would you do if you saw $100 lying on the ground?

If no one was standing anywhere near it, I'd grab it and do a little Woo Hoo I found money happy dance. If someone was standing right near me, I'd ask them if they dropped any money and see if they can tell me which president is on it. If they say the wrong president, even if it is their money, I get to keep it cause they're an idiot.

19. What items could you not go without during the day?

My laptop.

20. What should you be doing right now?

Revising. Alright, alright! I'm going!

No tags! But do share...

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 13

"Mommy? The weather is good this week don't you think?" Youngest asks.

"Uh huh," I reply.

"Let's go to Hopeless Beach!" she shouts.

"Hopeless beach? What the heck is that!" Angus shouts out.

"HOPELESS Beach! You know the one with the rides and the big lollipops..." Youngest says.

"Oh you mean Rehobeth Beach!" Oldest cuts in. "It's Rehobeth, say Rehobeth."

"Re - hopeless beach," Youngest says, trying very seriously.

"Ruuuuh Hohhhhh Bethhhhhh, Ruuuuuh Hohhhh Bethhhhh." Oldest is sounding it out for her.

"Ruuuuh Hole Besssssssssss," Youngest says.

"No - Rehobeth!"

"Rehopeless"

"Rehobeth!"

"Reholeless!"

"Gah!! Forget it! It's hopeless!" Oldest shouts.

Youngest is absolutely indignant. "But that's what I've been saying this whole time!!!"

Pretty as a Hanbok!

So you might have noticed a change in the decor around here. If you wondered at the bright stripes framing the blog, it is to mirror the sleeves of a korean hanbok. I've posted an example of one below. This one is from a Korean museum and probably represents a wedding hanbok. The top photo is the front view and the bottom is of the back.

Copyright Momboleum via Creative Commons license via Flickr.com

Here's one of a child's hanbok - worn for the all important first birthday celebration.

Historically, the hanbok dates as far back as 57B.C., as evidenced by wall murals found in the burial sites of ancient kings. Personally I find hanboks incredibly beautiful and much more comfortable than the Japanese kimono. Let's compare:

Copyright Okinawa Soba via Creative Commons license via Flickr.com

See how the kimono wraps very tight and narrow around the woman's boy? I have worn a kimono, there is no way to take a normal step in that narrow skirt. You have to mince forward, taking baby steps, causing you to feel as if you will topple over and fall flat on your face. The obi is tied so tight around the waist to insure that no woman will overeat while the breasts are flattened to shape the incredibly sexy form of a number 2 pencil. Due to the tightness of the kimono, you cannot run. You can perhaps waddle very quickly, but it may cause you to tilt from side to side so drastically that caution is advised when in a hurry. With much practice over many, many years, a fast trot can be achieved. You must retain a perfectly straight-backed and balanced torso even as your feet move in a road runner like blur. And what the heck is up with that samurai hairstyle? Let me clarify that I love the look of the kimono (not the hair though). I think it is an elegant and incredibly beautiful outfit which also doubles as an instrument of torture. However, if flesh eating zombies are after me, I would be ripping that thing off and running in my skivvies.

Now let's compare the Korean hanbok.

Copyright by photoren via Creative Commons license via Flickr.com

You can't help but notice immediately the wide flowing skirts, right? Now here's a skirt you can run in! Here's a skirt you can kick a man in the tenders in! Since I own several hanboks I can assure you that the skirts are flowing, comfortable pieces that make you feel like absolute royalty. And the hair is tied back in a simple bun with some beautiful accessories to compliment it. Now granted, the hanbok does have the chest flattening top. For some reason, Koreans believe that the hanbok looks better if it is draped over a flat chest. So if you happen to be busty, the nice hanbok lady will try to smush you flat with a tight undergarment tied so tight that you may need an oxygen tank. But hey, at least your legs are free!

So why are we talking about hanboks? Well I wanted to share a little excerpt from my book and it just so happens to be a description of a hanbok.

General Kang and Lieutenant Lee walked out together, to where their men waited for instructions. As they left, the anxious Queen stopped them, her long curtain of ebony hair swept down her back nearly to her heels. She wore a light green satin hanbok with red silk trim over a full brown skirt. Lee couldn’t help but notice that her robe had the characters for luck embroidered in gold all over the shoulders and sleeves. He smiled grimly - for luck, it seemed, had abandoned them.

So what is the book about? Well it is what I would call historical fantasy based in ancient Korea during a time where there were many small kingdoms, but no unified country. It is about a young prince faced with the invasion of his home and an old prophecy that calls for a savior he may or may not be. It utilizes East Asian mythology and legends while working off of the historical times of the late 300 AD period. Stay tuned for more to come.

New blog title

You guys are so funny! I was cracking up over some of these suggestions. I really liked Ello's World but it is too close to Elmo's World and I wouldn't want a typing error sending little kids looking for the little red monster and finding an angry piggy instead. You Had Me At Ello was really looking good for a while until Precie pointed out that it looked like You had Meat Ello - which either made me a serious carnivore (which I am) or had an altogether separate reference which I shall scrupulously avoid - after all, I am trying to clean up my act here.

Lots of Beatles references were all shot down by Lana who hates the Beatles (gasp!) and Ello There was countered with Ello Here which cancelled them both out. Ello Me Pretties cracked me up but I think if I titled my blog with that, I'd have to change my piggy into a parrot. Elloicious and Ellos Bellows were very cute and I loved Ellocution - except it was a little too close to Execution. Ello Kitty is great but I may have copyright issues and To Ell-en Back is Too Clever and funny but a little to Ellish!

So after waffling like a weak minded politician for an hour, I have decided to change this blog title to Hello Ello because it is simple (possibly boring) but not at all controversial in any way. However, I was looking into the issue of changing the url on the blog and it seems like it is more trouble than it is worth so the blog url will stay randomactsofunkindness.blogspot.com and the blog title will be Hello Ello, thanks Cindy for pointing this out to me!

In the next couple of days I will post some interesting new stuff about my book and related information that you may or may not find fascinating - and I will explain why the new blog look also. So watch out for some interesting stuff.

And since I used my own title, I shall now go and buy something very expensive and sparkly with Da Man's credit card while he is on his all day man bonding fishing trip extravaganza.

Help an Ello out

Thanks to everyone for all your wonderful comments. I was once again overwhelmed by the amazing support and caring of our wonderful blogging community!

Now I have lots to do! Finish grading papers, revise my manuscript for my Dream Agent (see how I snuck that in? it sounds so good!), set up a website, and all the other life's essentials that pile onto our days. So I will be really busy! But one thing I need to consider is changing the title of my blog. Random Acts of Unkindness was always a sarcastic title that I put up when I first started blogging. But now that I am a serious writer (who snickered?) I need to reconsider my web presence and think about changing the title. Right now the only title that I can come up with is "Hello Ello" or "Ello There" or "You had me at Ello." (Who groaned?) So let's have a little contest here. Feel free to leave me your suggestion for a brand new title for my blog. Something fun but not over the top. Something cute but not too cutesy. Something creative but not too artsy fartsy. Feel free to vote for a blog title if you aren't creative enough yourself. The winning title will receive a nice gift from me. That includes me. I get to buy myself a nice gift if I pick my own title. Hear that Da Man? Be warned. It may be sparkly. (For me only! If someone else wins, no sparklies for you!)


So come on everyone, impress me with some great blog titles!!!

Dancing flowergirls

Pictures deleted due to Trolls.

Here's Angus and Youngest dancing together at a friend's wedding. All three of the girls were flowergirls but Oldest was too shy to dance. Angus and Youngest spent the whole night dancing together, at times they were the only ones on the dance floor! I would have joined them but I wore stupid shoes that are pretty and painful and by this point I was barely hobbling. That's Angus dipping Youngest. As you can see they had a great time.

Youngest is friend's with the ringbearer, an adorable little boy from her school. She announced during the rehearsal dinner that the ringbearer was her boyfriend. However, there was another little girl there, who was not a flowergirl, but was at dinner. Apparently this little girl declared that the ringbearer was her boyfriend, and shoved Youngest away. Youngest came crying over to me. The first lesson I tried to instill in her was to never cry over a boy.

"Yeah cause they are poopoo heads!" Angus chimes in.

"And they stink!" Oldest says.

"Yeah, poopoo heads!" Youngest says gleefully, her tears all dried up. She thinks for a minute and says, "Poor Mommy, she has to sleep with a stinky boy everynight. I know! Mommy you should sleep with us everynight instead and let Daddy sleep by himself!"

"But Daddy's not a stinky boy is he?" I ask.

"Well," Youngest says, "He's not bad. He's just a little stinky. But we still love him."

"Yeah!" Angus shouts. "Even if he is a stinky boy!"

Lord the air smells good..

Feeling blue so I am reposting an old post with my favorite picture and poem.

Copyright by Frances A. Wiley

Lord, the air smells good...
by Rumi

Lord, the air smells good today,
straight from the mysteries
within the inner courts of God.
A grace like new clothes thrown
across the garden, free medicine for everybody.
The trees in their prayer, the birds in praise,
the first blue violets kneeling.
Whatever came from Being is caught up in being, drunkenly
forgetting the way back.

I cannot sew a line

It's kind of a crappy day out here on the East coast. We have a fine constant mist that turns into a light shower and back into fine mist. Maybe it's the atmospheric pressure which is giving me such a headache.

School's in, summer's done, time for fall. The grocery stores have already begun to stock Halloween candy and the kids are deciding on their halloween costumes. This year I will not be able to get away with recycling their old costumes. This year they want new ones and they want me to make them.

What the hell is wrong with these children? Does this blog say Random Arts and Crafts? Do I look like Martha Stewart? See the angry pig shake it's piggy head. I blame this completely and entirely on a friend of ours who I shall call PIMA, short for pain in my ass. She likes arts and crafts stuff. She scrapbooks beautiful photo albums with lovely captions and swirly heart thingies. She makes homemade chocolate lollipops, with color too. She knits sweaters and shawls and can even sew patterns to make dresses. She cooks and bakes and takes her kids to fun places even without them begging to go somewhere because they are bored. Seriously, I hate her. In fact when I see her, cause Oldest is best friends with her oldest, I tell her to her face, "You know I hate you, right." She laughs. I laugh. I picture running her over with my van. I laugh again. Etc.

So apparently, last year she made a fantastic fairy costume for her daughter and this really cool Tide detergent box costume for her son. Both won costume awards at the Halloween party. This year Oldest and Angus have come to me with serious faces and announced that I will be making their Halloween costumes this year, bringing Youngest along to nod emphatically in agreement.

"That's crazy talk. There is no way I am making you costumes!" I say. "I can't even sew a button, or a hole in your clothes."

"You can learn to do it!" Angus says. "You watch that sewing show all the time?" (She means Project Runway.)

"I'm terrible at sewing. You all know this! You've seen me sew. I'm really terrible. I do crooked seams. I stick myself all over. I can't even cut straight. Do you really want the worst Halloween costumes in the school?"

The three of them caucus together.

"She's right, she is a terrible sewer." Oldest says. "She always waits for grandma to come visit and then gives her all our clothes with holes in them to sew.

Angus giggles, "Remember when she had to sew a hole in your rabbit and she got it all bloody from sticking the needle in her finger a 100 times?"

They laugh. "Bloody rabbit!"

"I want to be a vampire!" Youngest chimes in.

"Well then it doesn't matter if her costume gets bloody," Oldest says.

"Yeah and we want to be witches and that's just black," Angus says.

They turn back to me.

"So we decided that you can make a vampire and 2 witch costumes for Halloween and it will be ok if you bleed all over them," Oldest says.

"Yeah cause blood will be cool!!!!" Angus says.

"But you gotta make them otherwise we can't enter in the original costume contest," Oldest continues.

"There is no way I am making 3 costumes!" I shout.

All 3 of them stare at me. "But Sara's Mom makes Sara and her brother costumes every year. And they win every year!" Sara's Mom is PIMA - who I hate.

"Yeah and even Matt's Mom makes him costumes too!"

"And so does Meg and Kate and Sam and ...."

"QUIET!!!!!"

The sudden silence is depressing as the girls stare with disappointed eyes at me.

"Sheesh! So sorry I'm not as good as Sara's Mom, why don't you ask her to make your costumes!" I say peevishly.

"Great idea!" Angus says. "Come on let's go call her." They turn and head for the phone.

"No NO No! Come back here. I was kidding. Don't ask her. Fine. You win. I'll make them!"

"HURRAY!" They all say as they pile over and give me big hugs and kisses. "We just know you'll do a great job and we will win this year!!!!"

As they run off, I bask in the warm glow of their completely misplaced belief in me and I think "WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?!!!!!"

So do you think if I hire a tailor to make their costumes, it still counts as original homemade?

Weirdo

Most of my friends would jump at the chance to tell people how weird I am. Da man and the girls all think I'm bizarre. Not quirky. No. Never quirky. Quirky is that oddball you know who wears long dangling earrings with pretty flowerly peasant skirts and high tops who sings kumbaya and talks in that new agey way that always makes you think they were sniffing alot of glue along with their artsy fartsy crafty projects. No that is not me. I'm the weird mom that likes to tell her kids in a very serious voice that they shouldn't panic because a bug is crawling up their pants leg and then laughs uproariously with the ensuing panic. I'm the weirdo that puts a ripe red cherry in my mouth and pretends to punch myself, then biting down on the cherry and allowing bright red juice to stream out.

So I'm weird. I embrace my weirdness.

Yesterday, I was in the bathroom and noticing the gray roots at the top of my head. Unfortunately, I have been prematurely graying since I was 16. Clairol is my best friend. But I hate to dye my hair too often so I have a neat little trick that I use. I buy myself some waterproof mascara in dark brown (sorry blondies, this trick can't help you) and touch up my roots with mascara. I find this very clever but my husband thinks it is absolutely bizarre. He walks in and watches me using mascara on my hair and just shakes his head.

"You do realize that it is for your eyes, right?" he says.

"Duh!" I reply.

"Well how do you know it is ok to use on your hair?" he asks.

I stop and just stare at him. "Because if it is safe for my eyes, the most sensitive part of my body, then it is more than safe for my hair, duh!"

"Yeah, you think you're so smart," he sneers. "I'm just saying, cause you seem to have a problem with using products in the proper manner. Like taking off your makeup with toilet paper."

"What? It's clean!"

"It's toilet paper! For your butt. You're disgusting!"

"I'm creative. You should be proud of my resourcefulness," I respond. "I am so very resourceful in ways you have no idea."

He stops short and just stares at me.

"Just how resourceful are you?" he asks suspiciously.

"Well, when you had that bad rash on your arm and chest and I gave you some of that funky smelling white creme to stop the itch. You never asked what it was," I say.

He looks alarmed.

"I'll give you a hint, it starts with an H," I say.

"You put butt creme on my arm?" He yells.

"Hey, what does it matter what I used as long as it stopped the itch?" I ask.

"That's just not right!" he says, stomping off.

Nah, I did not use preparation H on his rash, it was just hydrocortisone. But I just love freaking him out.

Happy belated Bloggiversary to me!

Where the hell did the summer go? Seriously, I feel like it was only a week ago I was looking forward to the summer and now school starts next week. For both the kids and for me. So life has gotten hectic, as usual. Preparing the kids and myself for school. I spent all my free time on my manuscript and left my syllabus and assignment prep to the last minute, so guess who is hating life right now? Plus, trying to take off a few days to take the kids to all the fun places. Brother! I could shoot myself for procrastinating. Coupled with all those overeager, overanxious students who keep emailing me for an early copy of the syllabus. Sorry, I am so very lame this semester. You'll be lucky to get it first day of class at this rate!

So it comes as no surprise to anyone who knows me that I would completely forget my own first blogiversary, which was August 4th. I have been known to forget my wedding anniversary and my own birthday at times. So I decided to post about my one year blog anniversary on the day of my 14th wedding anniversary. That way I only forgot one.

Happy anniversaries to me!

I shall leave you with another funnyism from my silly girls.

I took the girls to the Museum of Natural History the other day and we went to see the insect exhibition. The girls were absolutely disgusted to see huge centipedes, beetles and cockroaches. Although, being a New York city girl, those giant cockroaches were nothing compared to what I've seen in the subways.

So there is a little tunnel that you can crawl through and see stuff and then come out at the other side to a pretend house. The girls crawl out and come face to face with a breastfeeding mom and her baby. No not an exhibit. A real life lactating kind. And I kid you not. She had her breast completely hanging out for everyone to see as she is trying to get her baby to take her breast which the baby is refusing. First off, the museum was crowded. Secondly, she clearly didn't care that everyone could see her boobies. And she is right smack in front of the pretend house exhibit! I'm thinking, ok the kid doesn't want the tit right now, give it up before some lecherous old man takes you up on your offer instead!

So youngest comes out of the tunnel and comes face to face with the very large breast and immediately cries out.

"That nimple is bigger then that baby's head!" Yes, she is still mispronouncing nipple. Yes she seems to have mistaken nimple with breast.

Angus comes up right behind her and starts giggling madly. Oldest looks, rolls her eyes and says, "Oh great! I really didn't want to see that!"

The mom is smiling at youngest as I run and grab her to drag her away. But I am not fast enough as Youngest informs the mom to try chocolate milk instead. I finally steer them away. Angus keeps laughing and Oldest announces in her most weary voice, "I don't know what was worse, seeing gigantic disgusting centipedes or a gigantic disgusting breast! Couldn't she use a blanket or something? Gross!"

Head motion, eye rolling all with accompanying flicks of the hand. Oh boy! It starts! I thought I had a few more years before she morphed into an ugly teen. But apparently signs of it begin at 9.

I don't know if I'll survive 3 of them going through puberty all at once. Let the heavy drinking commence!!!!

The Best of Beaker

God I love these videos!

So...

You may have noticed I've not been around, again. Well, I have been feverishly working on my manuscript and it is final. I have begun the stress inducing querying process. I am a bit worried. Last year while I was quering my first WIP, my hair fell out in huge chunks (ok there were other things going on too, can't just blame querying). Here's to hoping I don't find it as stressful this time around.

One funny thing though. One of my wonderful, fabulous, marvelous, beta readers suggested that I needed to include a funny story for a character who didn't have much distinguishing characteristics. So... I added a fart story. It seemed the most natural thing to do. They were sitting around a campfire eating. Blazing Saddles came to mind. Viola, campfire fart story. Even if no one else laughs, my characters thought it was a riot. Except for one uptight character, she doesn't have much of a sense of humor. Anyhow, I have had readers comment about how different my blog writing is from my novel writing. I figure the fart story should fix this problem.

So will including a fart story help or hurt my book? I don't know. Only time will tell.

Karma

So today I had Angus with me since she didn't feel like going to camp. We decided we would have a nice Mommy and Daughter lunch, just the two of us. I parked in a garage on Bethesda Avenue and we waited to cross the street. No, not at the crosswalk, but right at the garage, like everyone else too lazy to walk down to the corner light (which included a mother with a baby stroller). I admit to being a chronic jaywalker. Growing up in NYC, the only way to get around is jaywalking. Having kids broke me of the habit and I usually always go to a crosswalk when I have the kids with me. Today's exception was cause it was really hot and humid and at least Angus is a fast walker. I know - no excuse. Believe me when I say it doesn't happen often.

However, that is not the point of this post. As we waited, we edged out to wait for a break in the very slow traffic. We stood a foot off the curb right next to the entrance to the garage. A very slow woman driver turning into the garage pulls short of us and begins to scream at us.

"What the hell do you think you are doing? This ain't a blah blah crosswalk!!! Who do you people think you are? You think you own the blah blah road?!!!!" Throwing her hands in the air and yelling up a storm. I was pissed, but I didn't say anything (I really don't like to have nasty confrontations in front of my kids). Since she had stopped to yell at us, I just decided to cross in front of her instead. Angus stared in open mouthed fascination and asked me why the woman was yelling at us.

"I don't know," I say as all the nasty reasons for why she is like that roll through my brain.

"How rude!" Angus announces. "She doesn't have to be like that."

I agree and we walk into the restaurant. Not 5 minutes pass and the sunny skies turn completely dark and a terrible thunderstorm hits, causing the lights to flicker ominously several times as rain dumped in absolute buckets. All the diners sitting outside ran inside, completely drenched even though they had been sitting under a covered area. The rain was coming down so hard it was bouncing sideways. As Angus and I sat enjoying our drinks and eating our chips and salsa, a soaking wet woman dashes for cover in front of the restaurant windows. I get a good look as she runs by and recognize the rude yelling woman from the car. Not even 5 minutes later, the skies completely clear and by the time Angus and I head for the car, the sun is out once again.

Poor woman. Karma is a bigger bitch than I could ever be.

An Old Korean Folk Tale

I'm moving a bit slower around the blogosphere these days. Posting less, commenting less often, letting my blogger reader climb up to the 200s and not sweating it. I am trying to find a right mix of family, writing, blogging, working, etc. As all of you know, this is not easy. But it is doable. The right mix is somewhere out there and I will eventually get it right. So I am still around, perhaps less visible than before. But always thinking fondly of you all and waiting for the the right story to share.

So I thought of a funny story to share. When I was young, my mom once told me an old Korean folktale that made me laugh my ass off. I always thought she had made it up but she is not really the creative type so I couldn't be too sure. So imagine my surprise to find that the story is actually truly an old Korean folktale, called "The Farting Daughter-in-law" and recorded in the Korean Studies Series No. 5 volume of Korean Folktales. The version I read reads like a superhero story. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Superfartress! It is quite long and complicated and ends with Super Farting Daughter-in-law saving her in-laws with a superfart. Quite comical, but not what I remembered. So I'll give you my mother's version.

Once upon a time, a long time ago. There was a young girl who had a really fat butt and was known in her village for farting so loud and powerfully that she could kill a bird in a tree with her fart. Although she was quite pretty, no one in her village, or the surrounding villages wanted to have anything to do with her. Til one day, a matchmaker from far away came for the girl. She was to match her with a family many villages away. The girl's family was delighted and they sent her off with her bridal dowry. Before she left, her mother admonished her not to fart and ruin her new life. The daughter promised and left.

She arrived to her new family and settled nicely into a routine, turning into a perfect and most dutiful daughter-in-law. Her husband and his parents were very happy with this lovely, respectful, modest and dutiful addition to their household. The house was very small, and the internal walls made of sliding paper walls. There was very little privacy in the house. As several weeks went by, they noticed that their new daughter-in-law was turning very pale and sickly. Quite concerned for her, the husband and both parents took turns asking her what was the matter, but the girl refused to tell them. Instead, she continued to turn sickly pale. Finally, the mother-in-law took her aside for a strong talk.

"My dear, you are wasting away and look like you are about to die. All of us are terribly concerned with you and I insist you tell me what is wrong!"

The girl was in terrible pain by this point and decided to confide in her mother-in-law.

"I am so sorry to cause you such concern, but it is because ever since I have arrived, there is no place that I can fart without being heard by the family and I am too embarassed to do so in front of all of you."

The mother-in-law began to laugh. "Is that all this is about?"

The daughter-in-law nodded.

"My dear! You had me so worried! This is nothing, just a little gas. Please go ahead and let it out. None of us will think badly of you, in fact, since we have been talking, I have farted many times without you even knowing it!"

The daughter-in-law began to look relieved, but was still a little nervous.

"Are you sure you will not think badly of me?"

"I told you! Go ahead and fart!" the mother-in-law insisted.

Without another word, the daughter-in-law released the fart that she had been holding for so many weeks. But because of the incredible amount of gas buildup, the fart came out as a huge explosion, one that blasted through all the walls of the house, sending it flying apart like a house of cards. Her mother-in-law was blasted several houses away while the father-in-law and the husband were hidden in the rubble.

So here is where my mother's version of the story differentiates from the recorded Korean folktale. The book states that the daughter-in-law was kicked out by her in-laws who were worried for their son, but on her way to her parents home, she has these adventures where she knocks out bad guys with her farts and makes lots of money and goes back to her in-laws who take her back happily, now that she is rich. My mother's version ended like this:

The mother-in-law came back to the ruins of the house, still dazed by the fart. Seeing her daughter-in-law unharmed, while her husband and son were crawling out of the wreckage, blood pouring from various wounds, the mother-in-law called her a monster and chased her away with a shovel. So mortified was the poor daughter-in-law that she went into the deep mountainside and died of a broken-heart. And the moral of this story is, never trust your mother-in-law.

Me - I thought it was never fart in front of your mother-in-law.

Mom - Who cares about the fart! Just never show your true colors to your mother-in-law or she will drive you away!

Me - OK, Mom, thanks for the interesting story.

Mom - And never let your husband get life insurance on you either.

Me - Wha?!

Mom - Especially over a million...

Me - Mom, I'm 13, why are you telling me this now?

Mom - Because you are never too young to learn. Let me tell you this story. It's called the Stupid Daughter-in-law...

Little Lawyer

The other day Oldest and I were chatting about camp, school, life, High School Musical and other topics of great importance to a 9 year old. We were having a lovely chat when she looked at me seriously and told me, "Mommy, I don't want to grow up. I want to be little and stay with you and daddy forever." Now this is nothing new. She, and the other two have been saying this for a long time. But this time she was so very serious. And this time, she is nearly as tall as I am. I can tell she doesn't like the fact that she is getting so big and can't easily curl up on my lap. She looks with envy at youngest who is still small.

"I never want to be apart from you!" Oldest announces.

"Well you say that now, but you might change your mind when you grow up," I say.

"NO! I will never change my mind!" she shouts. "I don't want to get married! I don't want to have babies! I just want to stay with my family forever."

"Oh that's so sweet," I say. "I should put that in a contract and make you sign it! Also put in a clause that you will never put Mommy and Daddy in a nursing home!"

"What's a contract?" Oldest asks.

"It's a legal document and it just puts in writing an agreement between people," I explain.

"But why would you need a contract?" Oldest asks suspiciously.

"Well I'd put it in your memory box to remind you of what you said. Cause people change their minds as they grow older."

"Well I said I wouldn't change my mind!"

"I know, hon, but you never know..."

"And what's a nursing home?" she asks.

"Don't worry about that sweetie, just agree that you will never put Mommy and Daddy in one and everything will be just fine."

"Well, a contract sounds like a good idea, but maybe you should also put in stuff about how much allowance I get and what my chores are and what the other girls chores are, you know?" Oldest asks.

"Uh huh," I mutter.

"I mean I should get more allowance as I get older, right? And when can I get my own phone? And when am I allowed to wear makeup? And what about Angus and Youngest? Don't they have to sign too? And I think you should put in that they are not allowed to play with my stuff unless they have my permission..."

"Ha Ha, I was just joking about the contract?" I cut her off. "Ha ha! Big joke! Forget I said anything. Just go play."

Later on I hear the three girls playing together when suddenly I hear Angus yell out, "What do you mean I have to give you my pokemon cards if I touch your stuff without your permission! I'm not signing that!"

Uh oh.

Oh Writer Where Art Thou?

One of my favorite movies is "O Brother Where Art Thou?" by the Coen Brothers. It is based on Homer's epic poem, The Odyssey, but is set in the deep south during the the Great Depression. The reason I bring it up is related to my manuscript but first let me give you the set up. For those of you who have never seen it, in the movie, George Clooney (Everett), John Turturro (Pete), and Tim Blake Nelson (Delmar) play escaped prisoners who are out to retrieve a hidden treasure. Along the way, 3 beautiful women (sirens) singing and washing their laundry by the river's edge, seduce the 3 men with liquor. When Everett and Delmar wake up, they find Pete is gone, and all that is left is his clothes and a large toad within them. So here is the scene from the movie:



So I am reviewing all the comments that Da Man has given me on my manuscript, most of which are incredibly helpful and wonderful catches. Towards the latter half of my story, the hero and his group discover a beautiful spot where heavenly maidens bathe and frolic by jade green pools deep in a mountain valley and the maidens inform my MC of the treasure he must find. On the paragraph after this scene Da Man had written the comment "We thought you was a toad!" I just about bust a gut laughing. It reminded me of how well he knows me that he knew I would find that hysterical. But it also reminded me of how many references and nods to other books can be found in most people's writings. While I don't think my book is completely derivative, it cannot help but have similarities with so many quest based novels.

If you look at Harry Potter or even the Chronicles of Narnia, you can see alot of concepts that are similar to Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, and look how successful these books have been. Eragon has been criticized as having the same plotline as Star Wars but told through the same world of the LOTR. And yet Hollywood even made a movie based on it (not a good movie, but still). Similarities occur everywhere, and what might be derivative to one reader may be fresh and new to another. For example, older readers criticized Eragon for being a hodge-podge of stolen plotlines and concepts from better novels. Yet young readers were opened to a new world of fantasy they had never seen before. And surely the success of the trilogy, speaks for itself.

If someone were to make a similar comparison to my novel, they might call it an Asian based LOTR. But would this be an accurate analysis of my book? I would hope not. I would hope that my creative East Asian mythlore take on the old "quest" devise would give it a completely new spin. I would hope my execution is what will keep it interesting and fresh and so very different from Tolkien's world. And yet to have your work compared to Tolkien would be an ultimate compliment. One that could bring a similarly themed book to a new audience.

But at the end of the day, it is hard to know what interpretations a reader will bring to your book. I would never have thought my YA Asian historical novel would raise similarities to "Oh Brother Where Art Thou?" but that is the correlation Da Man saw. Was it a good thing or bad thing? I'm not sure. But I can only hope, that when the last page is turned, and the book is finally put down, that whatever interpretations were made added to the reader's enjoyment of the book.