Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Random Stuff

Merry has tagged me with an interesting meme where you have to sum up your life in 6 words, like that famous Hemingway story. "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

I came up with two:

Once I suffered, now I’m blessed.


Be careful! Watch out for crap.

And while the first one is actually quite a succinct write up of where I am now in life compared to where I was previously, I think I gotta go with that second one cause it has so many meanings. For example, this is like my most famous motto to the kids whenever we are walking in the park or in certain city streets famous for people unable to pick up after their dogs. Since I have already done a long blog post on my hatred of dog poop, I will restrain myself now. But an interesting perk from my irrational fear of stepping in dog poop is that I find quite alot of lost stuff on the ground. You see, I spend so much time with one eye on the ground that I hold the world's record for finding the most lost money. I have found wallets, purses, jewelry, and cash just about everywhere, from singles and twenties to once a fifty dollar bill. In my younger days, when I was broke and no one was around, I would keep the money. Nowadays, I give money found to the homeless or to the church cause honestly, found money is usually not lucky money. And you get better luck if you give it away or return it to the rightful owner (not always possible).

Just last week, I was walking out of my favorite restaurant with my friend V and our kids after a nice meal. I came out of the front door at the end of the whole group and as I stepped out, I immediately spied something shiny on the ground. It was a HUGE ASS diamond ring. It was at least two carats, platinum setting with additional diamond bagettes on both sides of the solitaire. The thing was not only huge, but it was a heavy ring. It was easily a $20,000 ring or more. (V, if you are reading this, chime in and back me up on the size of this ring!) And since I consider myself a diamond connoisseur, I can assure you that it was a good diamond (not best quality - but good enough in cut and color to be quite expensive). I could not believe someone could have dropped their diamond engagement ring on the ground like that. The first thought that popped into my head was of a hysterical woman freaking out when they found that they had lost their ring. So I immediately turned around and went back to the restaurant and handed it over to the owners, who I know pretty well, and told them that I was positive someone would return that night to claim it. Turns out I was right, an hour later a panicked woman returned, claimed her ring and ran out. Although she did thank the owners, they were miffed on my behalf that she didn't want to try and contact me to thank me for my honesty and reward me. Now honestly, I was not seeking any reward of any kind. I was just thinking about how horrible I would feel to lose a ring like that and did not want anyone else to suffer. But the owners were so indignant that they comped me a nice appetizer with my dinner, which was totally unexpected and sweet of them.

The other thing I like about my 6 word story is that it also applies to life and the drama that can come with it. I dislike drama intensely. I don't like being dragged into other people's crap. If it isn't my business, I like to keep it that way. Recently a friend of mine was telling me how she inadvertently got roped into a huge dispute between two other casual acquaintances. I told her to stay out of it, she didn't listen to me and what happened? Crap exploded all over her face and now neither of these two casual acquaintances will talk to her anymore.

"Ha, ha!" I laughed at her and said "I told you to stay out of it! They still talk to me but now they hate your guts."

"Screw you," my friend says. Oh yeah, I deserved that, I was rubbing her nose in the crap. But hey! I did warn her!

See, you can't win with other people's drama. Unless your family or best friends and you can't help but get dragged in, you have to watch out for and stay away from other people's crap, because it will stick to you and leave a nasty stinky mark all over you. And that's all I have to say about that.

So if you can come up with a six word story that sums up your life, please feel free to post it and let me know. I came up with some more just as I was typing this like:

Ha, Ha! I'm better than you.

No I did not eat it.

Please try to go potty again.

So sorry, did I do that?

I know something you don't know!

Help! The wolves are after me.

I was lost... and still am.

These aren't the droids you seek.

I really, really stink at this.


Anonymous said...

LOL!!! If only manuscripts could be a series of these sentences strung together in no particular order!!

It was kind of you to return the ring. And I can't believe they didn't leave you at least a note or something. I truly can't. What the hell? Maybe the wench who owns that ring is used to people doing things for her. Next time, go donate it to the homeless shelter...

Anonymous said...

These aren't the droids you seek. Ha ha ha hah ahahaha ha ha ha ha! I just listened to some podcast on NPR about these stories. I really gotta think of one....hang on...I'm thinking...

Anonymous said...

I saw that six-word autobiography on Debra's blog! I think it's a great idea: it really challenges you to think hard and succinctly, and is especially useful to windbags like me.

My own 6-word sum-ups change from day to day, but here are a few:

Can I come back again? Please?

Will I lose all that kanji?

Hey, this life thing was fun!

Death means no more sorting socks.

Sure hope everyone will miss me!!

I love your diamond story, though agree with the restaurant owners, and if it had been my diamond (me with a diamond? -- what a laugh!), I'd have done the Japanese thing and given you 10% of the cost, so help me. (This isn't a legal thing, but it is definitely considered de rigeur -- ask your mom and dad!)

My eldest turned in a £20 note she found in a store the other day. A couple of weeks later, she got a nice letter from the store owner AND the damn £20, thanking her for being so honest. Phffft! I reckon she owes me the £20 for all the coins she's pilfered out of my purse...

Anonymous said...

I love this! Good for you, turning in that ring! And I love your six-word memoirs!

I'm thinking of making them a regular feature on my blog. LOL!

Anonymous said...

I'm at a loss for words

Ben O.

Anonymous said...

I was lost.... and still am.

Can I borrow that one? I love your take on this meme, Ello.

Now, the real reason ring lady didn't stick around or ask for your information to thank you was because it wasn't her ring. She was some random stranger, with less scrupples than you, who watched on the street as you found the ring... saw you bolt back into the restaurant with it in your hot little hand... recognized the look of happy satisfaction... and heard your friend, V, say, "What they hell's wrong with you? We could have sold that sucker and taken a cruise!"

So she camped out for a while after you left... watching the doors to make sure no one else claimed it, smoking one after another and pacing as she devised her story... She pinched herself furiously to elicit tears and ran across the street at a quick pace to produce the look of panic before crashing into the restaurant, shuddering as she said, "I've lost my ring! Could you have found it here? I don't know what I'll do..."

So really, she couldn't stick around and thank you because that would be more time for someone to recognize her and she was afraid he real owner would come in...

And that's why I write fiction... isn't people watching fun?

Anonymous said...

I once found a hundred dollar bill in my apartment complex's parking lot. That's the most I've ever found.

But wow. To find a diamond ring like that is just amazing. I would have definitely been panicking!

Anonymous said...

One's for other people.
Not me, I hasten to add.
"Take me to your leader. Now!"
or "I am woman. Destroyer of men."
"No one had found me yet."
"The shadows always know my name."

Anonymous said...

Although it has nothing to do with avoiding shit, I too look at the ground a lot and have found many things, including a wallet a couple of weeks back at KFC's. I quickly found the guy who had lost it.

I had someone return a lost wallet to me once, but they made clear they expected payment for it. I could never imagine charging people for returning their stuff, although it is nice to get a thank you.

Anonymous said...

as for a six word story, how about:

I think I'll have another.

Hey, that's only five. I'm better than everyone who has to write six word stories. I could even edit it down to: "I'll have another." Three words. DAmn I'm good.

Anonymous said...

Here's mine:

Happy old woman has no regrets.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Spent life's time wondering and enjoyed!

Anonymous said...

I'm slated to do this one myself. maybe I'll get it posted tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

This is mine:

I'm awake and dressed. That's progress.

Anonymous said...

You rock for returning the ring (pardon the pun.) I agree about drama, completely. It's just NOT allowed in my life. As for a few 6 word descriptors...
Sold for scrap. Watch me now.
Now I finally understand it all.
Life without drama is total peace.
Lots of mistakes. Lessons well learned.

Anonymous said...

Ha! I keep my eyes on the ground all the time too, but it's not fear of shit, it's fear of SNAKES. Consequently, I spot more snakes than anybody I've ever met. The related EIGHT word motto to go with that is -- Don't look where you don't want to go.

Anonymous said...

It started badly then got better.

Pass slowly you may miss out.

Death is just doorway leading home.

An old favourite: Life's a beach, then it rains.

Or as a variation: Life's a beach, bring an umbrella.

Anonymous said...

Ha! I can't believe you found that ring. It made me think of how my heart would sink in my stomach if I lost my (NOT huge-ass) engagement ring or wedding ring. No joke, I would feel terrible.

And of course as usual you cracked me up "Those aren't the droids you seek". So wise.

Anonymous said...

I like popping by because you always phrase things in such a humorous way.

Kudos on the ring. Boo to the woman! Courtesy just seems to be lost among us these days. Over on Stephen's blog "Spy" was poo-pooing men who held doors for women...sad.

Anonymous said...

thanks for the picture link. I added it to my post.

Anonymous said...

i learned my lesson of other people's shit when my sister's husband left her. man have i been paying since he came back after a two year absence.

you are fabulous to return the ring...i would have been all "upgrade!"

Anonymous said...

You grabbed yourself a heaping handful of good karma there, Ello! Awesome story. :)

Here's my 6 worder:

I'm indecisive. Wait. No, I'm not.

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