Thought I was going to say Kim Chee, right? Well, actually I've had people describe kim chee the same exact way, so to each his own. But today I am not waxing eloquent about the hot and spicy pickled cabbage dish. No, I want to revisit my youth in painful detail with you.
Most children with Korean parents have endured being grabbed in a head lock and having their nose pinched ruthlessly by their mother as halmoni (grandma) pours a brownish/black, warm, stinky, herbal concoction down their throats. I remember letting the foul stuff leak out the side of my lips and down my neck to try and keep from vomiting, only to get smacked on the head by my little old halmoni while she shouted that I was spitting out liquid gold. Apparently gold tastes a lot like horse manure. My sister had a much better method of dealing with the han yak. As soon as they forced it down her throat, she'd immediately hurl it back into halmoni's lap, along with whatever else she'd been recently eating. After about the 10th time of being covered in puke, halmoni finally gave up on her and poured all her han yak lovin' to me. The big dummy who dribbled instead of spewed.
So what is this mysterious medicine that tastes like fresh yak poop? Apparently it is an ancient herbal medicine philosophy based on restoring the proper flow of "gi" in the human body. It relies on a variety of sources such as plants, minerals and animal parts. Depending upon what your medical problem is, they have a different mix of the three just right for you. They used to put bear gall bladders, seals testes and rhinoceros horns in the stuff before it became illegal. Now we are so lucky to have deers antlers, sea horses, bats, scorpions, centipedes or geckos instead. But at the heart of any good han yak is ginseng, the most prized Korean product. Ginseng itself is not bad. Smells like a root and tastes like a root. Nothing to vomit over. But when mixed by a crazy little old Korean "doctor/quack" with the other 20-oddball, scary, freaky, han yak ingredients, it becomes unpalatable. Han yak makes Vegemite taste like Nutella. And it gives you horrible gas, and the gas would smell just like han yak, and you would try to run away from the smell, but it would linger wherever you went cause you were now the source of the odor.
So why drink it? Well Koreans swear by the stuff. They believe it cures just about everything - migraines, menstrual cramps, hernia, stomach aches, nose bleeds, and even broken limbs. Yes the han yak is so potent it will help your bones knit itself together again. Now that's liquid gold!
But does it work? Let me put it this way. I would NEVER EVER EVER tell my halmoni that I felt sick. NEVER! I remember breaking my pinkie in the school yard and crying like a baby. But when I got home, I put on a pair of gloves and acted like nothing had happened. My pinkie ballooned to the size of a McNugget and I'd pretend it was a sausage that I was eating. Luckiy, my halmoni had terrible eyesight. To this day, my right pinkie is blatantly crooked from having set it myself at the age of 11. So as far as my halmoni was concerned, I was the healthiest kid in the world and han yak was the reason.
And there was no more effective punishment than han yak. Just the threat of the stuff would have me begging for forgiveness for crimes I hadn't yet committed. The worst part was, I'd still get the han yak.
My kids have no idea how lucky they are that I don't make them drink the stuff. They have no concept of the misery I endured... But then again, perhaps I should further explore the benefits of han yak as a punishment.
February 14th, 2010 is the first day of the first lunar month and this year we are celebrating the Year of the Metal Tiger! Hurray for the Tiger! Hurray for getting rid of that stinky old brown cow! Yes 2009 was the Year of the Stinky Old Brown Shit Cow. I am so glad that it is moving its fat stinky butt out of the way. I've got a nice big steak waiting for me to sink my teeth in as a farewell to the cow. Au revoir, you nasty old heifer! Thanks for crapping on me all year long. Even to the bitter end - leaving me this week with a leaking roof after 50 inches of snow. Yes I blame you for that nasty doritos, old socks, vomit and mold smell in the girls room where you left your nasty tracks of melted snow. I am so glad to be getting rid of you.
Welcome Old Man Tiger and bring us some good luck for a change! Yes it may be a year of ups and downs, but change is good. Change can shake things up. I'm not afraid of change... yet.
Someone recently asked me if only Chinese people celebrate Chinese New Year. I said no, most Asian countries celebrate it. And she asked me if Koreans and Japanese wish each other a Happy Chinese New Year. Which was funny because I could understand that question. So I explained to her that it was actually a celebration of the new lunar year so Asians would just wish each other a Happy New Year. But outside of Asia, most people know it as Chinese New Year. She asked if I was offended by that and I said no. Wishing someone a Happy Chinese New Year is no different than wishing someone a Happy Lunar New Year. The sentiment is the same and very well appreciated.
So to everyone out there, I wish you a Happy Chinese/Lunar/Asian New Year! May the Year of the Tiger bring about some well needed luck for everyone!
Oldest is 10, nearly 11 and as much as I'd like to protect her from the ugliness of racism, she has not been immune. In fact, all 3 of my girls have had kids pull chinky eyes at them or make up sing songy Ching Chong words, not unlike Rosie O'Donnell's sensitive use of the Chinese language.
I tell my kids to stand their ground and to let these kids know that they are acting in an inappropriate and hurtful manner. And then I ask my kids not to let these actions hurt them, but to be proud of who they are and where they came from. But no matter what I say, it is unrealistic to believe that there will be no impact to them. I can see it even now. When we go somewhere and they notice that they are the only minority present, they are reluctant to bring attention to themselves, aware that they are different. Small, subtle things that bother me because I know why they do it. Because I did the same when I was young.
So yesterday, Oldest came over to me and asked me if we could speak in private.
Oldest - I read your blog post today and it made me cry.
Me - I'm sorry honey.
Oldest - You said that as long as I study hard and get a good education, then I can be anything I want, but that's not true is it.
Me - It is true, why would you say otherwise?
Oldest - Because when I grow up I want to be an actor, but how can I when they won't give me a chance? If they'd rather have whites be Asian characters then what is left for me?
Me - (speechless for a moment)This can change. If enough of us believe it's wrong and are willing to speak up, then we can change this.
Oldest - But you said to make it more relatable, they chose whites instead of Asians. I don't understand. What does that mean?
Me - It means they think the audience will be more sympathetic to and like the characters better if they are portrayed by whites instead of Asians.
Oldest - That's stupid. I watch Wizards of Waverly Place and iCarly and they are all white but I like them just fine. And True Jackson has a black girl as the main character and I like her too. Why would they think people wouldn't like Asians especially when the setting is all Asian?
Me - It's because they don't realize that what they are doing is racist.
Oldest - But some people are saying it's not racist and that it's stupid to be upset about this. My friend said who cares if there aren't any Asian actors in the leads, she's going to see it anyway.
Me - What do you think?
Oldest - I think its wrong. There aren't a lot of movies with Asians in them and I was really looking forward to this. Ever since Miley Cyrus did that bad chinky eye picture, I've realized that there aren't any famous Asian kids in movies and television. That's why I want to be an actor, so there can be more of us out there. But this makes me think it was just a stupid dream.
Me - No honey, never think that. You have to believe that the world can change and you have to believe that you can make a difference. Every single little thing a person does can make a difference. When people shrug their shoulders and say "what's the big deal" or "who cares" or "we can't do anything about it" their non-action has consequences. They are helping to continue racism. But every time someone speaks up and says "Hey that's not right," they are a ripple that reaches out to another and another until finally there are too many waves and people have to stand up and make a change.
Oldest - So you don't think it's a stupid dream?
Me - Absolutely not.
Oldest - Ok Mom, I believe you. I won't give up on my dream then.
Over at Justine Larbelestier's blog, there is an excellent post by Ah Yuan on the importance of diversity. It reminded me of why it is that I became a writer. Because like Ms. Yuan, I kept looking for books that I could relate to, with a protagonist that shared my cultural background. And it was virtually impossible to find.
Who am I? I'm a Korean American and like so many other Asian Americans and Asians living outside their motherlands, we are seen as the voiceless minority. How many times in my life have I heard someone yell out at me "Why don't you go back home to China, Japan or Vietnam, where you belong?" Why can't they understand that we are home? Ask a Korean American who has gone to visit Korea and ask them if they felt at home? How could they? They face a different type of discrimination. The kind that says you may look Asian but you can't speak the language and you can't really understand our culture.
It's so hard to understand that this place I call home and that I’m so proud of, doesn’t necessarily share its pride and pleasure of having the world's most diverse community of different races and cultures. You won't see a lot of minorities gracing the covers of books, magazines or major movies. Not that there isn't any, just not a lot. And definitely less Asians than any other minorities. And then there's the fact that there has been a history of whitewashing in publishing and in theater that continues to this very day. The question I can't help but ask is why? We are already the minority. Why marginalize us even more?
Like so many others, I felt physically betrayed by the first cover of Justine Larbelestier's Liar and tremendously relieved to see Bloomsbury respond positively to reader outrage.
Looking at these two covers side by side, you have to wonder at the reason behind why a publishing company would whitewash a character who is supposed to be a person of color. I've read so many articles and blog posts about the controversy and the one rationale that always bothers me is the one that says people won't buy books with people of color on the covers. When they say "people" they mean "white people" right? But the thing is, do they even try? Or do they throw one token POC cover out there, give it barely any support, see that it doesn't do well, and call it a day. Change happens when we make what was once so different the norm. Representing diversity is especially important for publishers of children's books. Books are the gateways for the imagination. But the ones in North America are apparently only gateways for white children as minority children are relegated to watching wistfully from the side. We are left hoping for a token side kick or small character that we can relate to. But not the main character. Because even if the book has a POC as the main character, we can't be on the cover cause we won't sell the book. That's what this controversy meant to minority readers.
And then they did it again. See Black-Eyed Susan's post on Magic Under Glass by Jaclyn Dolamore. The fact that Bloomsbury has fixed both covers is a positive change. We can only hope that it is indicative of a larger change in the industry. But we still have more to fix.
Many of you might have caught the recent trailer for a Paramount movie called The Last Airbender. It is based on a Nickelodeon television series called Avatar: The Last Airbender which is a wonderful animated program that celebrates the diverse culture of Asia. The main character is Aang as the Avatar, a young temple disciple that is clearly based on Chinese culture. The next two characters are Katara and Sokka, based on Inuit culture. And the antagonist is Prince Zuko, clearly drawn from Japanese culture. When I heard that Paramount was making a movie version and had hired M. Night Shyamalan to direct, I was excited. But then I saw the cast list and I felt punched in the gut.
The movie has been completely whitewashed so that the rich culture of Asia that made the television series so wonderful is now represented by white actors. I can’t help but wonder what this really means. I’m sad for my children who were shocked to hear that Asian faces weren’t good enough to portray an Asian character. I’m sad for this culture that devalues the contributions of their Asian citizens. They believed that to make Airbender more relatable to the white majority, they needed to put white faces in Asian roles. At least the original casting of Prince Zuko with Jessie McCartney was replaced by Dev Patel. But notice the one main Asian actor happens to be the role of the antagonist.
When Twilight star Jackson Rathbone got the role as Sokka, he said "I think it's one of those things where I pull my hair up, shave the sides, and I definitely need a tan. It's one of those things where, hopefully, the audience will suspend disbelief a little bit."
Hopefully it won't be as blatantly racist as Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Unfortunately, some people have responded with the fact that since these are anime characters drawn with the big freaky anime eyes, that they couldn't possibly be Asian. That because this is an American production, these characters are in fact white. I have no argument for this but one. Watch the video and you tell me. It provides scenes from the show compared to real life pictures of Asia.
What this movie and the book cover controversies show us is that the publishing industry and the entertainment industry is still prejudiced against non-whites. It's up to us, the public, to show them that this type of racism won't be tolerated. The outrage around the book covers caused Bloomsbury to change both book covers. But Paramount has refused to listen to the outcries of the fans. You can help by boycotting the film here. If you are on facebook then join this page. Help us send a message to Hollywood that whitewashing is racist.
Last year, Pat Buchanan said "This is a country built by white people." He conveniently failed to mention that it was also built on the blood, sweat and tears of the non-whites. The American Indians who were robbed of their land, the black slaves who worked this land, and the Chinese railroad workers who helped connect this land. Mr. Buchanan, we will no longer be overlooked. We will no longer be marginalized. We will no longer be the the forgotten people. We will take our place by your side and proudly claim that We are all American. You can't get rid of us and you can't pretend we don't exist. We won't tolerate it anymore. We will no longer be voiceless.
Thank you to all my blogger friends for all of your kind words and thoughts. I have been touched by them all and am grateful to have this wonderful online community.
I'm coming back with something that is of importance to me. Since I come from an environmental background, conservation is not just a word - it's a way of life. It's not easy but every little thing that we humans can do Can and Will make a difference.
Many of us have already begun using cloth bags when grocery shopping. But consider using them at any and all stores. I still see so many people using plastic bags everywhere. But if only 1 out of every 5 people makes an effort to stop using plastic bags, we will make a difference and have a great impact on our future. Please buy cloth reusable bags and take them with you to every store you go to. I have a large purse and many times I will just dump stuff into my bag to save on plastic. Many places in the world have banned plastic bags. If China can do it, then so can we. It isn't always easy to remember to do, but let's all be more vigilant. It will help us save the world.
I've never liked the Forrest Gump "Life is like a box of chocolates" analogy. While it's true that you never know what you're gonna get, let's face it, there is never a shit flavored chocolate in the box. They don't make a reality flavored box of chocolates. It would taste too bad.
I look at my life as traveling along a road. Sometimes it's a regular paved road. Comfortable, with no surprises. Other times its filled with danger - quicksand, sink holes, wild animals ready to tear you apart. Life gives you a variety of roads. I've walked on gold plated roads and ones so covered in dog shit that there's no way to avoid it. That's the way life is. We can only hope the bad stretches are shorter in duration.
Last fall it was clear that I'd left the paved road behind and was traveling along a steep rocky path alongside a cliff with no side barriers. My revisions were never good enough for my agent, my mother needed surgery, and my sister-in-law entered a long term stay in the Intensive Care Unit. My husband's only sister had a successful bone marrow transplant to cure her leukemia, only to suffer from host-vs-graft disease for nearly 2 years. But she's so strong, so tough. I'd never met anyone so determined to beat a disease. After all, she'd so much to live for. A beautiful little girl who's just turned 8 years old and possibly the most wonderful husband a woman could ask for.
In December, a small earthquake shook the road, leaving craters to carefully navigate. Isn't it always the case that right before the holidays, when you most need the extra cash, your car will break down or your garage door breaks, etc? Then the week of Christmas, with no internet or phone service, I stood in 27 inches of snow a block from my house in order to get email on my iphone. That's how I found out that once again my agent didn't agree with the direction of my revision and suggested another agent might be better for me. A week later we got the news that my sister-in-law was failing.
Last Friday, she passed away quietly in her sleep. She'd held on so her daughter could enjoy her birthday party the week before and play in her first ever basketball game. My last memory of her was when she was still conscious, grasping my hand strongly, smiling her beautiful smile and thanking me for taking care of her daughter.
Life has a way of reminding us of what's most important. Family and love and our dreams. Before she had her daughter, it was my sister-in-law's greatest wish to have a little girl that she could raise into beautiful young woman. Even in the hospital, her hopes and wishes were centered around going home and being a good mother. Going shopping with her daughter, attending her piano recital's, buying dresses, taking her for hair cuts and manicures, watching her grow - looking forward to prom. It's a dream that can't come true not because she didn't do everything in her power to make it happen, but because her body failed her. But she never gave up hope. She never stopped believing that she'd get home someday.
This is a lesson that I have taken to heart. I will not give up on my own dream. Not until my own body fails me. I will keep trying. Because she never gave up. Through the worst pain and suffering a person can endure, she never gave up hope. For her sake, I can't give up either. I will take over her dreams and see that her daughter is loved and cared for as one of my own, that I am there for my niece whenever she needs me, just as her mother would have been. I'll also see my own dream through and continue to seek out a new agent or go back to the editors who were interested in seeing a revision myself. And I hope that I'll find someone who, like my wonderful critique readers, loves my new MS. And if and when my book gets published, I will dedicate it to my sister-in-law whose beautiful and strong spirit will forever be my inspiration.
I'm sorry guys but due to a family crisis, I'll be too distracted to blog, tweet, facebook, etc. I didn't want to disappear on you all without a word and the girls, da man and I are fine. But the family is going through an emotional time and we're pulling together. I know that I feel like I'm swimming through jello right now. But I keep praying for a miracle.
December 26th was Youngest's birthday. She opened all her presents, with the help of her big sisters. I told the girls to help her take them up. This is how they helped.
The girls piled all of Youngest's birthday presents in her arms and left the Moonsand's handle by her foot.
Youngest shouted, "You guys! Help me carry my presents! I only have tiny arms, a big head and a small butt!!!"
I laughed and took a picture. Then I let small butt take her own presents up to her room.
On the last week of Christmas, Verizon gave to me .... 5 GRUESOME DAYS!!! 4 No - calling phones 3 Fried computers 2 nervous breakdowns and no phone or internet service ... because of an icy tree.
As soon as you watch it, you will know why the Oh family finds it so funny. And that is all the warning you need to know what it is about. he he.
PS - I'm dedicating this video to Mike Jung cause he didn't pick me to win his best title contest even though I had the best title for him. "The Gastacular MagnaniAnus SplendifOdorous Poopoobah Mike Jung." I was robbed I say! Robbed!!!! So I dedicate this video to the Poopoobah.
One lone, white, fluffy, white rabbit still hops around our neighborhood. The girls have nicknamed him Mimsy. The last Mimsy has graced us with a huge pile of rabbit poop on our little lawn. Hard to believe such a small rabbit could leave behind such a large pile of poo. The girls, of course, thought it was funny, until the other morning.
All three girls were eating coco puffs, letting the round brown balls get soggy in their milk.
Angus - I love coco puffs but they get soggy real fast.
Youngest - Yeah, and they look like rabbit poo poo. (she begins to laugh hysterically and smushes them down in her bowl.) See? They look just like the big pile of poo poo Mimsy left out front.
Oldest - I just lost my appetite.
Angus - Me too.
Youngest - Look, I'm eating rabbit poop! (Opens her mouth filled with brown sludge.)
Oldest and Angus silently lift up their still full bowls and scrape them into the food disposal as Youngest continues to munch on her coco puffs. That's my girl.
Pacatrue reminded me of the Stephen Colbert show's episode with Rain from last year. The background on this, for those who missed it, is that last year Stephen Colbert came in 2nd behind Rain on Time's 100 most influential people in the world. So he challenged Rain to a dance off. Even if you don't like Rain, you gotta love this skit.
Just saw Ninja Assassin this weekend. Bloody awful gorefest with some sickening violence that even made me flinch and squirm. But it was all worth it to watch Korean pop singing sensation Rain in his first Hollywood lead role of a major film. Da Man hit me a couple of times when my drooling and deep breathing got a little out of hand.
But then my friend sends me this picture of Rain at Dulles airport in DC.
I remember watching Monty Python and the Flying Circus on PBS growing up. This was my absolute favorite sketch next to Spam and the Ministry of Silly Walks sketches. And I don't know what would have happened to my sense of humor if I had never seen The Holy Grail or Life of Brian. I wouldn't be half as funny without their influence.
Pete Dudley just linked me up to USAToday articles celebrating their 40th anniversary. Thanks Pete!
Congratulations to the Monty Python troupe for celebrating 40 years of the funniest shows and films ever made!
For the past few months my blogging activity has been sporadic and my google reader has been set to 1000+ but is more accurately over 5,000 which makes me want to roll up into a fetal position and suck my thumb. I've not been really making rounds to my blogging buddies because it's been feeling a bit overwhelming. Too many posts to read. Too many people to see. Too many things to do. I should just overcome it and attack my google reader but inertia has set in.
So I've been pondering this, wondering what's going on. Used to be the highlight of my week was making the rounds and reading everyone's blog entries. And I know it isn't that I don't care anymore. I'm still intensely interested and I'll find myself clicking over for a quick read here and there. But I'm not commenting a lot, feeling like I don't have much to say. I'm just not as active as before and I don't know if it is laziness or something else.
The more I thought about it, the more I came to a realization that I'm feeling a bit lost. In part it's because I've been trapped in revision purgatory for a year, with this continual feeling of 1 step forward and 2 steps back. I just haven't had anything good to report in so very long. Yes I'll blog about something funny every once in awhile but making the rounds is a conversation. And my conversation has been one note. I can't even say I'm almost done or I hope to be done soon, because I've thought I've been done before and found that I wasn't.
So this is where I'm at. Not bad, but not great. Feeling trapped and wondering if I'll ever get free. Anyone else feel like this? Lost and a bit helpless? And it doesn't help that we are coming up on to the busy holiday season and the busy final season at school. Usually around this time I feel like I'm treading water and I know I'll be busy til the New Year. But until I can finally say I'm done revising and the MS goes back out on submission, I think I'm going to continue to feel trapped in limbo.
But it wasn't all bad. This revision process has been the greatest learning experience of my life. Working with my agent, my wonderful freelance editor, and my crit buddies, I've grown so much as a writer. My MS keeps getting better and better with each revision. I still love it. I can't even say I'm sick of it. I love it cause I basically created the kind of story that I want to read. Mythic, historic, magical, violent, brutal, tender, tragic and uplifting. I'm hoping that one day others will read it and love it too, but until that day, I just have to keep working.
Oldest had to work on her story for her 5th grade writing class the other day and she said to me, "Mom, revising is the hardest part of writing." I said, "You're absolutely right, but revising is where you take your lump of coal and polish out your beautiful diamond." I've been seeing my diamond shining through the coal. I still have a layer of black to polish through, but I know I'll make it. I just have to.
I finally caved to all of Oldest's pitiful pleading and allowed her to watch Twilight the movie. The caveat was she had to watch it with me. So I have to admit to finding the movie cheesy and entertaining all at the same time. I think it will be less painful than I thought to watch the next in the series. But there were several points in the plot that I could see Oldest getting squirmy.
Me: What's the matter?
Oldest: It's so much creepier to see it.
Me: See what?
Oldest: He's watching her as she sleeps and she doesn't even know it. That's so creepy. Plus he's wearing pink lipstick.
Me: Yeah, how embarrassing - especially the lipstick part. In fact, I think I have that exact lipstick shade. How embarrassing for me!
Oldest: I would hate having someone staring at me while I sleep. It's too weird and creey.
Me: Not to mention uncomfortable. What if you snore or fart in your sleep?
Oldest: Or pick your nose or scratch your butt or drool all over your pillow, like Angus.
(both of us begin to giggle madly before we are silent again.)
Oldest: Hey Mom, can you do me a favor?
Me: Yeah?
Oldest: Can you promise to never talk like this in front of my friends, ever?
Me: Oh no, are you saying I embarrass you now?
Oldest: Yes, but don't worry, you're not alone, all parents are embarrassing.
