A Slice of Life for Writers

There is a new literary magazine called "Slice" out now which is the brainchild of two book editors, Maria Gagliano and Celia Johnson. They know how hard it is for new authors to break into the world of publishing so their mission is to "pave a space for these writers who may not have a platform but show the kind of talent that could be the substance of great works in the future. We are equally dedicated to celebrating established writers, whose work moves beyond the boundaries of writing to not only redefine literature, but to inspire new voices to grow." They came up with the idea for this magazine while they were both editors working together at Random House.

On their website, they proclaim that "Slice is a new literary magazine created to provide a forum for dynamic conversations between emerging and established authors." Their first issue was made available this past September. When putting together their first issue, they decided that established writers would help draw attention to the newer talents. So the inaugural issue spotlights Junot Díaz who's first novel, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao (Riverhead Books), has been garnering praise from all of the major critics. Check out their very cool website.

The magazine is currently accepting material for their March, 2008 issue. The theme for article submissions is "Heroes." Slice magazine welcomes short fiction, nonfiction, and novellas for serialization. They are looking for anyone with a fresh voice and a compelling story to share but are not currently looking at experimental or "heavy-handed" genre fiction. Simultaneous submissions are acceptable as long as they are notified immediately if the work is selected for publication elsewhere. All submissions should be previously unpublished. All submissions must be submitted electronically, in the body of an email. Be sure to include detailed contact information. Please allow two to three months for them to reply to your submission. They are currently unable to pay for published material, but hope to reward writers by creating a wide audience of readers. Please send submissions to submissions@slicemagazine.org.

Because they are a brand new magazine, it looks like they are cautiously testing the waters. Their publishing schedule is only twice a year in March and September. So submissions will probably be very high. But to anyone out there with short stories, please check them out. As they grow, hopefully they can expand their publishing schedule and eventually pay their writers.

Scary Mary

Last time I posted the Shining's recut trailer. A horror movie made to look like a sweet family comedy. This time I have the beloved Mary Poppins movie recut and called "Scary Mary."




The beauty of these recut movie trailers are how misleading they are. If you watch the Shining recut and expect a happy family drama, you are going to be incredibly surprised with the real movie. Similarly, if you expect a horror film with the Scary Mary trailer, finding yourself in a Disney musical would be quite a culture shock. So how does this relate to writing?

Have you ever read a book jacket and been excited about the story only to find the book didn't live up to the promises? Or the book cover has nothing to do with the story inside? I have had this happen several times, to the point where I wonder if the people designing the book packaging actually read the book they are working on.

And I thought this could also happen in the whole query process. Think about it, writing a good query letter is incredibly hard. Trying to make it as interesting as possible so we can snag an agent's attention is our entire objective. Sometimes you want to make it sexier, more unique, maybe more so than your actual book really is. But we have to be sure that the query letter lives up to the manuscript in order to avoid being misleading. Would we even know if we are being a little misleading in an attempt to get agent's attention in the first place? And is it ok to make it a little sexier than your actual book? Perhaps the tell tale sign is in the correlation of rejections to partials or fulls read. Maybe there is a sign in there.

I think my query letter lives up to my manuscript. I feel very comfortable about it. But then again, maybe I'm pulling a Scary Mary.

I left the copier jammed...

So, last night I was at the faculty office and needed to make a bunch of copies for class. The office has these new copiers that are, how do you say, um, ABSOLUTE CRAP! Every time I tried to make a copy, it would jam somewhere in some impenetrable nether region of copier hell and I would spend 10 minutes opening and shutting various different compartments over and over again before getting it to work only to find it jams 2 copies later! F**k me! Frustrated, I gave up and informed my work colleagues that I had jammed the copier. When I went back to my desk, this wonderful and memorable video was in my email, courtesy of my colleague. Thanks Jason!



Man, oh man, I loved these commercials when they first aired! I am so glad we can see them whenever we want on YouTube. I have to say my all time favorite Terry Tate quotes that I used to go around saying all the time:

1. Break was over 15 minutes ago, Bitch!

2. You can't cut the cheese whereever you please! That's just nasty!

3. You can't make a pass and pinch Pablo's ass!

Ah, the good old days! Well, although I did jam the copier, at least I told everyone I did it. But we all know those office slackers that drive you crazy. Like the faculty member who left a dirty cup of rancid nastiness on the faculty desk for me to find. Errrrr. Or the person who farted in the stairwell above me even though they could hear me coming up so that I walked into the evil stank of his ass. Where's Terry when you need him.

I am Writer hear me Roar...

Lisa Kenney has a great meme today about what are her five writing strengths. Unfortunately she then tagged me for it and I found myself at a loss. I really don't know if I could come up with five things that I would consider a strength in my writing. Why? Because I don't think I've been proven on any of it yet.

If you were to ask me what were my five strengths as a lawyer I could answer quickly and surely. I am an excellent legal draftsman (if you need a contract, I'm your man, er - you know what I mean), I am an excellent negotiater, I am extremely no nonsense, I can be intimidating (important in certain situations), and I can be quite compassionate (important in others). And I know these are my strengths from all my years of working and peformance reviews and promotions, etc. But creative writing? I honestly don't know that I can answer this. How can I with no publication credits to my name yet?

Maybe this is where my analytical, black and white mind fails me. Where I feel it would be somehow wrong to list strengths when they have not been proven to me as such. This is not some form of humble pie, cause humble isn't really in my vocabulary. Just how my weird brain thinks on things.

So what can I say that has been proven to my satisfaction? This is what I came up with.

1. I have very thick skin. Not only is thick skin essential for surviving as a writer, but it is proven to repel wrinkles and stretch marks.

2. I am a meticulous researcher. If I have a character chewing gum, rest assured that I would have researched the exact type of gum, from flavor to appearance and who made them at what period of time, and the exact composition of the gum including what particular sapodilla tree in Central America the latex sap came from. No one scratches their ass or picks their nose in my WIP without me researching it first. I take my ass scratching very seriously.

3. I learn more about my craft from reading others all the time. Lisa said this too and I completely agree. How can you write if you don't read? I say this to my students who are afraid of writing. For them, since they are writing academic papers, I always remind them to read the paper or news magazines and journals every day so that their writing will improve. Right now, I think alot of them only read the National Enquirer or nothing at all, if their papers are any indication of their reading.

4. I enjoy editing. I really do. I love tightening and tightening and tightening - sort of like a plastic surgeon on Joan Rivers face...

5. I enjoy writing. This is clearly a proven strength for a writer, right? I mean I'm not saying I do it well, I'm just saying I enjoy it. Love it actually. Writing feels good even during the times when it can be incredibly hard and frustrating. When all you have is one sentence out of hours of writing. It still feels great. And that's all I have to say about that.

To tag or not to tag, that is the question. Last time I did a blanket tag, not many played and I was deemed a spoilsport by some. But I like being a spoilsport so I think I shall blanket you all again! And as always, play if you want to or if you are like Charles at Razored Zen, you can always wear your "repel all tags" cloak. I hear it is pretty effective.

Walk on By

The last picture writing exercise was so successful my goal is now to do one every week. I was really amazed at the comments that came up last time which ranged from dark, to sweet, and from the profound to the hysterically funny.

So technically, I'm a bit early to be doing another image, but this isn't a writing exercise as much as one to provoke some thought. As you can see, it is a hard picture to look away from.

Walk on By
Copyright by Creativity+

When I came across this picture, it stopped me dead. I was moved by immense pity and by something akin to shame and remorse. Have I been one of those to walk on by? Did I turn a deaf ear to his pleas for spare change? Did I wrinkle my nose in disgust? Did I pretend not to see him? He is in every city and every country of the world. We all know of one just like him or her.

I wondered what his name might be, who he once was, what was his story? I wondered if once he had people who had cared for him. Where were they, what happened? Did he once have a house and family and dreams that all died, leaving him alone in the world?

His story whispers in my ear steadily whenever I stare at his picture. And I find myself talking to him. I wish I could buy you a decent meal. I wish I could give you a helping hand. But there are so many of you out there. What is the best way to help you all? I wish I knew.

Books, books, books!

OK two games of back to back tag! Larramie has tagged me with my second official blogtag - but this is a serious one. A book meme of all things. I couldn't actually respond right away because I wanted to think about it, seriously. Cause we writers are a serious lot. Seriously.

So first question. Total number of books?

What do you mean by this? Total owned, total read, total loved, total hated, total picked up started and thrown down in disgust? This is such an open ended question. It is nearly impossible to answer. So assuming that the party of the first part meant for the party of the second part to discuss the total number of books owned over the course of the second party's natural life, whereas the parties would like to come to a mutual agreement as to the proper response to said question, notwithstanding subsequent interpretations of said question, the answer shall be imparted as follows:

I don't know.

For further clarification, I shall respond thusly. The Library of Congress states that its collection fills over 530 miles of shelf space for its 130 million items of books, manuscripts, journals, etc. I have a little less.

Last Book read?

Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. Beautiful, simply beautiful. I was like Niagara Falls.

Last Book Bought?

My most recent book purchased was an e-book (which was also my first e-book ever). It is Weirdly, a Collection of Strange Stories published by Wild Child Publishing. Cool creepy stories that you want to read when you are all alone on a dark, cold stormy night. The lovely and extremely talented Bernita Harris has one of the best stories I've read in it and I plan to do a review and Q&A with her when I finish the entire book!

Five meaningful Books?

For me, meaningful books are the ones that left me a little different after reading it.

If I must limit it to five then these would be the five I would list as most memorable to me at this particular moment in my life:

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. I can’t really even explain how much I loved this book. It made me fall in love with the power of the written word. It also made me want to be a lawyer - yeah, I know, but I still love this book.

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas, swept me away in an epic tale of betrayal, revenge and redemption. Also gave me my love for adventure tales.

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. I cried and cried. And then cried some more. I’m such a sucker for a good tearjerker – but only if it doesn’t make me feel manipulated. This book made me doubt whether or not I had written a book anywhere near as good and then made me determined to find out.

Persuasion by Jane Austen. One of my favorite books of all time. This taught me to fall in love with romance. It has the most romantic love letter I have ever read. And I am not one for love letters. Honestly, I am about as romantic as a head of cabbage, but I loved this book.

The Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling. I know I cheated and added a whole series as my last entry, but really these seven books must be considered altogether. I could dedicate an entire post to how this series has affected me, but I will limit it to this. Not only did I love the series and the world that Rowling created, I admired the strength of her storytelling that enthralled the world and united all her fans in an experience that will probably never be replicated in my lifetime.

Five People to Tag for a Book Meme

Here's the thing. I'm a lazy tag player. When I actually was It, I wouldn't chase anyone. I'd just go sit under a tree and read or take a nap until everyone got tired of waiting for me and got someone else to be It. But in this case, I really would love to see what everyone's book choices are. So, this is what I'd like to do. If you read this, and you haven't already been tagged with this meme, then consider yourself tagged! Consider this an all encompassing blanket tag, but only play if you want to, and leave a comment here to let me know if you will post on this Book meme so I can come and see the books that mean the most to you. I know I'm not playing by the rules. But rules were meant to be broken, right?

I miss New York

Downtown Manhattan
Copyright byNicolas Masse available via a Creative Commons License

Evening: New York

Blue dust of evening over my city,

Over the ocean of roofs and the tall towers

Where the window-lights, myriads and myriads,

Bloom from the walls like climbing flowers.

by Sarah Teasdale

As dusk falls, the buildings of New York light up the sky like Christmas lights. Evening is when New York looks its best, like a movie star dressing for a red carpet event. The lights of New York blanket the city scape in an evening gown of diamonds and pearls. Walking down the streets of Manhattan, you brush up against strangers bustling by in clever conversation with friends or cell phones. Passing an underground subway station entrance, you hear the screech and whirr of a train as a burst of air whooshes up the stairs assaulting you with the underground stench of tunnels and stale air. The odor quickly passes and is replaced by the competing scents of hot dogs and sauerkraut of a corner hot dog vendor against that of the gyro stand right next to it. Crossing the street New York style, nearly clipped by a fast moving bus. The brash horn of an impatient taxi driver echoes in your ears as it weaves through the well choreographed traffic. Walking again, headed uptown, the lights of oncoming traffic shimmer like an ocean wave. You look up at the sky, there are no stars. But one hardly misses them.

An Interview with Patricia Wood, author of "Lottery"

Winning the Lottery



Let’s face it, who amongst us can honestly say they’ve never dreamed about winning the lottery, especially when it creeps up to ridiculous proportions like $200 million. I mean what a ridiculous sum of money for anyone to win. (Please let it be me! Please, Please!) So when I heard the concept of Patricia Wood’s debut novel “Lottery,” I was completely hooked, and so was the entire publishing world.

They called it a high concept hook - “Forrest Gump wins Powerball,” and it created an immediate stir in publishing. Ann Oldenburg’s article in USA Today, stated that Lottery went to auction and landed a six-figure deal for its first time author. It is a dream that all writers aspire too.

So often we hear the hype, buy into it and then end up being disappointed. That is definitely not the case here. I read Lottery in one day in two sittings. And it would have been one sitting but for the simple fact that I had to cook dinner, feed the kids, bathe them, check their homework and tuck them in bed, all while glancing impatiently at my book and growling and muttering under my breath. When I finally closed my book, I sighed with happiness tinged with the sad thought that having finished, I could never have that new book pleasure filled with the discovery of finding new characters that warm your heart. Unless I suffer from amnesia, then please remind me that I will want to read Lottery again.

The main character is Perry L. Crandall, and he is not retarded. He knows this because he scored a 76 on his IQ test and Reader’s Digest says that you have to have 75 or lower to be retarded. So he is not retarded. And from this introduction on, you are absolutely hooked by Perry, his loving but sharp tongued grandmother, his nervous but caring boss and a disgusting burping, farting best friend, Keith, who was my second most favorite character of the book. Not just because I think burping and farting are hysterically funny, although they are, but because Ms. Wood develops Keith, a Vietnam Vet, into a living breathing person you come to care deeply for. Now all the bad guys in the book, Perry’s brothers, in-laws and even his mother, are either lawyers or married to lawyers. (I would feel indignant on behalf of all us lawyers, except I actually know too many like this to take offense for my profession.)

When Grandma dies early in the book and Perry wins $12 million playing the lottery, you’d have to be a real gullible, naïve fool not to know what happens next. The beauty of Ms. Wood’s book is that Perry, who knows he is slow, is neither as gullible nor as naïve as people like to think. And while the bad guys are little more than cliché’s, they work extremely well when placed in the context of the book. Their portrayal is as Perry sees them, no more, no less. As characters, they are not shaded or nuanced like Grandma, Keith or Cherry, a woman Perry would like to have as a girlfriend. That is because the actions of the brothers and Perry’s mother have only ever been unkind, and even when circumstances change and they try to act nicely to Perry, he sees right through to the desperation beneath their surfaces. Their words might have changed, but they are still the same. Perry is one of the most likeable underdog characters you will ever read. You will root for him, cry with him and laugh your head off at things he says. You will definitely not be bored, I promise.

Interview with Patricia Wood, author of Lottery

I came to know about Ms. Wood and Lottery from having seen her as a regular commenter on Miss Snark’s popular writing blog. There she would be seen commenting as Orion, the name of her 48 foot sailboat that she lives on with her husband and her two cats. Originally from Seattle, Washington, Ms. Wood has served in the Army, worked as a medical technologist, taught marine science to high-risk students and is now a Ph.D. student at the University of Hawaii.

After writing three novels which only collected rejections, she wrote Lottery over a three month period last year. In her own words she says, “I was consumed.” As luck would have it, she sent an e-query to top agent Dorian Karchmar, a literary agent with William Morris in New York. Ironically, Ms. Karchmar states that “most of the time I’m so busy, I don’t read email queries.” But Ms. Wood’s email arrived on a slow summer day and the rest of the story is pure magic.

After reading Lottery, I had to email Ms. Wood and let her know how much I loved her book and was happy to receive a very quick, warm and gracious response. When I decided that Lottery would be my first ever Book Review on my blog, I asked her if she would be willing to provide a short interview for my readers. Even though she is six hours behind me, I got a quick response that said “What a delight!” and we were off! I hope you all enjoy the interview.

E - Aloha Pat! Are you on your sailboat right now?

PW - Yes. I have just finished packing for my trip to the mainland for readings and signings.

E - I think it is so cool that you live on a sailboat. How long has it been since your residence was on land?

PW - Four years

E - It is amazing that you have access to technology even on a sailboat, but is there anything you miss about living on land?

PW - Not usually - I get a small twinge when I remember my beautiful gourmet kitchen and if I want a bath I go to a hotel.

E - So you have all the comforts of home, even pets on your boat. I understand your two cats are your muses, but they aren't housecats, they are sailboat cats, right?

PW - They didn't use to be but they are now! They got acclimated quite well.

E - Do they ever leave the boat?

PW - Not intentionally, only accidentally.

E – When they accidentally get off the boat, do they suffer from sea legs?

PW - No, but they get wet!

E - So we all know the weather is beautiful on Oahu but when you do get bad weather, how does it affect your routine as a writer living on a sailboat?

PW - I close the hatches and am snug as a bug in a rug. It's quite cozy.

E - You wrote Lottery in three months. But it was eight hours a day for seven days a week. How hard was it to commit to this schedule? How long was your editing process?

PW - It was often 12 to 18 hours a day and it was a first draft - and quite a shitty one at that! I did a couple passes through to fix grammar and spelling and by the fourth pass the skeleton of the story was closer to what Dorian (my agent) saw.

E - Did you have a critique group or readers review Lottery for you and what do you feel is the value of a writer's group?

PW - I've never been one to join groups. I know people swear by them but it has to be the right group. I think readers are better than writers. I have a large pool of beta readers. My friend author Paul Theroux read an early draft and many cruisers from my harbor (marina) read various versions.

E - But you were part of a large online writing community. You were a regular over at Miss Snark's popular blog where I first saw you as Orion. It was real neat to see you thank Miss Snark in your acknowledgements. When you got published, did Miss Snark ever get in touch with you?

PW - Miss Snark ROCKS. She sent several very nice emails congratulating me and did call me when I went to New York. The number came up unknown. It was magic! I owe her so much for all the guidance in her blog and the support the blog has shown me. They were all there from the beginning.

E - She called you? So do you have any idea about her real identity?

PW - No clue at all, but I suspect she has moved on. I read in People magazine recently that George Clooney hired a new maid with amazing literary taste. It could happen...

E - He would be a lucky man, then! As fans of her blog, we all know what we got from her; great no-nonsense advice and a community of writers just like us. Now that you are a published author, when you look back at Miss Snark's blog, what do you think you gained from it the most?

PW - The fact that this business is subjective. The fact that if more writers just sat down and finished their novels they would be more successful. You need to write, write and write some more. That hiring a book doctor or an outside editor is not necessary and that perseverance is the best quality to have.

E - One of the things that I've been so impressed with is how altruistic you have been to your fellow writers. You have a blog where you've given so much insight to the publishing process and you also are a vibrant presence on the Absolute Write forums where you provide a lot of great information and advice to newbies. I love that you have become like a Mentor figure now that you are a famous author, but what makes you do it?

PW - HA! I'm a know-it-all? Actually I am a teacher. Have always been a teacher and love to teach. I will be going to the University of Hawaii next Friday to talk to creative writing students. It is pay-back for the help I have received from generous authors like Paul Theroux and Jackie Mitchard.

E - So are you working on a new book and is there any information you would care
to share about it?

PW - I am ALWAYS working on another book. I have three finished manuscripts and am outlining other projects. My agent and I are giving a great deal of thought as to what will follow Lottery. Of course there is the paperback of Lottery that will come out next summer (08).

E - Lastly, there is so much advice that is out there, sometimes contradictory, but I would love to know what would be the one piece of advice that you think is really important or overlooked that you would give to aspiring writers about fulfilling their dream?

PW - WRITE. Finish your novel and start another. READ. Write. Read. And WRITE some more. Oh yeah... and make sure you write.

E - Thanks so much Pat for chatting with me about Lottery. You are awesome!

PW - Aloha and Mahalo! Writers are welcome to email me with questions at
patricia@patriciawoodauthor.com

Tuesday Introspective - Technology is making us Stupid!

Noted Swiss philosopher, Jean Piaget, once stated that “intelligence is what you use when you don’t know what to do.” But in our technological world, everything comes with an answer or within easy Google reach of information. The ability to reason and solve problems has been supplanted by ready access to the easy answer. We no longer have to worry about not knowing what to do. Calculators take care of math equations, computers input data terms and spit out formula equations and answers, the research process has been replaced by an internet search engine. Even something as simple as the memorization of home phone numbers has been relegated to the memory of computer chips in phones so that most people can no longer remember up to five of their most frequently dialed telephone numbers. I contend that technology is making us stupid.

The Loss of Memory

Before the printed word, people relied on their memory for everything. In fact, those citizens with prodigiously good memories were revered and placed in positions of honor. Oral histories were passed down each generation. Storytellers had important roles in communities. Greek playwright Aeschylus stated that “Memory is the mother of all wisdom.” One might argue that memory in and of itself is no measure of intelligence. True, rote memorization with no understanding is unhelpful. But isn’t memory a component of intelligence? An innate intelligence must have the ability to remember details of importance in its rational search for the answers. Without a doubt, memory is a key component of our intelligence. It is involved in all aspects of thinking, perception, learning, language and problem solving. But we have now entered an age where memory seems to have become irrelevant. Why memorize when everything you need to know is a mouse click away?

A recent article on CNET discussed a UK article that showed a quarter of its residents could not remember their home phone numbers and a third could not remember birthdays of their immediate family members. It states:

“The less you use your memory, the study says, the worse it gets. The study indicates, shockingly, that people in their 50s and 60s have generally better memory than people in their 30s. Why? The older group was tasked with committing more to memory when they were younger, "training" their brains appropriately. Our gadgets make it simple to offload our memory to electronic devices.” (CNET, 2007)

Not forcing ourselves to use our memory is triggering more and more short term memory loss. Because we no longer train our brains to retain information, it becomes easier to forget.

Technology and Children

I worry about the impact of all this technology on our children. There have been more than enough studies on the impact of television to prove that the more you turn off the TV, the better it is for your children. But television alone is not the problem. Computers with its chat rooms and Facebook and MySpace cultures are fostering an addiction to the internet that has supplanted reading, writing, and even outdoor activities. And don’t even get me started on videogames! None of these things are bad if they are kept in moderation. The trouble begins with a new generation that seemingly cannot survive without its technology.

Technology addiction starts young. Companies target their audiences very well. Take for instance the Webkinz rage. It is marketed as “the stuffed animal that comes alive online in Webkinz world” (http://www.webkinz.com/, 2007). WEbkinz are stuffed animals that come with a code a child can use on its official internet site to enter their animal into a world of one dimensional fun. My children all have 3 to 4 of these creatures each. Some kids we know have anywhere from 10 to 15 of these stuffed animals. It isn’t the toy that is the problem, it is the internet component that sucks your child in to worrying about and caring for the life of their cyber pet. This alarms me. I think eight and six are too young to be constantly on the computer. When I limit their computer time to thirty minutes and to once or twice a week, they complain that I am killing their cyber pets. As if I care. The sooner they grow out of this obsession, the better. But to them, it has begun their obsession with the internet.

Technology has cultivated a world of short attention spans

It has been well proven that children who read a lot do better in school. Reading comprehension is a core component of most intelligence testing. But less and less children are reading given the distractions of television, DVDs, computer, ipods, video games, etc. All of these technological gadgets seem to promote short attention spans and fosters an inertness in the mental faculties of our children. Everything moves quickly. They don’t need to think, just react. Reading, on the other hand, has always been about time and a demonstrated ability to focus for a long period of time. It helped sharpen your mind by the forcing you to provide long term attention to a focused reading activity.

The phenomenon of Harry Potter has proven how far reading has fallen. Media coverage highlighted over and over the incredible effect Harry Potter had on jumpstarting an interest in reading again for children. Equally hyped was the growing concern in the publishing industry with the end of the revered HP series. What, they worried, would children now read voluntarily? For it seems that most children do not read anything outside of their school reading lists, although they have no difficulties reading and posting treatise length comments on their web pages.

I am not stating that technology is bad. Of course not. It is a wonderful advent onto humanity. However, I worry that allowing technology to take over our worlds in virtually every aspect of our lives, is not such a good thing. Extremes of anything are never a good idea. I can only hope that parents will look to their children’s technology proclivities and think about curtailing them more. Push a book in their hand and take away their Gameboys and Ipods. Give them a soccer ball and turn off the TV. Teach them to play an instrument or paint a picture. Foster the arts. We, as parents, have a responsibility to offset the evils of the world, and while technology is not itself evil, too much of it may be stunting our minds.

Carnivore's delight

Food is one of my favorite subjects so why not include some of my favorite dishes on my blog? We will start with my favorite barbecued meat. Kalbi. If you have never been to a Korean restaurant, then you have never had the ubiquitous pleasure of grilling right at your table, smoke watering your eyes while the sweet garlicky goodness of succulent short ribs assaults your olfactory neurons. Walking out, you reek of barbecue and garlic that lasts with you until your next shower, but boy was it tasty!

Oh the pleasures of Korean barbecue. Beef short ribs marinated with soy sauce, garlic, sesame oil, green onions and sugar, grilled over a hot flame. Since I am the designated grillmaster, I get to choose what I want to grill. My first choice for barbecue (next to the obligatory weiner roast) are these amazing, delicious, out of the world Korean short ribs. For a carnivore, there is nothing better. The meat is slightly sweet with the tang of garlic, soy sauce, sesame seeds and the smoke of the grill. Heaven!

The problem with Kalbi is that if you go to a restaurant, they will charge you $17 to $25 for a dinner size portion. While it is a good amount of beef, it can be quite expensive. And if you've got a table full of carnivores, the bill can get quite hefty. Also most restaurants tend to make their kalbi on the sweeter side, which is not my preference. But, I've yet to go into a Korean restaurant that didn't have good kalbi.

Luckily, it is actually quite easy to make. Especially if you have a Korean market nearby. You can get Kalbi already marinated and ready to grill for $5 to $7 per pound. A lot cheaper and just as good as the restaurant version. But if you don't have a Korean market nearby, then get your favorite grilling meat and the following recipe and make it at home.

Kalbi recipe

4 pounds Korean style short ribs (which is cut thin - see picture above), or other good grilling meat

1 1/2 cups soy sauce
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup sesame oil
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
8-10 cloves of fresh garlic, crushed
6 large green onions, chopped roughly
Toasted sesame seeds

Combine the soy sauce, sugar, sesame oil and vegetable oil in a large mixing bowl. Add garlic and green onion and stir together. Put short ribs into large sealable freezer bag (you may need two). Pour marinade into bag and mix with meat pieces. Refrigerate for at least four hours or overnight. Heat grill to medium-high heat before adding the meat. Drain excess marinade off short ribs and grill them until medium, about 6-8 minutes. Sprinkle with toasted sesame seeds and chopped green onions.

Pretty much every recipe for kalbi is like the above, with variations on amount of sugar and garlic used. Serve it with a side of hot steaming rice and some red leaf lettuce for freshness, and you've got one of my favorite meals ever created.

I wanted to write about food because as I was going over a section of my WIP, I realized I was reading about a character going through the motions of cooking dinner. And it struck me that I had put quite a lot of detail into the preparation of the meal but none in the actual food created. That struck me as peculiar. Was it because what my character ate was irrelevant to the story line? It seemed such an important detail to omit, especially from someone like me who loves food and the idea of food in all its amazing permutations. I don't know the answer but it made me pick up some of my keeper books to see how food was handled. And in most cases, I realized, food was lovingly portrayed. It was a way to anchor a scene or to create an atmosphere with. Eating alone, no matter how lovely the food, signalled loneliness. Food, whether it be junk food or an elaborate meal, prepared for family was usually filled with warmth and laughter. In many cases food was as much a part of a scene as the room, the secondary characters. When it is not there, its absence is noted. Its importance cannot be denied. So I need to promote my love for food in a written venue so I can be as comfortable writing about it as I am eating it.

Picture 1 Copyright by wEnDalicious 2007

Picture 2 Copyright by Taekwonweirdo 2007

All avaible on Flickr through the Creative Commons License

Sunset

Sunset Straight On
Copyright by Slack12

I have a slideshow link for best sunsets on my igoogle account which is how I found this talented professional photographer's work on Flicker. His stuff is incredible - every picture a work of art. I've fallen in love with several of his pieces. And he generously allows a creative commons license which allows me to share with you all the beauty of his work. I hope you enjoy his work as much as I do.

If you were to ask me what about this piece really gets to me, I think it would be the harmony of light and shadows. The blue of the sky tapering into the layered clouds and then absorbed in a burst of color. A secret house all dark and untouched by even a single ray of light. To me this is like the first line of a mysterious book. We need to dig deeper to find the story beneath. And I think that is what intrigues me so much about this particular picture. I could feel a story roaming on the grounds, dancing in the rays of the sun, hiding behind the dark curtains. It told me a tale of 2 children who had died in their family home while playing one day. A freak accident, grieving parents, a house shut up in darkness. Shadows swallowing it up so that the suns rays were always a hand's span away, but always too far. Two small ghostly forms play sadly in the darkness, wistfully hoping for the sun to break the shadows hold on their house and send them home again. To the light.

It's not just a picture. It's a story.

The Long and Winding Weekend

We spent most of the weekend at my mother-in-law's house on the Chesapeake Bay. Here's a picture of the private pier. The figure at the end is my middle child with the family sitting around enjoying the beautiful weather while my husband fished. My husband is a fishing fanatic. He would rather fish than just about anything else in the whole world. When he night fishes, he fishes all night long. Even going so far as to pass out on the pier with his fishing rod still glued to his hands. Luckily the fishing gods were with us and so there was a whole lot of fish being caught at the pier today. Almost 90% of them caught by my 8 year old. She seems to have caught her daddy's fishing mania, and is already outfishing her daddy! The girl is a natural.

The long weekend also meant I got to read for fun. So I engulfed in one sitting Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner. Yeah, I know I'm late to this party but I loved this book! I was tearing and gasping and totally into this book. And when I was done, I thought to myself, "Self, your book is nowhere near as good as this book." And I felt blah for all of 30 minutes before I started kicking myself in the head trying to snap out of this morass of self-pity. This was actually a new experience and I don't know why it happened. I've read many great books while working on my book - some even similar to my book story - but they didn't cast me into a fit of depression. They didn't make me feel unworthy to have written a book. But why this particular book? Or was it maybe the timing? Was it because I was close to finished with my book and feeling particularly vulnerable? Nervous about actually being ready to start querying? I dont know what it was but it was such a particularly unpleasant sensation. As if someone told you your baby was butt ugly and then you realize they're indefensibly right.

It's been particularly hard because I've lately been editing off my husband's comments. I've asked him to be tough, and he is definitely being tough. He's caught alot of good changes and I know it will be so much better after his changes. But he is a slow reader, and he keeps falling asleep while reading my book. I get pages from him where the pen has leaked slowly into a pool of blue or black where he pressed the pen tip into the page as he dozed. Or where the pen leaves a large mark straight across the page where his hand slipped as he fell asleep. I keep getting these bits and pieces of my chapters every few days from him with visible signs of where he fell asleep and I keep thinking, boy I sure didn't write a page turner! Maybe I should remarket this as a cure for insomnia instead! I mean, he's only had it for all of 3 months now and he's given me back 4 chapters of a 17 chapter book. At this rate, I might be done next year.

Oh well, I guess I should be grateful that he is reading it at all.

And now for something completely different...

My sister-in-law sent me this article from the New Yorker titled

The Gospel of Debbie

. I hope no one is offended by the irreverence of the humor but I thought this was quite clever and funny and wanted to share. I especially love when Debbie and Mary Magdalene scream and talk about whether they like Jesus better when he's healing the lame or with a ponytail. I choked on this. Seriously - I was sucking on a Halls and I choked on it when I started laughing. Had to give myself the Heimlich and now my chest hurts too. So go read this, but don't have any hard candy or hot beverages around when you do. I'm warning you...

Tuesday Introspective

So I was thinking on Tuesdays which tend to be thoughtful days, I'd like to talk about things that people said that had the most impact on my life. Only with age have I truly learned the power of language and how it can affect a person's life, perhaps even the course of their life. Of course it isn't only what was said but how we respond to it that makes the greatest impact. And that is an important lesson because we can't control the things that people say to us, but we can control how we let it affect us.

Today I am thinking back a couple of years in the last week of my old job. I had given notice months ago and yet there was still so much to do, I was lingering in my old job until I finally had had enough and was making it clear I was leaving. I was talking to a colleague whom I shall refer to as Tony, because that is his name. So Tony was asking me what I planned on doing now that I was really quiting. He knew I had been working on my book for the past 5 years so I told him that I planned on taking a year to finally finish my book and try to get it published and because I had so many other ideas for books, perhaps if I was lucky I could make a career out of being a writer. His response was to roll his eyes, guffaw and say "Yeah, right! Keep dreaming!" You know it's funny but for a long time after he said that, I kept dreaming about this same conversation but instead of me shrugging it off, in my dream I keep punching him in the mouth.

Eventually, I stopped dreaming about punching him in the mouth and instead dreamt about actually publishing my book to great acclaim and inviting him to my book lauch party and laughing in his face while waving a stack of hundreds in his face. So unrealistic, I know, but I was dreaming, like he told me to. To some extent his disbelief in my ability fueled me to complete my book as much as my husband's terrific support in allowing me to stay home, helped me to achieve my goal. One positive and one negative all pushed me in the same direction. My husband kept encouraging me to finish, the negative comment gave me the anger to not give up. I finished my book back in June and have been editing ever since. I'm on what I hope is my final edits and plan to begin querying agents in the next month or so. There were so many moments that I nearly gave up. Who was I kidding? What agent or publisher would want my book? Who would ever want to read a World War II military drama about two soldiers written by a girl? All the positive encouragement of my husband and my writer's group would be a great help, of course, but sometimes just seeing Tony's smug face and hearing his mocking voice gives me the extra incentive to keep going. So the moral of the story has been that there is actually something positive that can be taken from the negative. And one day, who knows, maybe the dream will become a reality.

So please share with me those things, positive or negative, that has had an impact on you.

Da Man

You thought I'd post about my youngest, right? I will, but first I must post about my husband. He likes to be referred to as "Da Man." Sometimes I refer to him as "Dumb Man" and he will still respond. When I first married him, I thought he had a flushing problem cause he would always leave pee in the toilet. Confronting him about this situation Da Man admitted to a silly game he invented called pee racing. Apparently it involves flushing and peeing at the same time and trying to pee faster than the water flushes. He apparently lost. A lot. After stressing that the toilet seat must be returned in the proper position and flushing should occur after he has relieved himself, I hoped that this problem was solved. Thirteen years later, he's still pee racing and leaving the toilet seat up. To relieve some of my nagging, I had relegated him to his own bathroom downstairs, but he refuses to limit himself to his own space, instead determined to share himself with all four of the house toilets. He must be free to do his business whereever and whenever the need arises.

Da Man also suffers from foot in mouth disease. One of our babysitters is a young (early 20s) very attractive woman who used to be the preschool teacher for my older daughters. She recently informed us that she is engaged to be married. This reminds me of a situation that occurred last year. One night she had been babysitting and she had lost some weight and cut her hair. My husband enthusiastically complimented her with what I thought was overkill. AFter she went home I commented to my husband that she had looked great, to which he responded again with over enthusiastic abandon. Peeved I asked him if he thought she were prettier than me, to which he responded. "Well, she is really pretty, but she's no where near as pretty as you... when you were her age..." (Oh no he didn't!) There was absolute silence as hubby continued to watch another Dave Chapelle show episode for the 100th time. "When I was her age?" I asked. Da Man, still oblivious to the danger, "Yeah, you were way hotter than her when you were in your 20s." I slowly cracked my knuckles. "So, I was hot, but now I'm not?" Da Man, still watching the screen, "Not like you used to be." (Oh yes he did!!) All of a sudden he realized what he just said and turned to look at me. I think I must have looked like Medusa because I swear Da Man froze for a good solid minute. "Oh come on! I was just kidding! You know I think your hot! You are absolutely hot! Hotter than you ever were before. Honey?" You see, this is where Da Man becomes Dumb Man, because even if it is true, it's one of those things you don't say to the wife. A far more appropriate answer would have been, you were as pretty as she was when you were her age but prettier to me now more than ever. The issue isn't if I'm prettier than my babysitter, but am I still attractive to my husband. His answer made me feel that I no longer was.

When the Dumb man finally realized his mistake, it was too late to take back what he had said. The damage was done. I would await my moment of utter revenge. I thought, what would I do? He may find some of his fishing reels surprisingly low on line, his basketball sadly deflated, a small circular patch of baldness on the top of his head, none of them really appealed to me, except the shaving his head thing but that was too messy. So what could I do? It happened when we went to see the movie 300, which I loved. I love violent action movies not for the gratuitous violence, but for the rush of excitement from a well done battle scene, and 300 had great battle scenes. It also had the most beautiful 6 pack abs on that absolute beefcake Gerard Butler. I think I drooled my mouth dry staring at his body and admiring his overacting. The moment of revenge came when we walked out of the theater and I started loudly proclaiming my love for Gerard Butler's body. When Da Man started to look irritated, I said, "You know that actor is only a few years younger than you are." And patting Da Man's soft belly, I said, "maybe you should start working out again." I enjoyed watching him suck in his gut for the rest of the night! And I get the added benefit of watching him start back on his weight lifting regimen.
All that lifting apparently gives you brain damage. It must be why weight lifters are usually not the brightest bulbs. The blood drains out of their heads and into their bulging muscles straining against the heavy weights. Either that or there is another explanation for stupidity. August 20th was our 13th wedding anniversary. Apparently the tradition with the 13th anniversary is that you are supposed to forget all about it. Did you know that? I didn't either. So I thought I would see how long you were supposed to forget the 13th for. Turns out you forget it for as long as your wife doesn't remind you about it and then you panic like a little girl and run away to check the internet to see what nasty stuff your wife has blogged about you for your inexcusable lapse of judgment which was compounded by taking a defensive position and asking where his anniversary present was. Uhhhhhh, your anniversary present is that I didn't kill you after my third pregnancy. That present is a holdover until our youngest starts college. And even if I did have an anniversary present, I wouldn't give it to you because YOU FORGOT OUR ANNIVERSARY!

So I will enjoy thinking of all sorts of evil retaliatory measures I might dream up until such time as an appropriately acceptable diamond gift is received by me as is my due for having borne his children and stayed by his side through the good, the bad and the flatulent.

If you think of any good punishments, feel free to let me know!

The Middle Child

So since I wrote about my oldest, I feel obligated to write about all my kids and so I turn to my middle child. Oh my! Where do I begin? First of all, she is 6 and has the husky low voice of a life long cigar smoking granny. On top of that, the girl is an absolute goofball and has no filters on the things that come out of her mouth. She is the fun one and yet very sensitive. She makes me laugh harder than any millionaire comic out there. She is also the reason we don't go to public pools and locker rooms anymore.

I used to take the girls for swim lessons at the local Y. Since I am a fairly modest person, the girls are not used to seeing naked people walking around letting it all hang out. This was also the time that my middle child had gotten confused about what a 'tushie' was and had taken to calling the female frontal nether region as the 'tushie.' So here we are at the Y, I'm changing the girls out of their wet swimsuits and trying to safeguard my oldest girls privacy because she refused to change naked in the woman's locker room and I couldn't fit all 3 into the little changing room. So I'm manuevering her underneath a large towel while trying to keep an eye on the youngest who has decided to take everything out of my purse and dump it on the floor. Meanwhile my middle child is staring wide-eyed at something when all of a sudden she announces in a loud (I mean piercing!) hoarse voice "Mommy! that old lady has hair all over her tushie!" I was so startled, I dropped the towel causing my eldest child to shriek and I swivelled around to see my (at that time 5 year old) pointing at this poor woman who had just walked out of the shower. OK my first reaction is, "why don't you actually use the towel that you are draping so casually over your arm?" and then I grabbed her pointing arm and turned her away, chastising her for embarassing the poor woman. Fortunately, I don't think the woman understood any English and I was able to hustle the girls out before another unfortunate faux pas would be released.

Unfortunately this is not the last of her interesting faux pas. Recently, I took the girls to our local swimming pool since they had a week off from camp and I had finished teaching summer session. At the pool, there was a man who had sort of shaggy hair and a little bit of a paunchy belly. But he was unmistakably a man. Perhaps the confusion was that he was wearing a speedo which my girls have never seen on a man. American men don't tend to wear speedos and I think the last time I saw one was when I was in Miami.

So my middle child announces in her loud husky carrying voice, "Look! that woman forgot to wear her bathing suit top and is naked!" Her voice rose at the end so that 'naked' comes out in a near shout. I shushed her and whispered "No, he's a man." To which she replied, not in a whisper, "That can't be a man, she's got bigger boobies than you do Mommy!" I don't know who was more insulted me or the guy with the man boobies. I can't even begin to tell you how my humiliation was completed when I told her not to use that term and tried to explain to her that they were not the same as women's breasts when she nodded her head sagely and said "Oh, I get it! Those boobies have no milk in them!"

My daughter the 8 year old author

So I'm sure I am not alone in thinking my child is the smartest kid in the world. I mean what parent out there thinks "Boy that Junior of mine sure is an idiot, and ugly too!" Cause even if Junior ain't exactly Einstein, even though he might look like him, we, as parents, are gonna find the beauty in our children. At least, one would think.

I'm always amazed at how smart my children are and how they will surprise me with the things they say and do. Today is one of those days. My oldest daughter, who is 8, had made a little storybook out of multi-colored construction paper, beautifully illustrated in that special children's art way that always makes me smile. It was titled the "Flowerboy" and it is all about a little boy who always wanted to be a flowergirl but was told by adults that as a boy he couldn't be a flowergirl. So when his aunt gets married and he is made the ring bearer, he comes up with a funny scheme with the real flowergirl in order to make his wish come true. It was such a lovely story, it had such a wonderful message. It made me teary eyed and so proud to be her mother. I'm gonna have to find a way to get her book published, even if it is a vanity, because at 8 years of age, my daughter has reminded me why I love to read and write. In her I see myself, but better. She is a natural born storyteller. Must be in the genes!

School days, school days,

Good old fashioned rule days. Reading and writing and 'rithmetic,Taught to the tune of a hickory stick!

So summer is almost over and school is officially starting next week. Why does summer always feel so short? The week before school is always my craziest week. I take the kids out of camp so they can 'rest' and help me get ready for school as we sort out school supplies, clothing, athletic gear and all the other fun stuff this time of year entails. At the same time, I have to frantically prepare for my own classes which also start next week. I need another vacation!


I'm awash in a sea of paper, and it will only get worse. I had a whole month to prepare for classes, instead, I surfed the net clicking through link after link and finding ever more interesting blogs to read. And now I am scrambling once again. If procrastination is an American past time, then I am its reigning star. Only my husband is a worser procrastinator. I told him when he bought the fish tank that I would never clean it, repeat NEVER. He still bought it for the kids in order to hear the accolades of "Your the best dad!" That was back in January. He stocked it with fish and crabs that slowly died one by one until 2 remained. All because he procrastinated on cleaning the tank. Eight months later (this past weekend) after our oldest daughter complained that she couldn't take another fish dying, (neither could I since having to scoop up two bulging eyed dead fish was something I'm still nursing a grudge against my hubby on) he finally cleaned the tank. Hallelujah! Clean water in the tank! I have no idea how those 2 little white clouds have survived all this time but they sure are happy now. So hubby and girls went and bought a whole bunch of fish to kill off one by one again.

So one of the hallmarks of a procrastinator is also that they digress alot and tell pointless stories and blog about how much of a procrastinator they are. I'm just proving my point here. So all this procrastinating is bumming me out and yet I still can't get myself motivated. I need a good kick in the ass. Do any of you remember that Ebay listing for a good ass kicking fro 2001? For any of you who have never seen it, I have decided to post it here for your enjoyment...

Ebay
I will kick your ass.
Item # 1641798199

Winning bid receives an ass-kicking from me personally. I am 6'0" and weigh over 230 lbs. If you win this auction, I will personally come to your house and kick your ass. I guarantee that I will not break any bones or kill you, nor will I use any weapons on you, but I will give you a good beating. I will do this under two conditions:1) You or anyone else does not press charges against me(after all, you bought the ass-kicking),2) You do not fight back or attempt to physically harm me in any other manner (this is your ass getting kicked, not mine).Buyer provides round-trip plane ticket to the nearest airport, as well as cab fare to your house and back. If you are not close to an airport, you may provide me with a train ticket or other means of transportation. Do not pick me up, as I will be attacking you completely randomly. Buyer must also provide good, clear directions to their house, as well as any business expenses for if I need to stay in a hotel or buy food for myself during the trip. Most likely though I will just fly in, kick your ass, and then leave.Upon my arrival, I will select a random time to come over and kick your ass. It may be when you are sleeping, or showering, or any other time during the day/night when you are most vulnerable. During this beating I may damage one or more of your household items, if I have to break glass to get into your home or knock over furniture if you attempt to run from me. This should be expected by you, and covered in my expenses. If you are married or have children, I may choose to slap around your family a little bit, but only if I'm feeling particularly generous. They should be informed of this, and expect it as well. Bidding starts at one cent ($0.01) but remember the winner must pay all expenses for my travel if they wish for me to come and kick their ass. I will accept check, money order, or Paypal. Or you could just let me use your valid credit card for a few days and we'll call it even.

Oh yeah, this is still funny reading it again. But definitely sounds too violent for a big wuss like me. Think I'll kick my own ass and get to work!

Pucca Love!

This is my children's favorite cartoon. A huge hit in Asia, this Korean animated series is only now making waves in the states. Pucca is a little girl with super strength who loves passionately a ninja boy. Just watching her chase and catch her little boyfriend is too cute. I'm going to change my profile picture from my daughter to Pucca. Recently read an article about posting pics of your kids on the net and how dangerous it might be. Knowing these reasons I had deliberately picked a cute picture of my youngest playing peek-a-boo, so that her face was concealed. But after reading Bernita's blog post over at "An Innocent A-Blog" (don't know how to link in a post yet - need to learn!), I've rethought it and am going to change it.

The internet has changed the world in so many ways. But one thing it has done for good and bad is the level of dissemination of information into the world. Once posted on the net, you will never know where your item could end up. The ramifications of that are troubling given that we do not live in a land of milk and cookies. After realizing how little control I would have over pictures of myself and my children, I decided that the best thing for me to do was not to post them at all. So I'm changing my avatar to something safe to keep my child's picture, albeit a hidden one, away from the unknown.

Cell phone and public bathroom?!!

So I was at Barnes and Nobles today and had to use the ladies room where I encountered the weirdest behavior. A short line was waiting for one of the 4 stalls to open up and we realized that a woman in one of the stalls was talking quite loudly on the phone. And it sounded like a business call!! She was clearly a real estate agent trying to set up someone's closing. But doing business in a public bathroom stall? It gets worse! There was a maladorous funk in the air which people were attributing to the talker. Clearly she didn't want to flush while she was on the phone but we were all subjected to her stench! It finally ended when a woman in the stall next to her banged on the wall and said, "Hey, you on the phone! Flush already! You're killing us all here!"

The bathroom got really quiet except for a few snickers that snuck out. We women on line bit our lips not to laugh. The line kept moving, but the talker had stopped talking. But for the sound of a flush, she was utterly still and silent. Even after I was done and I came out to wash my hands, she stayed put in her stall. All I could see were black shoes and hose, the kind that my mother would wear to work. She had sounded older, with a heavy accent I couldn't really place. I started feeling real bad for her. Humiliated by her own stupidity. Cause you have to admit, taking a business phone call in a public stall while you are doing your business has to be some kind of stupid. Yeah, she was loud and obnoxious, yeah she was rude and offensive. But now all I could think about was how mortified she must be. She never did come out for the ten minutes I hung around in the book shelves nearby. I'm sure she learned her lesson, but at what price?