Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 45

The problem with middle school is that they make them carry way too much stuff to school and back everyday. Oldest's backpack feels like it weighs 20 pounds. She also has to carry her violin to and from school everyday. That means the poor girl suffers from back strain and exhaustion by the time she gets home. So she really doesn't need to bear any additional weight in her bags.

So today, Oldest gets off the bus and stomps over to me fuming mad.

Me - What happened?

Oldest - One of your daughters stuck this into the bottom of my backpack. (She pulls out a 5 pound hand weight and shoves it at me.)

Me - OMG! (starts laughing hysterically.)

Oldest - It's not funny! Stop laughing! You should feel sorry for me!

Me - I do! This is terrible and really really mean. But it's really really funny too.

Oldest - Mom, they clearly have your sense of humor.

Me - Yes, but don't tell them I laughed. (My money at this time is on Angus.)

So Angus comes home and I immediately ask her if she was the guilty one. She admitted it and asked why I was mad. When I told her Oldest had carried it all day, she was horrified.

Angus - But why didn't she take it out?

Me - Her bag was already heavy and she was in a rush. She didn't realize.

Angus - Well then she's an i-

Me (sharply) - Hey!

Angus - Sorry, Mom. I know that was bad and I feel bad about it, but I really want to laugh too. But you're not laughing and so I know I shouldn't. Is it wrong that I think it's funny?

Me - It's funny after the fact but it wasn't funny for her carrying it all day.

Angus - (hangs her head) I'm really sorry. I'll go talk to her. But even though you are very serious, I bet you're going to laugh about it. Too bad I can't.

With a heavy sigh, she turns to go to her sister's room and I listen to her apologize and make up with her sister. She can laugh about it soon enough. But for now, I'm realizing how fast they are all growing up and it makes me sigh too.

Don't forget to enter my contest of funny overheard things. We've had some amazing snort milk through my nose entries so far. Let's get some more!

Also, you can enter Cindy Pon's fabulous Soulless contest for a chance to win a set of awesome steampunk books!

Prizes for the What's the Funniest Thing you've overheard Contest

So I was trying to figure out prizes for my contest and I didn't have to look too far to figure out what I wanted to give out because I have a big pile of brand new, never read, books that I'm offering up for best prize! The winner will get to pick 4 books from the following offerings:








And why do I have a bunch of brand new, never read books of this marvelous caliber? Simple, I won a signed copy of A Conspiracy of Kings which is not up for grabs, no, no, no. That's mine. So I'm offering up the copy I had bought previous to winning the awesome signed copy which, I repeat, is not up for grabs. I bought the new version of Magic under glass to support books with persons of color on them. The copy I make available is the original one, which some might say may become valuable in its own right. Hmmmm. But here it is! And I was fortunate enough to get a brand new kindle from my lovely sister and brother-in-law. I love my kindle. I went a little crazy with my kindle and bought a bunch of titles without checking to see if I might already have owned such titles already. Hey, don't laugh! At least I have an excuse in saying that it is a different version - an e-book version. Unfortunately, I also have a tendency to go to the bookstore and accidentally buy books I already have also. Ahem. Yes, I'm absent-minded. But that is good for you guys!

So I have a bunch of entries already and I'll extend out the contest til next Monday. Leave your funniest thing overheard in the post below. After Monday, I'll narrow it down to a list of my favorites and have people vote on the winner.

The winner will get to choose 4 out of 5 because 4 is easier to ship than 5. Everyone can enter, but be warned, if you are outside of the US and you win, it may take awhile to get to you!

And just because you have these books already is no reason not to enter. I will gladly donate the books to a school or organization or even send it as a present to someone on your behalf! This prize is completely transferable, with my approval.

So good luck everyone and start eavesdropping!

Whats the funniest thing you've overheard - contest

I was at Barnes and Noble browsing when I overheard the following conversation between two old ladies.

First old lady - These young people are so rude these days!

Second old lady - Tell me about it

First old lady - I mean people don't even respect church anymore. During last mass, this young man sitting next to me left his phone on the pew and it started ringing and vibrating. I mean the thing is vibrating so much it damn near falls off the bench! And this man takes his sweet little old time before he finally turns it off. And right during the homily of all things!

Second old lady - (tut tuts and shakes her head disapprovingly) Disgraceful! Simply disgraceful!

First old lady - So I say to him. I'd tell you to shove that thing where the sun don't shine but I do believe you'd enjoy it too much!

Both ladies start cackling and so do I. I just love eavesdropping.

So what's the funniest thing you've overheard? Share it here and I'll enter you in to win a prize. I don't know what the prize is and I don't know how the funniest thing will be chosen just yet, but I'm in the mood for a contest.

Let the hilarity begin!

Back to School

Oldest is now in middle school. Da Man and I went to Back to School night and was blown away by the stress of shuffling through a huge building with only 4 minutes between classes to get from one room to another in a crazy attempt to follow Oldest's typical day schedule. Wow! Poor kid has classes all over the building. I was huffing and puffing trying to get through the crowds of parents, trying not to get lost, in order to get to the class in time and listen to what was no more than a 7 minute teacher presentation. Several times I left Da Man way behind and he would shuffle into class late. This is where the difference between a New Yorker and a Marylander is strongest. I walk fast. Da Man meanders. Drives me crazy.

So I was in math class, sitting in a small desk chair and feeling like I was back in middle school when Da Man saunters in late and sits in the next row over. As I tried to take notes of what was expected with regards to homework, tests, etc. I hear a "Pssssst" and Da Man passes me the following note:



I did the same thing that I would have done in middle school. I stuck my tongue out at him.

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 44

Sometimes when I drive, the Brooklyn in me just comes out. Like the other day. I've got the green light and I'm making a right turn. I have right of way. But the idiot girl coming from the other direction making a left turn seems to disagree. I drive a big ass minivan. She drives a small hatchback. When I make a right turn, I have to go into the middle lane, I'm just too big to fit nicely into the right lane. If you are going to make a left turn while someone is making a right turn, then the rules of the road dictate that you hug the left lane because you technically don't have right of way. She did not. She swung all the way over to the right lane (3 lanes over!!!) and came within a hairs breath of smashing into me.

I lost it and the Brooklyn in me came out. Unfortunately all 3 girls were in the car at the time. Oldest, who sits in the 3rd row, quickly leans forward and covers Youngest's ears while Angus starts laughing hysterically.

Angus - Mommy, you said the F word, the B word, the S word and some words I never heard before!

Oldest - Daddy's going to be so mad at you.

Youngest - No fair! I didn't hear nothing!

Angus - You're too little. Mommy's mouth is now rated R for restricted.

Youngest - What does that mean?

Angus - It means if little kids hear her bad words Mommy will get arrested!

Youngest gasps loudly - Mommy's going to be arrested?

Angus - Only if we tell on her. (Rubs her hands gleefully.) Now she'll have to be nice to us.

Youngest - Yeah, we don't have to clean our rooms no more!

Oldest - You dopes. It doesn't mean she's going to be arrested. It just means little kids can't see an R movie without an adult.

Angus (whispering to Youngest) - She always spoils our fun.

Youngest - We should call her one of those words Mommy used.

Me - DON'T YOU DARE!!!

First day of school!

Free at last! Free at last!

The house is so quiet I can actually hear myself think. Unfortunately, the only thought going through my head is "Go back to bed!" But that just isn't very productive. Besides the fact that I have to get ready for my own semester to start up again this week. Freedom is so short-lived. Already I'm fielding emails before the semester even begins from nervous students. I'm bracing myself for the onslaught of excuses, favors, extensions, whining, complaining, etc.

And it's not even September yet.

Now I can't wait for December.

Freedom is a relative thing.

But at least the kids are in school.

Sigh. I miss them.

Mockingjay

Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

12:01AM Mockingjay released out into the world.


8:30AM Began frantically checking Amazon shipping to see if they'd shipped my copy yet. No, they had not.

9:00AM Had work related call. Every 15 mins, checked Amazon status. Still not shipped.

12:00PM Done with work. Checked Amazon. Not shipped. I begin grinding my teeth.

12:30PM - 3:30PM Took all 3 girls out for lunch and haircuts. Back to back haircuts. At 2 different salons. Check status on iphone. Still not shipped. I begin to fume.

4:00PM Home again. Checked Amazon. Not shipped yet. Begin to curse wildly under my breath. Girls still hear me and threaten to tell Da Man. I bribe them with Hawaiian Shaved Ice which is conveniently located in front of the bookstore. They agree.

4:05PM Cancel my Amazon order and race to bookstore to pick up my copy of Mockingjay. Oldest demands she reads it first. I laugh in her face. She threatens to tell Da Man. I don't care.

4:30PM Buy girls Shaved Ice and try to read first chap as they drip sticky goo onto my flip flops. I don't care. But when gooey drops threaten the pristine pages of my book, I reluctantly put it away and start harassing girls to eat faster.

5:30PM Finally get home. Race upstairs. Lock my door and begin reading.

6:30PM Girls begin whining that they are hungry. I ignore them.

7:00PM Girls threaten to breakdown my door. Da Man is working late so can't make him do it. I reluctantly put down book and make dinner as fast as I can.

7:30PM Made dinner. Want to read. Girls demand I stay and eat with them. Grrrrr.

8:00PM Girls keep asking me to do stuff for them. I get snippy. They get whiny and start fighting. I get yelly. They start crying. I sit and watch a movie with them and eat popcorn while they cuddle up to me.

9:00PM Can no longer tolerate another Disney moment. Order girls to bed, abandon them and race up to finish Mockingjay. Da Man comes home and sees cover. Makes mad grab for it. I nearly bite his finger off. He demands to read it next. Oldest hears, runs over screaming that she's next. I shove them both out and lock door.

10:30PM Finally done. Emotionally spent. Keep rereading final chapter to make sure I didn't miss anything. Can't believe it is done. Can't believe the Hunger Games are over.

What do I have to look forward to now?

Well, Suzanne Collins has written the screenplay adaptation for the Hunger Games movie and Lionsgate announced that they hope to begin filming in February of 2011. With Suzanne Collins attached firmly, it seems the movie should stay true to the series and that makes it something worth looking forward to.

2011? Can't wait!

The Last Empress of Korea

One of my favorite parts of the writing process is the research process. I am a total geek at heart and I adore libraries. The best part about being a faculty member of a university is that you have a fantastic university library at your fingertips. It's like manna from heaven! So for the new WIP, I'm working on late 19th century Korea where the Hermit Kingdom was just beginning to open its doors to Europe and America, and the royal government was divided into 3 factions led by Queen Min, King Kogjong and the Daewongun (the King's father who had ruled as regent). These factions were split along pro-Japanese and pro-Chinese lines but it was the Queen's power that intrigued me the most.

Queen Min's life is one of those historical tragedies that had incredible significance in the world but remains largely unknown. There are many factors to it, the largest one being that she was brutally assassinated by the Japanese government who then did everything in their power to vilify her name and eradicate her contribution to history. They went so far as to destroy any and all paintings and photographs of the late queen. All that is left are a few photographs and paintings that may or may not be the queen.

Recently discovered illustration depicting the Japanese Minister
conversing with King Kojong and Queen Min.
From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Fuuzokugahou-Myeongseong.gif

She was known for her open hatred and distrust of the Japanese, afraid that Japan was only out to conquer Korea and bleed it of its resources and people. She was right. But she was smart enough not to trust the Chinese either. Because she felt Korea was in a perilous position, she encouraged Russian involvement in Korea and opened the doors to the US and Europe. Although a devout Buddhist, she showed a high degree of religious tolerance which allowed a new wave of Christian missionaries access to the once closed country. This was in direct contrast to her father-in-law, the Daewongun, who killed thousands of Korean Catholics during his reign as Regent.

The king was a mild, kind man who was weak and ineffectual as a ruler. It was well known that the true power lay first with the Daewongun and then with the Queen. In fact it was the Queen who had the Daewongun removed from power. This led to years of assassination attempts that included an exploding box that killed the queen's closest relative, poison attempt of the queen, and attempted kidnapping. It wasn't until Daewongun collaborated with the new Japanese Minister to Korea that his assassination attempts were finally successful.

On October 8th, 1895, pro-Japanese collaborators allowed 50 armed Japanese men into the palace compound where they killed several women before dragging the queen into the courtyard, hacking her with sabres, sexually violating her, and then finally setting fire to her body.

There are many who speculate that World War II (at least on the Pacific front) might not have happened if the Queen had not been assassinated. It was her increasing encouragement of Russia that prompted Japan to have her killed. Had she survived and had she successfully manipulated the foreign governments interested in Korea, she would have kept Japan out of Korea and Japan would not have grown into the unchecked super power that it did. For when Japan colonized Korea, it took all of Korea's resources and sent it to Japan, enriching the lives of the Japanese while impoverishing the Koreans. (Much is made of the fact that Japan did help modernize Korea also, but a strong case could be made for the fact that such modernization would have occured naturally, like it did in Japan, with the opening of Korean's doors the international world.)

As you can see, I'm enthralled with this topic. It is this history that will play the background to my new speculative fiction WIP. I just hope that others will find this history as fascinating as I do. But one thing is for sure, I'm going to have a blast writing it!

Douchebag juniors

So today I was out with my 3 girls, my niece and my mother-in-law. Because we had no power, we went to Nordstroms at the mall to shop. All 4 girls love the little jewelry accessories that are in the kid's section of the store. But before I would buy them anything, we stopped by the ladies room, which is in the children's section. It has a large lounge area, a separate breastfeeding room and then the toilets. We walked into the ladies lounge and I stopped short when I heard a male voice. I turned and saw a teenage girl sitting on the lap of a teenage boy, in the women's restroom lounge. They were flirting in the ladies room. First of all, yuck. If you're gonna flirt, why the ladies room? Second of all, WTF? You're fooling around in the goddamn ladies room!!!

I walked over to them and said, "Excuse me, but this is the ladies room and you shouldn't be in here." I actually said this in an apologetic manner.

The girl said to me "Do you work here?"

I immediately knew where this was going. "It doesn't matter if I work here or not, he shouldn't be in here."

The girl got real nasty and said loudly, "Did I stutter? I asked if you worked here?!"

"No," I said.

"Then mind your own 'expletive' business!"

I smiled very wide and said "Why don't I get someone who does work here instead, then?"

I stepped out and yelled, "There's a teenage boy in the ladies restroom, please have someone escort him out!"

Realizing that they would be in trouble, the teenagers walked out. The girl gave me a dirty look and called me something that rhymed with plucking witch and threw some other words in there that I won't bother to rhyme at this time.

To which I replied, "Girl, do you really think I give a crap what you call me? As long as you and your little boyfriend are out of here, I don't care."

At this point the security guard had reached them and he started yelling at them.

My mother-in-law, who was with the girls, was in shock. She couldn't believe how rude and nasty this 16 or 17 year old girl had been to me. "The sad thing is," she said. "I bet that she talks to her parents that way also."

Yep, I would bet a lot of money that she does. This is not the first time, nor will it be the last that I run into such nasty behavior from the young. For some reason, this particular area I live in is filled with overprivileged, spoiled, disrespectful douchebags. They start as young as three. I still remember the shock I felt when I watched this mom let her 3 year old smear mashed potatoes and ketchup all over the mirrored walls of a Chicken Out restaurant. The mom didn't stop her, just kept talking to her friend and ignored her kid, even when the kid started screaming for ice cream. At one point the kid screamed so loud, the entire restaurant went dead silent and everyone stared. The mom still didn't do a damn thing. When she finally left, I felt terribly sorry for whoever would have to clean up the humongous Picasso like creation on the mirrors.

I actually think that there are more good kids out there than bad. But the bad ones are so incredibly bad that they stand out like a big ass mole with hairs on the tip of your nose. And the sad thing is that it isn't there fault. Parents have to take responsibility for raising spoiled children who are so self-indulged that they believe they can do anything without consequences and be rude to anybody. It's a sad situation. When I was growing up, I would have been punished severely for being disrespectful to another person. Nowadays kids regularly mouth off at anyone. These Junior douchebags will turn into full sized douchebags and fill the world with their douchebaggery.

So my question is, do we have an obligation to point out douchebag behavior to them and their parents? We have to live with them. They are part of our society. If their parents aren't going to call them out for bad behavior, should we? And what are the repurcussions of that? Can we go around calling kids douchebags? I kind of like that idea, but then are we worsening the problem? I'm not sure what the answer is. But it seems that we are seeing a generation of possibly the most spoiled children ever. What will happen when they grow up? Should we be scared? I kind of am.

Bear Country

We are in Wintergreen Resort, Virginia. It's beautiful and the weather is perfect. It's 80 but not hot. It feels wonderful after the oppressive heat and humidity in DC. The only problem is that we are in bear country and the girls are terrified of bears. I blame Animal Planet.

The girls watched an episode of "When Animals Attack" where a black bear kills and eats two people and goes on a rampage and attacks several others in a Canadian hot springs Mountain resort. The worst part of the show was that they did graphic re-enactments and did the part where the bear apparently begins to eat the people while they are still alive. Why did I let the girls watch this show? I was working on my laptop and the girls like to watch some pet dog show on Animal Planet. By the time I realized what they were watching the damage was done. The girls were officially scared of being attacked by bears.

So Da Man gets the girls up and announces that we are going on a hike. The girls freak and panic and insist that they are not going on any hikes because the bears might eat them. Da Man laughs at them and says we're not going to see any bears.

"Oh yeah? Check this out!" Angus turns on the resort channel that is playing a segment all about bears and how some bears have been known to come right up into people's houses.

"Don't worry, we won't see any bears," he blusters.

"Oh yeah? What about the sign on the trash can?" Oldest asks.



"We are not going to see any bears on our hike!" Da Man yells.

"But what if we do?" Angus whimpers.

"Don't run," he said. "Unless it chases you. Then you need to climb a tree. But then some bears can climb trees."

"Nice job, Einstein," I say as the girls begin to howl in fright.

Lend a Helping Hand

Hey guys,

The Monday post is below for the regular Random Funny Things my Kids say. However, before you scroll down, can you take a moment to read a note from my friend and fabulous author Erica Orloff about helping out another friend of ours. Thanks so much:

In this little corner of the blogworld, most of us are book lovers. Book lovers and writers, people who say, "I've been writing stories since I could hold a pen," or "I was the kid holding the flashlight under the covers and reading past bedtime." In this little corner of the blogworld, we've also watched out for our own.

Merry Monteleone (Mom and More) and her family were in the midst of raging flood waters in Westchester when heavy rains hit Chicago. The contents of the downstairs of her house were lost, and though it's just "stuff" (lives were lost in the flooding), most of us can imagine how it would feel to watch photo albums and meaningful memories wrapped up in the "stuff" of our families . . . be carried off.

While big "stuff" can be replaced with insurance, Merry lost all her books, and a group of us decided to replace them--with Amazon gift cards, with books, with signed copies of books, with ARCs. We want to see the blogosphere flood her mailbox with good wishes and replace her library. If you love books and your TBR pile is as tall as you are, you know what they mean to her.

What can you do? Send books! Send Amazon cards! Reach out to your favorite authors and ask them to send her a signed copy! For her address or more information, contact:

erica@ericaorloff.com

She has three children middle school and younger. Their books were in their bedrooms and most survived, but it would be great to get some books just for them, too!

Namaste!

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 43

We were in Toys R Us Times Square so that Angus could spend her birthday money.

Oldest - So what do you want to buy?

Angus - The only thing I want is an Edward doll. (Angus has a crush on Robert Pattinson of Twilight). I want to kiss him and tuck him in to bed at night. But I'm afraid my lips are too big for his head.

Oldest - Ewwww, the doll looks creepy.

Angus - Don't say mean things about my boyfriend! Ewwwww, you're right, he is creepy!
Can I get a Cedric doll instead? (Robert Pattinson first played Cedric on Harry Potter.)

Oldest - I don't think they have Cedric dolls.

Angus - (sighs deeply) My heart is broken. I'll never be happy again.

Me - Who wants ice cream?

Angus - ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEEEEEEEE!

If only broken hearts could always be healed by ice cream.

Please don't call me Oriental

The other day an old man made a comment to me that my oriental children were well mannered. I said thank you and tried not to let the oriental comment bother me. After all, he is from a different generation where oriental was the correct term to use for Asians. But it got me to thinking about the word and why it bothered me and I started doing some research and stumbled upon a forum with over 10 pages of back and forth on why it was insulting or why it was ridiculous. And the one comment that really upset me was when someone said "Oriental offensive? Since when did we let foreigners dictate how to use our language?"

It is a telling comment. Its roots based in the notion that Asians are foreigners. The term "oriental" comes from the "orient" which refers to the east. A term that was based on the Eurocentric belief that the Orient was a barbaric and exotic place east of Europe. It is why the word itself is considered derogatory, for it casts "orientals" as different, as foreigners. And when you think of yourself as American, being reminded that you are "foreign" hurts.

When I first started having conversations about race with my children, they would ask me if they should tell people they are Korean. I said no, you say you are American. "But I can't say that," my then 6 year old said. "They say I don't look American." I think as a parent, there are moments that just break your heart because you want to protect your children from the harsh realities of life and you find that you just can't.

The reality is that my kids, me, my sister, my husband - we are as far from being Korean as we are from being Egyptian or Russian. We might look like a Korean and pass for one on the streets of Seoul, but as soon as we open our mouths, our Americanism pours right out. Not just in what we say or how we say it. But in how we think, walk, laugh, carry ourselves, etc. For someone to say "You're not American because you don't look like one." Well then, you might as well strip us of our complete identity. It's like every time someone shouts out "Go back to your own country!" Something inside of us dies just a little bit.

This past spring, youngest came home from kindergarten deeply upset. When I asked her what was wrong, she explained that she was sitting at lunch with 2 of her friends H and M, who are both blond and blue-eyed. Two boys were sitting across from them and were commenting on how pretty H and M are, listing how pretty their eyes were and their long hair, etc. They then turned to youngest and began to comment on how ugly she was in comparison. Youngest was devastated. I was proud of her for standing up to them. Telling them to stop or she would move to another table. When they didn't stop, she made good on her threat and moved away. I was proud of her for taking a stand, but my heart broke for her. She asked me if she really was ugly because she didn't have blonde hair and blue eyes. "No," I said, "you are beautiful inside and out but some people just are blind and can't see a diamond shining so bright in front of them. But that's ok. It's their loss so don't even waste your time thinking about them."

Even in kindergarten, children learn to recognize differences and to comment on them. While I did call the school and had the teacher have the boys apologize to youngest, can we really blame children for deep rooted societal prejudices? They told youngest she was ugly because she was different. Her eyes were different, her cheeks were different, even the one asymmetric dimple she has was different. I told her different is good. I hope she remembers that and never lets this become insecurity.

Many people complain that we've become so PC that we can't say anything for fear of someone getting offended. To some extent, I agree with that and I don't ask for people to be so careful with their words. But ultimately it isn't the words that hurt but the intent behind them and sometimes the words themselves become synonymous with the intent. Calling someone oriental or making chinky eyes might not have been made with a racist intent, but the word and the action have become synonymous with an intent to be racist. So why use them? Yes we are different and I truly believe different is good. But when these differences are used as a way to stereotype people negatively, it becomes racism.

So please, don't call me oriental. I am no devious, slant-eyed, exotic foreigner that speaks cryptically of ancient Chinese secrets. That stereotype needs to die. Help me kill it once and for all.

K-Pop Time!!

Ok it's that time of year where I decide to let you all in on a K-pop video cause I know you aren't getting your Korean pop music fix anywhere else. Ha!

Last year I brought you the Wonder Girls. This year I give the boys a chance to shine. Here's the biggest boy band you'll ever see - Super Junior, or SuJu. Biggest as in they have 10 boys of varying hotness in the band and they can all dance and sing.

So this is Bonamana, they're latest song. It has a good dance beat although it gets a little too electropoppy for me. But damn if it isn't fun watching these boys dance.



If the video is cut off on side, it's cause its HD. Just click on it and it'll take you to the Youtube page.

CinderZombie

Hi guys! Sorry I've been such a bad blogger. It's hard to blog when all 3 aliens are home from school and are not in summer camp. What kind of stupidity is this, you ask? Yes, I was suckered into not sending them to camp by illogical arguments and the use of the sad eyes.


For some reason, Angus and youngest do not like summer camp. Too energetic, they claim. Lazy bums. Oldest is the only one a little bummed out about not going to camp but I've been filling their days with the pool, museums, zoos, movies, playdates, and popsicles. Between constantly entertaining them, feeding them, driving them, feeding them, breaking them up, feeding them, etc. - I barely have time for myself. And because the summer hours have them staying up later, they are cutting into my valuable writing time at night. This is all my excuse for being a bad blogger.

So lately they've been on a zombie drawing kick. If you've seen me on twitter, you've probably seen me uploading pictures of fat zombie, soccer zombie, and my favorite - the Hasidic Jew zombie. But I do think the best of the bunch was this one - Cinderzombie by Angus.

Angus tells me that before Cinderzombie became a zombie, she was a girl named Fred who was terribly ugly. That's why she had a beard. She had 2 beautiful sisters named Bob and Jerry and her mother was named Petunia. One day Fred made the biggest mistake in her life when she accidentally spilled mayo on Bob's shirt and Bob was so mad at Fred that Bob told Jerry and Jerry told Petunia and they were all so mad at Fred and made her do chores all day. One day there was a ball with a handsome prince named Prince Sally (I'm not making these names up - this is all from Angus). Bob told Fred she was too ugly to go to the ball. Which was true, but Fred thought Hey maybe the prince isn't so handsome. But then she saw a picture of Prince Sally and thought "Man is he cute!" So Fred thought again and just did chores and chores and chores and chores and chores...

Fred was crying on her staircase, if she even had one, and then Poof! the magic weasel named Weasel appeared. And Weasel was holding Fred on his lap but then Fred crushed Weasel since he was much smaller than Fred's butt. When Weasel could breathe again he said "I'll grant you any wish you want!" Fred said "I really want to go to the ball." And Weasel said "Uh, isn't there anything else?" Weasel slapped himself on the face and thought "Man this girl is hideous!" and wondered if he had enough magic to make her beautiful for the ball. But all Weasel could do was put her in a pretty dress, hairy legs, beard and everything.

Fred was so excited and went to the ball. At the ball, people fainted at how ugly Fred was but Fred didn't notice because she wanted to meet the prince. When she finally met Prince Sally, her approach chased away all the pretty girls who were hanging all around the prince. Prince Sally turned to Fred and said "Hey thanks a lot! You saved me from being bored to death! Do you want to dance?" The Prince and Fred spent the whole night dancing cause Fred's ugliness kept all the other girls away. But the Prince and Fred talked a lot because they had so much in common like their love of basketball and burping. And the Prince thought Fred was actually quite cute.

Then the clock struck midnight and Fred was going to run away, but then the zombie invasion occurred and everyone got turned into zombies. But Fred was quite happy to be a zombie because it turned out Fred was the prettiest zombie in the world.

The End.

Tale of Iroh

I think most of you know how I feel about the new Last Airbender movie. Do I feel vindicated that it has one of the worst ratings with both critics and viewers alike? Hell yes! But the movie still did surprising well in the box office. Does that make me feel good? Hell no!

The thing is, I don't want this film to do well. I don't want Shamalama to make another Avatar film. Does that make me mean and vindictive? Well, I don't really care. Whitewashing is racist. The fact that the whitewashing was done by a minority director doesn't make it any less racist. It makes it just sad. And the fact that he rests his laurels on the fact that the movie has one of the most diverse casts of any Hollywood movie? Well sir, I hate to point out that you are still confirming the Hollywood idea that a minorities in main character roles cannot carry a film. And everytime someone says "Well it's anime and the eyes are definitely not Asian and Aang looks white and it's an American production..." I just want to punch them in the face and shove bamboo slivers under their nails. Guys - when the show opens, it uses Chinese characters in correlation with the themes of Air, Fire, Water and Earth. They use Asian sounding names. They wear Asian clothing. They live in houses with hanji or shoji - paper covered windows and doors. They use chopsticks when they eat. Need I go on?

But I'm tired of all this crap. Let's celebrate the original series which is an extraordinary animated series that will go down in history as one of the best ever created. Here is a clip from my favorite episode with my favorite character voiced by the fabulous Mako Iwamatsu who passed away after the second season. You don't need any backstory to be touched by this scene. And it makes me cry every time I watch it.

Favorite Google commercial

I guess because I am a child of immigrant parents, this google commercial really gets to me. Or maybe I'm just a sap.



Stolen from the angry asian man blog.

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 42

Overheard this conversation:

Angus (middle child who is now 9) to Youngest (who is 6)

Angus - "Look, if you have to pick your nose while we are out, make sure to use the hand sanitizer afterward." (I always carry hand sanitizer in my purse.)

Youngest - "What if there's no more?"

Oldest (who is now 11) - "Then don't pick your nose. It's disgusting!"

Angus (whispering) - "Don't listen to her. Everyone picks their nose. That's why your own finger fits in your own nose perfectly." To demonstrate, Angus holds up her finger to Youngest's tiny little nostril. "See, my finger's too big for your nose but yours is just right. Oh but now you got a boogie on my finger. Quick get the hand sanitizer!"

Oldest - "I just don't understand how you guys are related to me."

Random Funny Things My Mom Says - Part 8

The aliens and I are in NYC visiting my parents. As usual my Mom decideed to subtly comment on my weight. We were walking outside to take the aliens to the pier, when my mother turned to look at me and sighed. "Girls, do you know what is the one thing I wish for the most in life?"


Angus - "To win a million dollars?"


Oldest - "That the republicans were back in office?"


Youngest - "That we get a puppy?"


After she poo poohed everything but the republicans comment, she pointed at me and said "I wish someone would put your Mom on a makeover show so that she can be beautiful again."


As I began to choke on my gum, they all turned to look at me. I was wearing a gray t-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops. My hair was wet and the only makeup I ever wear is eyeliner. If it were cold out, I'd probably have a hoodie on. But it was over 90 degrees out and muggy so I was already starting to sweat and get red in the face. I growled menacingly at all of them. No one said another word. Score 1 for Mom.


Later that day my Mom told me that since it was Father's day, we should go buy a watermelon for my dad. "Besides, watermelon is good for your diet," she said.


So we walked over to the local Fairway supermarket which is about a brisk 10 minute walk over on Broadway. My parents have a car in their building's garage, but since we are walking I'm envisioning cubed watermelon in plastic containers or maybe even a pre-sliced quarter of watermelon. I've got my reusable shopping bag in my purse that I carry everywhere so I feel confident that I can carry some watermelon back. But when we get to the supermarket, my Dad bypassed the cut up squares and the presliced watermelon and goes to pick up a big ol' watermelon.


The thing had to be at least 10 to 20 lbs but felt like 50! It was so big it didn't fit in my reusable shopping bag!!! The sales clerk doubled up the plastic bags, but they're so flimsy I had no choice but to carry this behemoth like a baby in my arms for 5 blocks and 2 avenues. For those of you who don't know what a NYC avenue is like - well it is the equivalent of 3 regular city blocks. I carried that thing for exactly 0.7 miles. I checked google maps. Sweat poured down from my hair like I was caught in the middle of a tropical monsoon. My face was magenta and had a little pig built a house out of straw or sticks, I would have easily blown that sucker down with all my huffing and puffing. My arms felt like they were being pulled from their sockets and my legs had turned to lead. Even the aliens buzzed about me sympathetically but were of no help.


As we neared home, I said to my mother, "This better be the most delicious watermelon in the world!"


To which she responded, "Even if it isn't, I told you it was good for your diet!"


A terrible suspicion gripped me. "Is this what you meant by the watermelon diet?!!!"


My mom laughed, "I bet you lost 3 lbs today carrying that thing home!"


Torturous woman 2 points + 10 for sheer evilness
Dummy carrying a hugeass watermelon 0 points


I've decided to trademark the watermelon diet and make a billion dollars selling watermelons in slings for people to carry around everyday. I'll call it the "My Mom is trying to kill me" diet. And I'm sure it will be a bestseller.

Day 1 - The Invasion

The aliens have landed, released from the mother school-ship, they will descend upon me like the hounds of hell. They will demand constant attention. They will eat ravenously but never be full. They will watch annoying television shows with bad theme songs. They will listen to horrible teeny bop music. They will demand to invite more aliens to torture me. They will make terrible messes. They will leave foul odors. They will . . .

They're her e . ..

H E L P M E H E L P M E H E L P M E H E L P M E H E L P M E H E L P M E H E L . . .

Good news!

So I've got some good news that I've been really eager to share with you all but I've been waiting to make it official. Well, now that the contracts are signed, it's official! I've signed with Joe Monti of Barry Goldblatt Literary!

It's been hard keeping quiet. I think I would have even gone longer but I found out that my lovely Inkies had spilled the news this past Saturday on the Enchanted Inkpot. he he. It's funny cause I read that post and somehow completely missed my own news. Too much bouncing off the walls I guess.

It was an incredible experience for me because I had the amazing good fortune to receive 4 offers of representation from amazing agents, any one of which I would have been extremely happy to sign with. I had 4 fantastic conversations with agents that all said they loved my book and who made this a very difficult decision. But what made me sign with Joe was that we talked for 2 hours and it felt like 20 minutes. It felt right and I'm excited to see what's in store for me next.

I have to thank each of the agents that offered for me. I am so grateful to them for providing me with the affirmation that I do have what it takes to be a writer. And for that alone I will always appreciate them all. Besides, anyone who says they love my book has got to be the coolest, most awesome people in the world, right? Right.

The Boneshaker by Kate Milford

Hi everyone! It's me Summer (Oldest) and I have another interview for you today. It is with Kate Milford who is the author of a really cool book with a really cool title called The Boneshaker.



Summer - Thanks Ms. Milford for sending me the ARC for your fantastic book! I really enjoyed reading it. My Mom called your book Americana fantasy with some elements of steampunk. I just call it an amazing read. And I loved the creepy traveling medicine show. Your main character, Natalie is a wonderful character. How did you create her? Is she like you or anybody else you know?

Kate Milford - I’ve been thinking about this a lot since the book came out, and I think I’ve decided I think she’s a little like I am now. I didn’t really get into automata and bicycles until right about the time I started writing this story. On the other hand, I did grow up with a mom who loved to tell stories and a dad who was always puttering around in a workshop, and I was definitely like Natalie in that I liked learning things and I did sort of hate to look like I didn’t know what I was talking about. I’m not sure I ever outgrew that, actually…

Summer - You have a lot of great characters in your book. Like Old Tom, Dr. Limberleg, the four Paragons, Annie Minks, and even Miranda. How did you come up with all of them? How did you make them so different? Can you relate to them? And how do you relate to them?

Kate Milford - I have to admit, I love creating the secondary characters. They can be so honest about who they are—you don’t have to worry about them the same way you have to worry about the protagonist or the villain. You can’t screw up the protagonist or the villain, if you know what I mean--you have to get those two right: they have to have their motivations and their arcs and they have to be relatable and they have to change…otherwise in some way or another they just don’t work. But I feel like there’s so much more freedom with the secondary characters. They can be as weird as they want to be, as long as they serve a purpose. I love the Paragons particularly, because they just don’t care what anyone thinks. They care so little, Nervine doesn’t even bother to put on his whole costume half the time. They’re evil, but in some ways I envy them. I worry way too much about what other people think, but with a character like Alpheus Nervine, I can live a little. In an evil kind of way. Does that make sense?

Also, in this book most of the characters (with the exception of the Paragons) have a little bit of someone I know in them. Ryan and Alfred, for instance, are based on my husband and his friend (also named Alfred), who are both huge film guys (Ryan’s total lack of patience for anyone who annoys him, for instance, comes directly from my husband). Mr. Minks is a bit of a blend of my father, my grandfathers, and my father-in-law. Oddly, Old Tom has a little bit of both of my brothers mixed into him (although they’re both in their twenties). I don’t know if they would both agree with me, but I always think of both of them finding music at a crossroads. And of course, Mrs. Minks is based a little bit on the women in my family.

Summer - Your story has such an original concept. Small towns, crossroads, traveling medicine shows, mechanical automatons, the devil, and bicycles. What made you put all these things together? How did you choose this topic and setting?

Kate Milford - I am absolutely in love with small towns. I grew up on the East coast (I’m from Annapolis, Maryland, originally), and my family used to take road trips on weekends and we’d just pick a direction and drive. We’d happily drive two hours just to get to this one place on the Virginia border that had good hot chocolate, for example. We’d stop at flea markets and antique stores, dive restaurants and marinas. We’d find little towns and detour through them; we’d stop if we saw an old boat for sale or a car that might be neat to fix up. After I moved to NYC I met my husband, who’s from Missouri, and all of a sudden I had this whole new group of people who’d drive me around looking for cool stuff, and trust me when I tell you, small towns in the Midwest are awesome if you like driving around looking for interesting things. So that’s how I wound up writing about a small town. They are so cool and so weird.

As far as the rest of it…the crossroads, automata, bicycles…I hoard up stuff I think is cool until it comes together. Back when I started writing this book, I had just gotten a book on automata from a used book store, and a few months before I had done a bunch of research on Victorian medicine for a totally different project, and then I found some reference to medicine shows and started reading about that. I don’t know what the thing was that brought it all together, but it was like a puzzle and all of a sudden I knew where the pieces went, and I started writing.

Summer - We live in Maryland too! And I've been to Annapolis a few times. It is very nice. So what made you include the devil and demons in your story?

Kate Milford - I think the devil is a great character, mainly! There’s a great anecdote that the editor of a recent edition of John Milton’s Paradise Lost tells in the introduction. He says he heard that once an old country squire who had never before heard the story was listening to that great epic poem being read aloud by his fireside. The squire gets carried away by the tale and announces suddenly, “By God! I know not what the outcome may be, but this Lucifer is a damned fine fellow, and I hope he may win!” Well, he doesn’t, of course, and I’m not quoting this to suggest I agree…but it’s just an example of how great a character the devil is. All you have to do is invoke him and you’re able to invoke a whole mythology, everything he symbolizes, without doing all that much extra work! If I tell you Natalie has to find a way to look the Devil in the eye, you may not know right away what’s going to happen or what her particular struggle is, but you understand that she’s going up against something intensely strong, fearsome, deeply powerful, deeply evil, deeply persuasive. You know that without my even having to do anything. The great thing about the devil as a character is that he exists in different forms, in different mythologies and different religions, and although he changes slightly to accommodate each one, he’s always recognizable.

Having said that, I realize now that I answered an interview at the Enchanted Inkpot last week and said something very similar about a different character…which is interesting and which I didn’t realize until just now. Huh. Must investigate this further.

Summer - Natalie loves bicycles and mechanical things. Why those things in particular? Does it connect to you in some way?

Kate Milford - A little bit. I just think there’s such elegance to mechanical devices, to the logic that makes them work, and the forces that have to be in balance for them to work. I guess the more I find myself surrounded by and dependent on electronics, the more compelling I find mechanical devices. Plus, they’re just pretty. Or maybe that’s just me?

Summer - No, I think they are cool too. Natalie is also really brave. I know I would be terrified to face the devil. But she is able to look the devil in the eye like Old Tom told her to do. Is that what helps her be brave? Is that something you believe in too?

Kate Milford - Tough question. On some level, I hope I’d be brave enough to look the devil in the eye, but the truth is, I mainly hope I’d be able to identify the evil I had to stare down if I ran into it. That’s kind of the toughest part of the equation, I think. I don’t believe the world is usually as black-and-white as it is for Natalie, who knows that’s who she has to face. I have to be honest, I’m not sure I have a great answer for you here, Summer. I think it’s important to stand up for what you believe in, and I think it’s important to always work toward the good, but I don’t think it’s always easy to verbalize what “the things you believe in” or “the good” really means, especially in a real-world situation when you have to make a difficult choice.

I thought when I was writing this that some people might object to the fact that Natalie has to use Tom’s favor from the Devil to save Arcane, actually, but so far, nobody seems to have been bothered by it.

Summer - But why would they object? I love that part of it. It made perfect sense for me. In the book, there is a story about the photographer who takes pictures of all the dead people. Why did he take pictures of them? Was Dr. Bellinspire right to think the illness and the photographer was connected? Was the photographer really a demon?

Kate Milford - There was a time when photographers rode circuits like doctors and judges. Taking a picture back then was a very complex process, so it wasn’t something all that many people were doing. Because a visit from a photographer was so rare, if someone, particularly a child, died before the photographer got there, the family might actually wait to bury the deceased, in order to have a picture of them—any picture, even if it was a picture of a corpse. When I was younger, I went to New Orleans with my family and we took a tour that started at a place called the Dead Mozell Café, which was named after a child named Mozell whose parents had a photograph of her taken a few days after she died, because that’s when the photographer passed through their town. I did a quick search for the link, but I had no luck finding it. My recollection is that little Mozell had to have a hand amputated in the course of her illness—it must’ve been gangrene or something—but in the picture, one of her siblings is posed holding the empty space where the dead child’s hand should’ve been. The only alternative for Mozell’s parents was to have no picture to remember her by, at all. What a horrible choice to make, right?

As for whether the photographer was really a demon—I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

Summer - What did Jack the drifter mean when he told Dr. Limberleg that he could give him a haven? And what did Limberleg’s choice mean?

Kate Milford - I think I’ll plead the fifth on this one, too, because I don’t want to give anything away. Think about the part where Natalie figures out who Jack really is, and think about why he might say, as he says to her, that Arcane is the kind of place a fellow might consider making his home. Why might Jack decide to stay in Arcane, and why might he want to convince someone like Jake Limberleg to stay there, too?

Summer - I'll go and read it again and figure out what you mean. So will you write a sequel? I hope so.

Kate Milford - I’m planning to. I actually have three books planned for Arcane, and in fact, the “big” story is the story of Natalie and Jack. Once you know who Jack is and what he’s searching for, you can figure out why he and Natalie might find themselves at cross-purposes.

Summer - Sounds cool! When did you know you wanted to be a writer?

Kate Milford - I think I was in first grade, although I think at that point I was also considering pursuing a career as a doctor or a zookeeper (a zookeeper??). There was a while when I was more focused on plays and a while when I thought I might wind up writing screenplays, but I didn’t turn out to be very good at either. On the other hand, I think trying to teach myself how to write good plays and good screenplays really helped me to become a better fiction writer.

Summer - What advice would you give to me and my friends about writing?

Kate Milford - Read lots. When you read something you love, stop and think about what you like and what you don’t. Do the same when you read something you don’t particularly like. If you can get your friends talking about it with you, even better. Also (and this is the deep, dark secret your parents and teachers don’t want you to know), tv and movies can help you learn to write. I’m sorry to say I’m sadly out of touch with what teens are watching on tv, but I feel like some of the best dialogue I’ve ever encountered was from the tv shows The West Wing and Arrested Development—and also some of the best and most consistent character building. Screenplays are great for helping you learn to write visually—you may have heard the rule, “show, don’t tell.” When you write for film, that’s what you’re supposed to do: you’re supposed to show the action, with a minimum of explanation. That’s why silent films worked so well for so long—the writers and actors had to find ways to show the audience the story, rather than telling it.

Summer - Awesome, thanks! And lastly, when will your next book be out? I want to read it!

I’m finishing a book set in a contemporary city called Nagspeake, in which a girl named Charlotte discovers that her home is hiding another city underground. Hopefully I’ll finish that soon and be able to announce a release date! After that, it’s back to Arcane to continue Natalie’s story, and then on to another story set on a forgotten highway. I don’t have release dates yet, but hopefully I’ll have more information soon!

Summer - That is so cool! I can't wait to read more!

So that's the interview. Hope you enjoyed it! Better yet, hope you run out and buy a copy of The Boneshaker!

I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone

Last week was a whirlwind adventure - one that I won't forget in a long time. I have good news, but I'm not quite ready to announce it. But along with all the good luck, I learned some very valuable lessons that I would like to share with you all:

1. Writing is like playing the piano. If you don't practice regularly, you get rusty and don't sound so good.

2. Revision is a writer's best friend. Sometimes you get mad, have a fight and never want to see it again, but you'll always be best friends.

3. Rejection is a growth process for the writer. It weeds out those who are serious from the ones who aren't.

4. Even in the meanest critique, a kernel of useful feedback can be found or a valuable lesson can be learned, like never ask the meanie to read your work.

5. Venting and whining can be cathartic, as long as it doesn't take over. Feeling sorry for yourself is fine - but always give yourself a time limit. No more than 2 days maximum whineyness allowed.

6. Always support and cheer for the successes of our fellow writers.

7. Don't let the naysayers poison your mind.

8. Perseverance is the key to success.

9. Good critique groups and beta readers are priceless.

10. My Mom was right. I'm not a chicken. I'm an eagle. Cue the cheesy 70s music.

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 41

My neighbor was asking Youngest who she was more like Mommy or Daddy. To which she replied, "Well, I'm like both of them. I fart a lot like Daddy and I make big gigantic burps like Mommy."

I just want to point out that unlike farting, gigantic burps actually takes talent.

Random Funny Japanese Game Show

This show is so funny. It's a batsu game where Japanese comedians have to go to a high school which is a "no laughing" high school. All the teachers are comedians. If they laugh, they get beat with a kendo stick. You have to watch the video clip with the guy counting to 100. It's the best part.

Random Funny Things My Mom Says - Part 7

A little while back my buddy Moonrat did this awesome post on "Do I really want to be published?" that could have been written about me. In fact, it was. And as excellent as Moonie's advice has always been to me, I've never been able to get to that zen state about my book. Until now. Because my Mom did the smackdown on me. And it was good.

My folks came down this weekend for a visit. They've known that I've been under a lot of stress and were worried about me. The first thing my Mom says is to get off the laptop. "All that computer does is give you stress. Turn it off and come sit down and talk."

I turn off the computer and sit down, heart sinking for the lecture that I know is coming. It won't matter if I'm 60 years old, my parents are always going to lecture me. That's life.

"Ellen, why are you so stressed about this book?" my Mom asks. "Why don't you forget about it already."

"That's impossible, Mom. I just can't forget it."

"Not forget forever. Just for a little while," my Mom says. "Listen, don't be stuck on your book. Let it go and be happy. When you are happy, really happy, then go back to it. Nothing works when your brain is filled with stress." She rubs at the crease between my eyebrows. "Your brain is all filled with worry and stress and miserableness. Why you want to put that in your book? You put that in your book - who want to read it? Happiness makes your healthy. Healthy makes your brain happy. Then you write your book."

I nod and sigh. "It's not that easy..."

"Of course it's not easy." My Mom shakes her head at me. "You and your sister got your writing gene from your Dad. He's a great writer. Great newspaper columnist (my Dad had a column in the national Korean American paper for years). But then he write 3 books and they don't do good. He's depressed and give up writing. That's why he's worried about you girls. But I'm not worried. I know one day people will applaud me just for being your mother. You will be great one day. But don't rush it. You don't have to. I will live until I am 110! You have plenty of time. Don't rush."

I begin to laugh. "Thanks Mom. Maybe one day then it'll all work out for me. It's just hard when I see all my friends succeed and I wonder when it will happen to me." (My wonderful, fabulous critique group is made up of me and 3 authors who I knew from the day I first read their work that they would all be published because they were that good. And I was right. All 3 have book deals for 2011 - and I couldn't be happier for them.)

My Mom smiles and grabs my hands. "What kind of writer will you be? Some writers will write 10 books that are all forgettable. You will be the writer that writes one book, but it will be unforgettable. I believe in you. Some people lay eggs that turn into chickens - others lay eggs that turn into eagles. You are no chicken. You are an Eagle. One day you will soar."

"Funny - I thought you were going to say swan, but I like the eagle analogy better," I say.

"Swan, BAH! Only look good on outside. Open its mouth and the ugliest sound come out. Eagle is better. Look strong, look powerful, be strong, be powerful."

"Thanks Mom, you're right."

"Of course. I'm almost always right."

Bureaucratic Indifference

As some of you who follow me on facebook and twitter know, I have been in a state of blind fury the last couple of days. I'd like to tell everyone what's been going on.

Oldest is 11 and in 5th grade. She is a volunteer Safety Patrol which means she wears a yellow belt and a badge and she makes sure the kids board the bus safely and behave on the bus. She also makes sure to take the kindergartners to and from the bus. That's her job. Except our bus stop is on a very heavily congested road with heavy rush hour traffic in the morning. We deal with speeders, honkers, jerks who try to beat the school bus, a very large elderly driving population, and lots of mercedes drivers. This is a very unsafe road. On top of this, even after 10 years of complaints, the Department of Transportation (DOT) has never done anything to address this situation even though there is no safe way for the kids to cross this dangerous street. There is no stop sign - no crosswalk. Ironically, there is a no left and no right turn on an intersecting street that goes into a nearby neighborhood. That sign was put up in order to protect the property value of that neighborhood because (1) the traffic on our street is so heavy that it would devalue the neighborhood and destroy the streets, and (2) a councilmember lives there. When some crazy vandal destroyed these signs 3 times last year, DOT sent a crew to fix that sign within days of it happening.

As you can see DOT values property value over children's safety. So getting back to my story. A parent who was nearly hit several times crossing the street with her young child harassed DOT so much that they finally sent an employee to our school bus stop to assess the situation. This woman went up to my 11 year old daughter and told her that it was her job as safety patrol to walk into the middle of oncoming rush hour traffic, hold up her hands and stop traffic in order to allow children to cross to the bus stop safely. Since when did we send children into danger to guarantee the safety of other children? Should we next give them a gun and tell them to stop crime also? This is a street even adults are afraid to cross, let alone try to actively stop traffic? Did I mention that we had an excessive number of mercedes drivers in the area? We have incredibly selfish assholes who will even race around a stopped school bus in order to not get stuck behind it. We are talking about people who don't care. And I should let my child walk into that?

What is most troubling about this episode is not that this county employee was so deeply misguided enough to endanger a child's life, but that in response to repeated attempts by parents to address the danger surrounding this school bus stop that this was the only response.

This employee told the complaining parent to have my daughter stop traffic for her. The parent was misguided enough to - the very next day - follow through on the employee's advice and tried to wave my daughter into oncoming traffic. I actually stood flabbergasted watching her insist my daughter come out into the street and my daughter shaking her head, over and over until finally the woman crossed on her own. My daughter knows that she is not allowed to cross this street and refused to do as the county employee demanded even though she was terribly intimidated by this woman. My daughter knew enough to stand her ground. But what if it was a different child who maybe was too naive to question authority? What if this employee had indeed persuaded a child to walk into traffic? That idea kept me awake at night.

I've made a big stink and called and wrote to everyone I could think of. Today the supervisor of the misguided employee came to observe and to apologize for the employee's mistake. They say that there are talks of getting stop signs in and crosswalks. I'm not holding my breath. Already I'm being given the bureaucratic run around in an endless game of hot potato as different offices pass the issue off to someone else. I've spent nearly a week making my arguments. I've warned the county of their negligence for failure to address the danger. I reminded them that legally there is a higher duty of care toward children. In the end, getting a stop sign and crosswalk in place will be much cheaper. And it will help save lives. Unfortunately, in these situations, it usually takes a death to justify the expense of change. And that is depressing.

WINNERS OF DRIED SQUID!!!

Thank you everyone for bearing with me through construction turmoil, sickness, grading hell, whining children, surly husbands, and my Mom who is in a whole other category of her own - as she should be. This semester is almost over for me and I am so happy that I think the twitch that took up residence under my left eye is finally ready to leave me. I actually have begun reading blogs again on my google reader! Hurray! And my google reader no longer says 1000+!!! It now says 498! Woo hooooo! So much progress. So much relief. So much joy.

Yesterday Angus asked me if I would take her outside to ride her scooter. I said yes without hesitation. Angus actually did a doubletake and said "Mom, you really are done with school, huh!" Oh yes I am.

So the first thing I got to do is pick a winner of my birthday contest. And the winner with the best comment has got to be Bernita Harris because -

Bernita said...

Happy Birthday, Ello! Too bad about the dust and the noise ( but it will be so nice when they've finished.) I've has a strong desire for Monako red bean paste cookies ever since I read about them in a story. The dried squid sound good too.

The only reason I can offer up as to why I should be chosen to win is that I've just sold my novel...

Congratulations, Bernita for not only winning the first ever Ello goodie basket but for selling your novel! And BTW, this is a novel I've been dying to read ever since I read her short story with the same MC. I can't wait!!!

Ok - the second winner was chosen by random drawing for everyone who commented and extra votes for those who advertised for me. We did it the old fashioned way because I told Oldest that she could pull the winner, which started a fight with Angus and Youngest because they both wanted to pick winners also. So I bribed them with some panda cookies and they went off to stuff as many of them in their mouths as they could before Oldest would be done. Poor Oldest.

So we wrote out 39 numbers and cut them up and gave a number to everyone that entered and then we put it in my Yankees hat and Oldest pulled out the number ... 19 - which is... Carrie Harris!!!! Ha ha! She most definitely will get the dried squid, no doubt about it! Thanks to Oldest for her help and for losing out on the panda cookies. She will definitely be getting a box or 2 all to herself since she also did a fabulous job on her interview the other day with R.L. LaFevers. If you haven't checked it out, please do.

Congratulations to the winners, who will have to email me their addresses and also can tell me if they have some things they are particularly interested in and not interested in - which I shall take under advisement. he he. And since they both have blogs, I would love to have them post up their thoughts on their basket of goodies after they've sampled it.

Thanks to everyone for commenting and we will definitely have to do this contest again because I need to spread the dried squid love!

Interview with R.L. LaFevers - Creator of the Great Theodosia!

Hi everyone! It's me, Summer, or Oldest as my Mom likes to call me. It's been a long time since I got to do an interview for my Mom's blog. I've been bugging her about letting me do another one, but she'd say ok, and then she'd forget. Like all the time. But I am good at reminding people about things. Especially when I really want it. Mom calls it nagging, but I object to that word.

But she finally asked if I wanted to do an interview and with who. Well, not that long ago, Mom won an ARC for THEODOSIA AND THE EYES OF HORUS, and when I saw that Ms. LaFevers signed it for my Mom, I was jealous. I was the one that read both Theodosia and the Serpents of Chaos as well as Theodosia and the Staff of Osiris. I was the one that loved Theodosia! How come she got the signed copy? So I made Mom feel guilty and asked her if I could do an author interview with Ms. LaFevers because as you can tell, I LOVE the Theodosia books. Why? Cause they're awesome and different. Ms. LaFevers writes about Egyptian mythology which is super cool cause it's got curses, mummies, magic and dead people! So cool!

So here is a super awesome interview with the author of the Theodosia series, Ms. R.L. LaFevers!

Summer: Hi Ms. LaFevers! Thank you so much for letting me interview you. My first question is why did you use Egyptian mythology instead of Greek Mythology?

R.L. LaFevers: Thanks so much for letting me visit your blog, Summer. When it was time to begin a new book, I knew I wanted it to have a fantasy element that I hadn’t seen in a lot of other books. Personally, I love all sorts of fantasy elements—dragons, wizards, witches, Greek mythology, Roman mythology, werewolves, and vampires—but I wanted my book to use something a little different, a little unique. So I cast my mind back to when I was eleven and really tried to remember what sorts of things fascinated me and weren’t already being used by other authors. The magic of ancient Egypt was the first thing on that list.

Summer: What inspired you to write these books?

R.L. LaFevers: I really wanted to write a big action adventure fantasy that starred a GIRL front and center. I didn’t want her to be the main character’s best friend, or sister, I wanted her to BE the main character.

Summer: I like how Theodosia is very responsible and kind and brave, what gave you the idea of her and the other characters? Does Theodosia, the character relate to you in any way?

R.L. LaFevers: Oh I’m so glad you thought Theodosia was kind! I think of her as slightly socially awkward since she’s been around so few other kids, but with a great big heart that wants to do the right thing and be nice to people. The brave part just happens; since she’s the only person who can see the curses and magic, to her it makes sense that she is the one who has to deal with them.

I wanted to write a character with both strengths and weaknesses, and then I wanted to show how sometimes, it is our very weaknesses that can end up being our strengths. So while Theo gets in trouble from her parents for being too sensitive or having too much imagination, it is also the very thing that allows her to save the day. I think that happens a lot in real life, actually, our weaknesses can sometimes end up being our best qualities, if we learn how to manage them.

There is a lot of me in Theodosia, although I didn’t plan it that way. That sort of just happens sometimes. I, too, was hyper sensitive as a kid, always sensing things the adults around me didn’t seem to notice. I was also very responsible. My parents were divorced and I had a lot of brothers (at one time, I had seven!) so I ended up being a sort of second parent to a lot of them, and I helped my mother take care of things. Plus, with so many kids and so much to juggle, my mother was preoccupied a lot of the time, so I knew what it was like to have preoccupied parents.

Summer: My Mom says I am very responsible also! I help a lot with my little sisters, although they don't always appreciate me. You say that there is a lot of you in Theodosia. So would you be like Theodosia if you switched places with her?

R.L. LaFevers: Absolutely. Although she might be a teensy bit braver than I am. And since I’ve had so many more brothers than she has, AND I had two sons, I would probably be a little more understanding of Henry.

Summer: Why did you choose the 1800’s time period and the setting of England?

R.L. LaFevers: Oo! Good question. Because the book was going to concentrate on Egyptian magic and ancient artifacts, I wanted to set the book during the heyday of Egyptology—which was the late 1800’s and early 1900’s. That was also a time when there were a lot of secret societies scuttling about, trying to learn all they could about ancient mysteries. Since the Theodosia books involved both, it seemed the logical choice.

As for England, well, I wanted to model the Museum of Legends and Antiquities on the British Museum, plus many of the great finds in Egyptology were being made by the British—or at least some of the more notorious ones. Also, England itself has an awful lot of Egyptian artifacts that have been brought over from Egypt over the centuries, like Cleopatra’s Needle, for example. It made sense that if there was going to be an organization like the Brotherhood of the Chosen Keepers whose mission was to keep an eye on cursed artifacts, they would be centered where so many of the artifacts ended up: London.

Summer: Well I especially liked how Awi Bubu had magical Egyptian powers. It was so cool! What inspired you to make his character?

R.L. LaFevers: I began realizing that since I had all this Egyptian magic in the books, and people using ancient Egyptian magic, that I needed to include those who had never stopped using it in the first place! A very secretive, elusive cadre of Egyptians who’d never let the ancient wisdom and practices die out.

I also needed him to be in London, where Theo could run into him. So I brainstormed from there, playing with different scenarios that would bring that bring someone with his particular skill set and background to London.

Plus there had to be someone in the books who knew more than Theodosia did!

Summer: When I am writing, I have a hard time coming up with names myself for my characters. But you have great names in your books. Snuffles, Fagenbush, Kimosiri, Awi Bubu. How did you come up with them?

R.L. LaFevers: I’m so glad you like all the names! I actually collect names, from real life, from books I read, from the credits on TV. I have notebooks and notebooks full of names. I really like the name to serve the story—not just be something to call a character. I think names can do a good job of hinting at the character’s personality, or being something they have to overcome, or something they will never live up to. Names are a lot of fun.

Theodosia’s last name was originally going to be Wicketts. As you know, oftentimes the only thing she can find to eat are jam sandwiches, so I thought I could do a fun riff on Sticky Wicketts, an old British saying. However, that quickly grew too heavy handed and cumbersome, so I tossed the idea out.

Awi Bubu is a combination of a couple of real Egyptian names I found in my research. Awi mean glory and Bubu means to shed light. It’s a bit of a hint, really.

Summer: So did you do a lot of research? What is your research process like? Do you use the public library and the internet? Do you like research?

R.L. LaFevers: I pretty much adore research. I have ever since I was little. I love walking into libraries and museums and feeling all that ancient knowledge sitting on the shelves, right at my fingertips.

My actual research process is kind of all over the place. I do some background research first, the stuff I’ll need to know to understand what sort of setting I’ll be creating for the book, what the constraints are, how it differs from our world, that sort of thing.

Since I’d never been to London, I needed to study that city and look at pictures and maps—but not just today’s pictures and maps, but those of a hundred years ago. The internet proved invaluable!

After I understood the historical time and place, the next thing I needed to do was to build Theo’s museum in my mind, and for that I used the internet to find all sorts of historical information, illustrations, and photographs of the British Museum. Again, the internet was a life saver! I found pictures of old buildings, Edwardian street scenes that showed early automobiles sharing the road with horses and buggies, old clothing, alleyways.

I also had to research ancient Egypt, archaeology, Egyptian funerary practices, mummies, mummification, ancient Egyptian magic rituals, secret societies. The list goes on and on! If it’s in the Theo books, I researched it in some way!

Summer: You're just like my Mom! She's always doing research also. She says research is so important for a writer, but I always thought she was just tricking me to study or something. But research into Egyptian mythology would be pretty cool. Especially the curses. So, do you think curses are real?

R.L. LaFevers: Oh wow, tough question! Let me see. I think negative energy is very real, whether its wishing someone harm or putting hate into the world. Our brains are so vastly complex and little understood. A large part of our brain is busy doing things we aren’t even aware of, and if we put out negative energy or walk through a cloud of it, it seems possible to me that it could affect the unconscious part of our brains.

Also, Carl Jung talked about the universal unconscious, which is basically the part of our mind that sees and perceives things our conscious minds aren’t even aware of. I can’t help but wonder if that is in some way tied to curses and negative energy.

I do know that when I have been near some ancient artifacts, they have a different feel to them than something new. Whether it is just a patina of all those who have ever held or used the artifact, or my own vivid imagination, I will probably never know. Do you think curses are real?

Summer: I believe that evil does exist but not curses. I mean you may have bad luck that may seem like a curse to you but I don't think curses really exist. All the bad luck is really just a lesson to you to teach you to do better. Like my Mom always says that karma is important. If we do good, good will come back to us. But if we do bad, bad will come back to us. (Or my Mom and Dad will punish us - which is also bad.)

So what advice do you have for me if I want to be a writer?

R.L. LaFevers: If you want to be a writer, you really need to do two things: Read and write. It really can be that simple. Although I’m guessing you want something a little more detailed than that, so here you go. These are the six key things I think a person needs to do to be a good writer. Keep in mind, though, that these are just one person’s opinion.

Persistence: Which is just a fancy word for stubbornness, you need to keep trying and keep learning and never give up. If you love something, and you never give up, you never fail. Even if you never get published, if you love writing and you make time to do it, you will have had the joy of writing. All the published writers I know are the people who simply never gave up.

Live: In order to have things to write about, we need to embrace life. In order to write an interesting, rich, exciting story, we must have experienced some interesting, rich, exciting things. We must get out there and experience life, do stuff, make friends, perhaps an enemy or two (by accident, of course!) It’s okay to do these things badly, no one says you have to be great at everything you try. But do try stuff, collect experiences like you would sea shells or interesting rocks or Transformers.

Respect your own creative process: The truth is, there are many different approaches to creativity. Each writer and artist and musician does things a little differently. And while it’s interesting to learn about new ways to try things, it’s also important to respect how YOU do it. So while it’s also okay to experiment with different approaches and processes, , especially when you’re just learning, don’t ever think your way isn’t as good as someone else’s.

Be brave: The very best writers tell the TRUTH. It might be dressed up as a story, even a fantasy, but the best stories show us something that is TRUE. And it takes COURAGE to tell the truth. Not everyone likes to hear the truth. Sometimes saying what is true can get you in trouble or cause some people not to like you. But as writers we need to be brave enough to tell the truth.

Be Passionate:. We must write about things that we care a LOT about. What are those things that are important to you? What moves you to tears? What makes you laugh? What makes you furious? What terrifies you? These are the things that you are passionate about and should be at the heart of your writing.

Embrace Your Secret Weapon: Which is your wild and crazy self. It’s that part of yourself that might get you in trouble most often, or that you’re most embarrassed about. It is that piece of you that is wholly uniquely different from anybody else. Perhaps you are angry, sassy, a smart aleck, shy, quiet, a doodler, class clown, tell tall tales, too much imagination

But here’s something I truly believe: Our weaknesses are also our strengths. We just have to learn how to use them in the right way. One of our most important jobs in life is to embrace our quirks and our weaknesses and, even more important, learn how to turn them into strengths.

Summer: Wow! That is awesome advice. Thanks for sharing that with me. And thanks for writing this awesome, super cool series that I want the whole world to read!

R.L. LaFevers: Thank you so much for having me, Summer! And good luck with your own writing!

Summer: So that's my awesome new interview and I have even more super cool news! I get to interview Ms. LaFevers again for The Enchanted Inkpot on June 9th for her the second book in her new series The Beastologist!!!! And she sent me both books and they were both signed to me!!! I am already reading the first book and it is awesomeness!

Oh and lastly, my Mom said that I get to choose the winner of her gift basket prizes. And this is your last chance to win squid or seaweed or other weirdness. And if you leave a comment here, I get to include you for the raffle! So please leave a comment! I love reading comments. Bye for now!